Little reminding needed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
Little reminding needed
Soooo my daughter is on her own!I have been very generally anxious this last week or so and I know her moving out of the sober living is why.I've been working on letting it go..I'm telling myself that she was out on the streets with no phone, full on junkie mode, in chronic danger and I managed to be ok..so why is it that she has almost 7 mo. sobriety, is in school 40 hours a week (hair), had1 mo inpatient and 2.5 mo. IOP and I am super freaked out.
I am really proud of her.There was a pretty big issue that came up and she handled it..the RA she was moving in with got arrested for shoplifting 2 days before they were to move in!(Can you say self-sabatoge?)
My daughter approached the roommate at the sle that she was originally going to move out with and it all worked out.Apparently they are "camping" right now..no furniture!But she's doing what she needs to do..it's right next to her school so she doesn't have to depend on anyone for rides.She can really take care of business when she needs to (I think a skill acquired from her hustling drug days).
I know I am powerless as to how this all works out..I'm doing my meetings and readings, but could just use a little reminding!
I am really proud of her.There was a pretty big issue that came up and she handled it..the RA she was moving in with got arrested for shoplifting 2 days before they were to move in!(Can you say self-sabatoge?)
My daughter approached the roommate at the sle that she was originally going to move out with and it all worked out.Apparently they are "camping" right now..no furniture!But she's doing what she needs to do..it's right next to her school so she doesn't have to depend on anyone for rides.She can really take care of business when she needs to (I think a skill acquired from her hustling drug days).
I know I am powerless as to how this all works out..I'm doing my meetings and readings, but could just use a little reminding!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 132
I just wanted to say... it sounds like you have got a pretty good handle on things! As you know, all you can do at this point is take care of you, and leave the rest to your Higher Power! (Breathe in... Breathe out)
And good for your daughter taking care of things! It doesn't seem like she's complaining too much about the no furniture situation. One step at a time right?
Hope you have a peaceful day!
And good for your daughter taking care of things! It doesn't seem like she's complaining too much about the no furniture situation. One step at a time right?
Hope you have a peaceful day!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 132
Well, that's good. A sense of humor is very important!
And it's every mother's right to freak out about their daughter.
I have a very good friend, who is addicted to heroine among other things, and she didn't make it.
She has three beautiful girl's that her parents are now raising. The oldest is my daughter's age, and none of us have heard from her in about 5 years.
I'm so glad to hear your daughter is getting her life together.
I think as time goes by, your body will calm down, as you stop waiting for the other shoe to drop.
By your body calming down, I mean you'll stop getting those extra rushes of adrenaline that the roller coaster of addiction gets us used to.
And it's every mother's right to freak out about their daughter.
I have a very good friend, who is addicted to heroine among other things, and she didn't make it.
She has three beautiful girl's that her parents are now raising. The oldest is my daughter's age, and none of us have heard from her in about 5 years.
I'm so glad to hear your daughter is getting her life together.
I think as time goes by, your body will calm down, as you stop waiting for the other shoe to drop.
By your body calming down, I mean you'll stop getting those extra rushes of adrenaline that the roller coaster of addiction gets us used to.
Think I will go exercise ..try to burn it off!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Keep))) - I know that there are certain things, that if I did them, would cause major anxiety in my dad...like not answering my phone (or calling back if I'm busy), going somewhere and not telling them where....the stuff I did back in the using days.
However, I work my recovery, and it sounds like she is working hers. It's hard to want to trust them, but still have those old feelings surfacing, but exercise sounds like a good thing, and just keep using your "codie tool belt". I just had a codie slip, but it only lasted a couple days. Way better than when it was YEARS, so hang in there
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
However, I work my recovery, and it sounds like she is working hers. It's hard to want to trust them, but still have those old feelings surfacing, but exercise sounds like a good thing, and just keep using your "codie tool belt". I just had a codie slip, but it only lasted a couple days. Way better than when it was YEARS, so hang in there
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
keepinon
You have been there for me so many times when I have been in high anxiety mode. And for that I thank you so very much.
ugh....I do understand your anxiety--it is a constant battle for me to keep it under control. And the solution that you came up with is a great one!! I find that exercise allows me to burn up some of that built up energy that occurs when I'm feeling heightened concern for my AS. I think it has to do with the fight/flight response......that surge of anxiety brings on an excess of negative energy.
It sounds like your daughter is doing fine. Breathe. Turn your fear into faith and trust the process. No matter what happens with your daughter, it is not within your control. Let her test her wings and enjoy her success. She's laughing about "camping" but you can rest easy that her "camping" now is not like it use to be! Your HP has his arms wrapped around you--lean into it.
So turn up the music......and do whatever exercise helps you to keep you in serenity mode! You GO! And just picture us there exercising with you.....ready....set....GO!
gentle hugs
ke
You have been there for me so many times when I have been in high anxiety mode. And for that I thank you so very much.
ugh....I do understand your anxiety--it is a constant battle for me to keep it under control. And the solution that you came up with is a great one!! I find that exercise allows me to burn up some of that built up energy that occurs when I'm feeling heightened concern for my AS. I think it has to do with the fight/flight response......that surge of anxiety brings on an excess of negative energy.
It sounds like your daughter is doing fine. Breathe. Turn your fear into faith and trust the process. No matter what happens with your daughter, it is not within your control. Let her test her wings and enjoy her success. She's laughing about "camping" but you can rest easy that her "camping" now is not like it use to be! Your HP has his arms wrapped around you--lean into it.
So turn up the music......and do whatever exercise helps you to keep you in serenity mode! You GO! And just picture us there exercising with you.....ready....set....GO!
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Starlight))) - don't mean to hijack ((Keeps)) thread, but do want to answer you, as it shows that we never get cured.
I have a 17-year-old niece, Brit, who I think of as my own child. We (my dad, stepmom and I have raised her as her mom died in a car wreck when Brit was 1, her sperm donor is back in prison)
She no longer lives at home, but did come home in Jan, and was VERY under the influences. She went into such a rag at me ( for no reason), that night, and had to barricade myself in my room.
WE haven't spoken since that nigh, other than my occasional "still love you" txts, which she never responds to.
She txtd me to ask me how my stepmom (who she calls mama). I should have not answered her txt, just like she does me. However, I was honest, thought I was doing the right thing.
She txtd back, FULL of rage, cussing, and hatred. I continued to text back, telling her she obviously hadn't READ what I wrote, but it just kept getting worse. S he called me, I didn't answer, and she left a hateful, threatening message.
I told dad and stepmom, as Brit was supposed be here today to do her taxes. They were also angry at her.
However, last night, dad was doing her taxes, and I was livid.
After some studying for school, lots of prayers and some sleep I woke up with some really good clarity.
I expected dad to punish her for how she treated me (he'd told her he was turning her phone off).
It's the expectations I had, that made me realize how wrong I'd been. Our family is dysfunctional, with a capital D, and he considers her his daughter, just like I am. It's not up to him to punish her for how she talked to me, and he needs to be needed.
I told her I was "done" and haven't head from her since. She KNOWS I will call teh cops on her if she every lays a hand on me.
I KNOW better than to have expectations of what other's will do. The good thing is, in the past, I would have dwelled over this forever. Now, as (((Ann))) always says...I know the difference between a bad day and a good day is about 2 days
Brit has to walk her own path and will, eventually face the consequences for her actions. I can't force he issue.
I have gone NC with her, and though it hurts, deeply, it's what I need to do. I refuse to be verbally abused and threatened. Don't know that she'll even care that I won't talk to her..she's shut us all out for months.
(((Keep))) - sorry to hijack your thread, but I guess I wanted you, and others, to know that no matter how hard we work our own recovery, people can still push our buttons and sometimes we slip. The good news is, we have our recovery tools, each other, and the slips get shorter and shorter.
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
I have a 17-year-old niece, Brit, who I think of as my own child. We (my dad, stepmom and I have raised her as her mom died in a car wreck when Brit was 1, her sperm donor is back in prison)
She no longer lives at home, but did come home in Jan, and was VERY under the influences. She went into such a rag at me ( for no reason), that night, and had to barricade myself in my room.
WE haven't spoken since that nigh, other than my occasional "still love you" txts, which she never responds to.
She txtd me to ask me how my stepmom (who she calls mama). I should have not answered her txt, just like she does me. However, I was honest, thought I was doing the right thing.
She txtd back, FULL of rage, cussing, and hatred. I continued to text back, telling her she obviously hadn't READ what I wrote, but it just kept getting worse. S he called me, I didn't answer, and she left a hateful, threatening message.
I told dad and stepmom, as Brit was supposed be here today to do her taxes. They were also angry at her.
However, last night, dad was doing her taxes, and I was livid.
After some studying for school, lots of prayers and some sleep I woke up with some really good clarity.
I expected dad to punish her for how she treated me (he'd told her he was turning her phone off).
It's the expectations I had, that made me realize how wrong I'd been. Our family is dysfunctional, with a capital D, and he considers her his daughter, just like I am. It's not up to him to punish her for how she talked to me, and he needs to be needed.
I told her I was "done" and haven't head from her since. She KNOWS I will call teh cops on her if she every lays a hand on me.
I KNOW better than to have expectations of what other's will do. The good thing is, in the past, I would have dwelled over this forever. Now, as (((Ann))) always says...I know the difference between a bad day and a good day is about 2 days
Brit has to walk her own path and will, eventually face the consequences for her actions. I can't force he issue.
I have gone NC with her, and though it hurts, deeply, it's what I need to do. I refuse to be verbally abused and threatened. Don't know that she'll even care that I won't talk to her..she's shut us all out for months.
(((Keep))) - sorry to hijack your thread, but I guess I wanted you, and others, to know that no matter how hard we work our own recovery, people can still push our buttons and sometimes we slip. The good news is, we have our recovery tools, each other, and the slips get shorter and shorter.
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
