Jayner

I'm sorry if this seems long or rambling....



Although I haven't posted much, I still want to share an update. My ABF (who is now an "X") is addicted to opiates, specifically heroin. I absolute adore this man, and have since day one. But I don't love his addiction. I hate it. I hate heroin - it's evil.



I set boundaries - and was somehow able to stick to them. I wouldn't allow anyone who was actively using in my home. Not acceptable. I wouldn't give him any material items (such as cash - and I can't count how many times he asked! or anything he would pawn for cash). Obviously, I would feed him if he were hungry, and offer my love and support - unconditionally. And I am okay with those choices, even though they may not work for everyone or anyone else. It worked for us. He went from living with his brother (until brother got tired of him), then moved in with his parents. This is a grown man who mooched off friends and family for six months (give or take).



Because of my work, we have several mutual friends - but very few knew of his addiction. No idea how they missed that!! He and I began seeing less and less of each other over the past couple of weeks. He ended up "dating" a girl from our group. I had known her for a couple of years, and although she is younger than both my kids (argh - ego pains), I liked her, she seemed like a pleasant enough person. It was a bit of a struggle for me to accept being dumped for her, though. I had no ill will toward her, she didn't do anything wrong - besides being younger and prettier than I am, but I think I can adjust. lol



Well, yesterday she and I ended up in the same place at the same time (a chatroom I moderate part time which is owned by the company) ....and she initiated a....how to put this nicely....a confrontation with me. For some reason, whe was under the impression I was livid with her and wanted to get revenge on her....etc. Hmmmm. Wonder where she got that idea. (sarcasm) I laid it out for her....that I had no reason to dislike her, but she should be prepared for what she might be in for. My XABF, now her ABF, has been "clean" for three weeks. Realistically, he has lied to her about the length he has been "clean" and how harsh his addiction really is. The last time he used, that I know of, was 3 weeks ago. She went on and on how happy he is now, etc. She says once he hits his six-month mark, she knows she can relax because by then he will be "cured". Sigh.



I sincerely wished her luck, and ended the conversation. Less than five minutes later, he called on a rant about how meeeaaannn I was to her. Boy, am I glad to be out of that mess. Although I will always be a friend for him, I won't get involved in that petty garbage. It makes me so sad that this young girl has been sucked in by this charming addict. He will use her up and toss her aside and move on. There's nothing I can do to "fix" it - so I turn my back and walk away. And that's really hard.

Ann

Jayner, I am sorry that his addiction has caused you pain, it's a pain we all understand too well.

He may or may not be clean, but his addiction behaviour is still there, and you are so wise to see that and move on. You handled Little Miss New Gal with grace. Your side of the street is clean.

They both sound like they are still caught up in the drama and again, I see your recovery shining when you refuse to be part of it.

That said, I know your pain is valid, but one day soon it will begin to heal and you can move on to a better, healthier life, leaving all this drama in your dust.

Hugs

Kindeyes

It's no fun to be sucked back into the drama. You're doing ok though and it sounds like you have your tools in place. That's GREAT!!!

gentle hugs
ke

Jayner

Thanks Ann and Kindeyes for your responses.

I'll be honest, it was hard to let go of him. But ya know.....I think I am doing ok.

Ann

I think the hardest part of any decision is just making the decision. After that it all seems to fall into place.

You are doing just fine and I have a good feeling that your new life will feel very comfortable in the not too distant future.

Hugs