GettingBy

I want to run something by you folks to see what your response/thoughts are. As you know, I've retained an attorney to assist in the divorce process - and I'm getting a bunch of red flags that are giving me knots in my stomach about him.

1. He's not listening to me about how I want to operate on "my side of the street". I've told him clearly that I'm not out of blood. AH and I are both sucessful people - I don't need or want his money. I just want to divvy things up evenly. He keeps saying, "When this goes to court and we litigate - we are going to anihilate him!" Trials are BIG bucks and nasty! I don't want that. I don't want to anihilate my husband - I have to coparent with him for the rest of my life so I'd like to maintain some sort of amicable relationship. I want to act with dignity (even if AH choses otherwise).

2. He keeps telling me about how a couple of previous clients fired him because they felt he was flirting with him?!? And then he said, "Well, AH is probably going to get all pissy and accuse us sleeping together!" WTF?!?!? He's a 65 yr old UGLY man - who's MY ATTORNEY?!?!? Delusional? Non-professional? YOU BET.

3. Everytime I talk to him - he calls me Shanny... instead of Shannon. I've asked him repeatedly to stop, but he persists.

The papers were filed in court yesterday and the next step is serving AH. After that's completed, I'm considering firing my attorney. I just don't feel comfortable around him, and for something as emotional as divorce - I don't need extra anxiety.

I was doing some research on collaborative family law - and have looked into a few lawyers that specialize in it. I'm considering giving them a call and putting the feelers back out.

I think I made a hasty decision hiring the attorney I have now, but... oh well. I'm not afraid to change my mind. I want a lawyer that works for me.

Lexiecat - any thoughts?

putmeontheair

Fire him. It's your money, you spend it on someone who makes you feel comfortable during a tumultuous process.

suki44883

I agree. Fire him. He works for you and isn't listening to much of anything you say. Fire him.

elleymae

Ohhhhh, hasty, yes. Wow. This guy.... you gotta find a new one. Oh he's odd.

Tuffgirl

I fired two attorneys before settling on the one who would just let me do what was needed and only take care of the legal side of it all when I asked.

If he makes you uncomfortable, fire him. And what you describe sounds creepy!

nodaybut2day

You hired a lawyer to work *for* you. He is, in a very real sense, your employee. You entered into a business relationship with this individual and you have every right to terminate the relationship should you feel that you are not being treated with respect.

From your description about this lawyer, he sounds like a shark interested solely in litigation, because, let's be honest, litigation means big bucks for him/his firm. As for the "Shanny" comments, and his inability to listen to how YOU want to proceed in YOUR divorce, your instincts are bang on. Listen to them.

IMO, have your H served and then terminate the relationship. I'm sure you can find another family law lawyer willing to finish up the case for you.

wanttobehealthy

I hired an atty in haste too and regret it and feel like when I call him it is a bother. I've been trying to ignore my gut feeling that something is not right but this post makes me realize my gut (and yours) are, as always, right.

Definitely fire him.

Like you I don't need someone who is going to strive to make things more combative and that sounds like it's just the tip of the iceberg of problems with your lawyer.

Bu bye creepy Lawyer!

Thumper

I would.

I would not find the things you mentioned acceptable either - and they give me the heeby jeeby's.

GettingBy

OH, THANK YOU ALL!!!!!! I was so worried that maybe I was being hyper-sensitive!!

I'm so DONE with unacceptable behavior from EVERYBODY!!!!!!

He really wants to treat AH like the scum of the earth - and I suspect it's because he knows that we both are successful and a nasty negotiation and subsequent trial will mean $$$$$ for him.

I'm sending his a$$ packing as soon as AH is served. I've looked up a couple of female attorneys that specialize in collaborative law - I'm going get interviewing

This is MY divorce, I want it done MY way... well, as far as I can control - and that includes MY attorney!

LaTeeDa

Yeah! Good for you!

BTW, one of my pet peeves is when somebody insists on calling me something other than my name after I have corrected them. It is highly disrespectful and condescending, IMO.

L

BobbyJ

I am friends with a couple of lawyers and 2 judges.

I did not want to personally use them in my case,(dont believe it is good to do business with friends) but I did seek out their opinions on who to use...

All of them informed me: Dont use so & so...She will have you both fighting before you know it, thats how she UP'S her checkbook....

What a reputation she has huh??
Her beginning rate of $275 Per Hour...

Mrs. Manlipulation should meet your Mr. Manlipulation

GettingBy

Exactly. I feel like he's treating me like a rich, bimbo, housewife (absolutely NO disrespect to housewives or SAHMs - that's harder work than I could ever handle!). I want to scream, "KNOCK IT OFF! I'm not some stepford wife who's out to retire off of her husband! I'm a GD PROFESSIONAL ENGINEER!!! Treat me like one."

I have contractors who treat me with more dignity than this guy. (again, no disrespect to contractors either!)

Phew... I'm so glad to have this place to go to for healthy validation and venting.

FindingPeace1

Just another opportunity to set boundaries and have deal breakers.
No thanks.
NEXT!

Jazzman

My lawyer was a pit bull on crack and some times she was hard to control. But she worked for me and her job was to provide me with options and advice, my job was to decide how to proceed. My marriages ended with my dignity intact and nobody got screwed. Everyone got exactly what they were entitled to by law.

StarCat

Find someone who will work for you, and listen to you.

...To be honest, if I had your lawyer, I'd always invite someone else to come with me if I had to meet with him! Talk about super creepy!

JACKRUSSELLGIRL

Fire his A$$!! He sounds like a total nut. Are you sure he is not an A?

Jazzman

Spidy senses tingling?
"A-dar" going off?

LexieCat

Oops, sorry I wasn't around when you asked for my input, but looks like the "team" took good care of ya!

I agree, get a new lawyer. You want one who will work the way YOU want to work. The best lawyers will lay out the "worst case scenario" for you--you should know what can happen if push DID come to shove, and also what you WOULD be entitled to, if you wanted to go for it. Otherwise, they aren't properly advising you.

Once you understand all that, though, their job is to accomplish what you want to accomplish, in the way you want to accomplish it, so long as it isn't illegal or unethical.

There are lots of old guys out there who are patronizing and disrespectful and looking to jack up their fees by making everything a war. That's who you have now.

Start shopping around for a new lawyer. Explain why you were unhappy with the previous one. Make sure they will inform you, but respect your wishes to work out an amicable agreement if possible. My bet is you can find a good one with no more than two or three interviews.

GettingBy

I don't know if he's an A or not... but I get the sense that he might be a serial philanderer... and a scumbag.

GettingBy

Oh, yeah, and this is the same guy who called ME Monday morning because he thought I was mad at him!??! Another RED FLAG.

Lexiecat - thanks for all your input! You're name popped in my mind as soon as I hung up the phone with him this afternoon (well, after I got my skin to stop crawling off my body!!)