Upset with myself...
Trying.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 17
Upset with myself...
Hello again everyone. It's been a while since I was on here, and to be honest I never should have stopped logging in. I was doing good back in December when I decided to quit drinking. I made it 47 days. Then one night the boss wanted to go out and grab a drink with the regional. We got to the restaurant and they both ordered beers. At this point I know I should have just ordered a coke I wanted to make a good impression as I have been trying to get a promotion, so I figured one beer couldn't hurt. Stupid idea. That night was fine, we just had a couple beers, had some grub and then went home. The following night I had that horrible craving again. On my way home from work I had to stop and get gas and I had the next day off. I walked inside and while standing in line, I kid you not, every person in line was buying beer. I couldn't resist anymore and bought a 6 pack. Another stupid idea. For the last 2 months I have been drinking again and feeling more like **** every time I do it. I woke up this morning and decided I am done again. I don't want to keep going through life feeling like **** all the time, broke, and making stupid decisions. This time I'm going to give it everything I have, I'm going to choose not to harm myself with this poison anymore. This time around I'm going to order that coke. I'm going to be on here everyday for support and to help support others. I'm going to my first AA meeting this week as well. Wish me luck.
We're glad to have you back! 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Welcome Glguy. I know right where you are. Been there many times. The obsession to drink like a normal drinker - took me 20 years of trying and failing before I finally admitted defeat. I know it sounds crazy, but we ultimately beat this things by stopping the fight. The harder I fight it, the harder it kicks my a$$...
I go to AA often. I have found myself there. For years I was different. Nobody I knew drank like I did. In AA and this site I have found people that know what it's like to plan their drinking days in advance, to count drinks, to find an atm receipt in their pocket the morning after and be terrified, and to try and quit and have all the evidence in the world that I should quit - and fail time after time...
The real problem with my drinking is in my mind. The thought that I can drink and not have all the bad stuff happen is insanity. In order for me to have any peace in the world, I had to find a way to live without the booze... I have found that in AA and you can to!
I wish you the best man!!!
I go to AA often. I have found myself there. For years I was different. Nobody I knew drank like I did. In AA and this site I have found people that know what it's like to plan their drinking days in advance, to count drinks, to find an atm receipt in their pocket the morning after and be terrified, and to try and quit and have all the evidence in the world that I should quit - and fail time after time...
The real problem with my drinking is in my mind. The thought that I can drink and not have all the bad stuff happen is insanity. In order for me to have any peace in the world, I had to find a way to live without the booze... I have found that in AA and you can to!
I wish you the best man!!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 232
So good you decided to come back. I'm only beginning here and at the moment I am feeling very positive and determined, but when you described your 47 days and then the restaurant where you knew you should have ordered a coke I pictured it so vividly in my mind, only it was me, 44 days from now in the same situation and not ordering the Coke either...
It makes me realise how fragile we are around alcohol and how easy it would be to slip into that old life. I wish you the best, its great you're taking care of yourself again.
It makes me realise how fragile we are around alcohol and how easy it would be to slip into that old life. I wish you the best, its great you're taking care of yourself again.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 29
I can fully relate. I described in my thread how I made it to 2-3 months sober several times in the last few years, but kept returning, and how it happened to me is exactly how it happened to you. It would start with a moderate amount, and then quickly the obsession would come back. Before I would know it I was back to being a full scale drunk.
You simply can't have that one drink. The thought that you can be a normal drinker will return again, and it will for me too. We just can't listen to it anymore.
You simply can't have that one drink. The thought that you can be a normal drinker will return again, and it will for me too. We just can't listen to it anymore.
I failed more than my share of times but finally 'got it' and am happily sober over a year now.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The Sooner State
Posts: 1,725
hey! thanks for posting this! I made it 47 days as well and relapsed. Dont be upset with yourself. you had a lot of sober time. Thats a HUGE deal for an alcoholic. We are wired a totally different way!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Welcome back.
I know whatcha mean...I was at the gas station and a friend of mine was in front of me. He had a nice big beautiful jug of gorgeous scrumdelicous whiskey and a case of coke.
OMG. It was the warmed day yet this season and oh, did the looks of that sound good.
Then later that night walking my dogs there was a small traveler bottle empty in the ditch just like I used to buy. Again, I gazed lovingly at it but knowing that the poison within would ruin everything I've worked so hard for.
I know whatcha mean...I was at the gas station and a friend of mine was in front of me. He had a nice big beautiful jug of gorgeous scrumdelicous whiskey and a case of coke.
OMG. It was the warmed day yet this season and oh, did the looks of that sound good.
Then later that night walking my dogs there was a small traveler bottle empty in the ditch just like I used to buy. Again, I gazed lovingly at it but knowing that the poison within would ruin everything I've worked so hard for.
Trying.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 17
Thank you all for the comments. I came home tonight and had a bottle of water and started reading a book I've wanted to for a while to keep my mind off of it. The first three days seems to be the hardest, then I'm fine for about 2 or 3 weeks and that's when it gets a little hard again. After that amount of time I start to convince myself, "Hey, you can make it three weeks, you haven't had one in a while, so maybe you're not as bad as you think." I feel good though and look forward to getting up in the morning feeling good and not hung over. I wish the best of luck to everyone on here. It's always good to see that I'm not alone and the thoughts that go through my mind aren't crazy, as everyone here can relate to them. I hope everyone has a great night! Day 2 tomorrow!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 694
Been there, that's a tough one the first time round, I seen a guy almost force an employee to drink, he keep insisting until the guy gave in, "here, just this one I've already poured it, don't make me waste the good stuf".
It can be tough, I'm amazed everyday that I've made it this far, it took many times before it took and it's only been 53 days, I've made it longer one time before so I know it's not over, it's never over.
If you looked at my first 50 to 75 posts you would see a drunken and sometimes angry guy trapped in hell.
I'm glad to be free but I must keep a look out for that next big test, it's coming, it always comes...
Welcome back, keep reading and posting, it really does help.
It can be tough, I'm amazed everyday that I've made it this far, it took many times before it took and it's only been 53 days, I've made it longer one time before so I know it's not over, it's never over.
If you looked at my first 50 to 75 posts you would see a drunken and sometimes angry guy trapped in hell.
I'm glad to be free but I must keep a look out for that next big test, it's coming, it always comes...
Welcome back, keep reading and posting, it really does help.
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