sillysquirrel

So, after a week of kids sick with the flu and strep, last night I got sick. Aches, fever, chills, and cough. Completely out of commission. I got my kids off to school today and my inlaws were kind enough to take the youngest. I spent the entire day on the couch....unable to move.

I called my "R"AH this afternoon and told him he was in charge of supper. Of course, he is incapable of cooking a meal so he picked something up. Whatever....fine with me. He then went to his parents to pick up our D. His dad made chicken soup for me and sent it home with him. But because I am sick, I just couldn't eat it. Well...about an hour later....while I am half asleep on the couch, he starts in about how unappreciative I am because I didn't eat the soup. I explain to him that I thought it was very thoughtful but i just can't eat right now. He goes on saying that I didn't thank him ("R"AH). "for what". I say. "For the soup my dad made for you". Now why would he think I shoul thank him for a gesture his dad made?

And this coming from a man who appreciates nothing that I do. He has been screaming at the kids about their messes ( he is just as bad, probably worse). He tells them "when mom is sick you need to help out", and yet he isn't helping. Honestly, my house is a disaster right now because I have been sick for the last 24 hours. And he has the nerve to pick a fight with me and tell me how unappreciative I am?

Sorry for the rant. Just needed to vent tonight.

Thumper

Ugh. Ignore the quacking. It will never end.

I hope you feel better soon. It is so hard when us mom's get sick.

laurie6781

I am sorry you are sick. However, I did have to do a real 'belly laugh' at your rant.

That is not just an A. I have 'normie' friends, whose hubbys are the same way. It seems that men just have no clue how to deal with sickness in others. However, when they are sick, even with a cold you would think they are dying.

Have you seen that ad on TV where the guy is lying on the couch, ill with something, I think the flu, and whining that he can't reach the remote. Everytime it comes on I yell at the TV "get it yourself!"

Now not all men are that way but a good majority are. My S-I-L was that way early in their marriage (no he is not an A). They now have 4 kids. However, on the few occasions when daughter does get sick he does pitch in, it took years of 'training' by daughter. However, when he gets sick, he is still a BIG BABY.

I am sorry you have not had any help from your hubby, I will send out some good thoughts and prayers that you feel better soon.

Love and hugs,

marie678

I agree with Laurie, lol. I think that may just be men in general. However, my AH is the same way. I can count on my fingers the number of times he's ever done dishes or laundry (and we've been together almost a decade!). Yet, each time, he expects a huge appreciation ceremony or something. When he doesn't get it, he's fussy and gives me the same line yours did, "you didn't even say thank you..." "I'm sorry, lol. I must have missed when you said "thank you" after the 90781273461475834 times I've washed the dishes. Please forgive me. Thank you!!!" <insert very dramatic eye roll here>

TakingCharge999

Of course you are sick as you do everything there... is he even able to call a maid service or something? or will you get better just to catch up with the cleaning?

When do you REST? or do you think you have to be sick in order to get some sleep?

When does it end?

Does it end...?


This is a post that goes for myself as well as I tend to get lost in work and I just got sick too and its no wonder due to my bad habits and odd sleeping hours.

Stress and resentment take a huge toll in health- its not worth it. If we lose health we lose everything.

sillysquirrel

Well, my post was more about him chewing me out for NOT being appreciative of the soup his father made for me. He had decided this because I did not eat the soup. I couldn't eat anything. And then, on top of that, he was mad because I didn't thank him ("R"AH) for the soup that his father made. Huh?? I will thank his father today for the nice gesture....but no thanks to my hubby. As far as the lack of help goes, it is what it is and he will never help, whether I am sick or not. It scares me to think what would happen to my children's lives if something were ever to happen to me. Scary!!!

Tuffgirl

There are times when it is appropriate to say something along the lines of "shut up and leave me alone".

Just curious - why engage with him when he's talking nonsense? Can you stop in those moments and tell yourself this conversation is not worth the oxygen you'd expend to have it?

And I am sorry you are sick - we're all getting over a seriously nasty case of flu at my house. Sucks!

atalose

Sorry you are sick, I hope you are feeling better.

Have you ever heard the expression “the only way to win the game is to not play the game”.

I’ve learned to not engage myself in the quacking game. Here you are on the couch sick and not feeling well and he and you still seemed to make it all about HIM. Next time just close your eyes and ignore his quacks. Often we’ve learned that the only way to relate is through quacking back and forth at each other. Try and change the theme – try and change the way you react to his behaviors.

returntonormal

This always happens in our house too. AH cooks dinner most nights and if we don't eat enough (based on what he thinks we should consume) then he gets bent out of shape. If HE decides the meal didn't turn out, then he expects us to massage his ego.

As if Food Network is on their way over...

I can totally relate to what you wrote - food is a big issue in our house. So is "proving" you're grateful.

pixilation

going thru the same thing here(almost identical in fact, strep and flu, which progressed to an ear infection for middle)

And after begging for help last week, it hit me on Friday, and getting nothing, I stopped asking, and just did what I could. Which means it wasn't good enough for him, which means he had to drink and quack about it last night.

Midwestman

Maybe you should just look at it as just another symptom of the flu. Chills, fever, stuffy nose, upset stomach, immature husband.

wanttobehealthy

OMG! And here we have again, another example of how we married the same man. Remember that show Quantum leap? Maybe my H is "leaping" bw my house and yours!

I'm sooo sorry you're sick. It's so true that being the mom and being sick is so rough as everyone else has said.

And in true "R"AH mode, I LOVE (not really) that your H expects a thank you bc HIS dad made you soup. Unreal.

My "R"AH too is in panties in a bunch mode bc since I got out of the hospital he's had to do more than his usual nothing and is trying to hide the resentment for having to help but not doing a great job. I'd probably expect that before your "R"AH gets better it'll get worse. Don't be surprised if he goes looking for a fight about something unrelated to your being sick just so he can vent. Remarkable how they think when THEY are sick that the world should stop but when others are sick we are expected to still keep doing everything we do when we're well.

Hope you're able to get some rest today!

sillysquirrel

Ahhh, WTBH.....I knew you would be able to relate.

I don't get sick very often.....at least I don't let it keep me on the couch all day. I am a very busy, active woman...probably to my own demise. But, when I do go down, "R"AH is never there for me. And trust me, if he gets this flu bug, he will claim that he got it a lot worse than the rest of us!! And will be the biggest baby of all.

My children have been wonderful...bringing me blankets, tissues, ice water, asking how I am feeling, etc. "R"AH wants me better, not for my sake, but for his own self-serving purposes. EVERYTHING he says or does p*sses me off these days. And it keeps getting worse because I don't ever talk to him about it because he is not capable of an adult conversation.

I am planning to work all day today. I have decided I don't care about the mess. My focus is to make money since he has removed his funds. I will keep my office clean and the mudroom where my clients enter but the rest of the house is not my concern. I will pick up after myself. He can hire a maid or clean it himself. That's what ya get for not appreciating all of the free labor that I provide around here. He doesn't provide free labor, so why should I??

barb dwyer

I don't know...

it might have been fun
to eat the soup
then yack it all over him....

'honey I gave you back the soup and you didn't even thank me."

I wish I could throw up at will.

There's been some moments in my life
that vomiting all over the person

would have been the perfect life moment.

Alone22

I got chewed out for not eating his super spicy hot wings while I was pg with our son and had HORRIBLE sickness ( I was unable to eat much of anything for about 3 months...lost 20% of my body weight). I also got the joy of having the entire house smell like those hot wings too. I was up in bed trying not to hurl when he brought them up to me and stuck them under my nose. He was SOOO made that I would not even try them! Yeah... thanks for the compassion buddy. They are so self focused so self centered and it really doesn't matter what we are going through.

Hope you are feeling better soon! Leave your house a mess. Take care of you!