A big fat thank you....

Old 04-12-2011, 08:38 PM
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A big fat thank you....

to my AH. He gave me the motivation I needed to take the next step.

I listened to him on his cellphone (after he came home from drinking) talk about all his grandiose plans to partner with his new "business associate" (same guy who showed up to my luncheon with him... Drunk! AH sure knows how to pick em... But then again, so do I apparently!!!).

He went on and on about how he's going to make millions and have a big goregous house, cars, and vacations. Good god (said in my best Cyranoak voice!)

So he got off the phone... And wanted to "talk", asked me where I wanted this to go. I said I was unsure still. So he took to the floor and proceeded to tell me about how important drinking is for business development, but I can't understand that because I'm an engineer (who's had her own SUCCESSFUL business for 5 years now, but I digress!) and I don't have the social skills he does. Whatever. So, it's important that he be able to continue drinking with these people so he can build his business and get rich. And oh, by the way, that's who he was I married him, and that's who he's going to continue being!

Me? "fair enough. Be who you want, Im not asking you to change. I'm just saying I've come to the realization that's not what I want. I don't think I need to include alcohol to build relationships. In fact, I think I prevents you from having a REAL relationship. I prefer to surround myself with people like me... Wo like to run, bike, and things like that. That's what I value."

It went downhill and rather than go into the details, it ended by me saying... We need to stop talking. Its doing more harm than good. This marriage is over and I'll have the papers filed tomorrow. Figure out if you want the house or not. If you do, you'll need to come up with the money to buy me out. Otherwise, it's going on the market ASAP.

I'm done folks. No more tiptoeing around it. I don't like who he is. He's an angry, arrogant, materialistic *****... And sobering up isn't going to fix that.

So, I emailed the attorney... "File the papers. I'm ready to go." that's it... Nothing more to say. It's go time. Time to get busy working on my new life! Yahhhoooo!!!
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Old 04-12-2011, 08:44 PM
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Well, it sounds like he's on the road to riches, fame and fortune, so pack his lunch and wave goodbye from the front stoop.

So proud of you, for standing your ground, and saying how you feel. I hope things go as smoothly as possible for you. Great Job!
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Old 04-12-2011, 08:56 PM
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Hi Gettingby

Go you!

I think that I read the other day that you were in a very ambivilent place, not too sure if you wanted to end your marriage or not. It appears the switch has happened for you and its great not living in ambivilence, either way you choose, its like a giant weight is lifted. It happened to me.

I had my own epiphany recently after living for months in limbo land and it wasnt even something huge that set me off. It was some small things, like realising that its not about the drinking anymore its about my husbands behaviour and the way my husband treats me and that isnt going to change, not at least whilst he is still drinking and hes not stopping as hes told me numerous times.

Currently I feel good about making the decision to leave and putting my plans into action. Everytime he disapoints me or is disrespectful, it justifies to me why I want to live and be on my own. I think you sound like you have found your own happy place and not frightened anymore about moving in that direction. So as I said before GO YOU!
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Old 04-12-2011, 09:19 PM
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Oh gawd, so familair. My STBXAH told me he HAD to drink with the boss and the other dudes in the field he is in to "build cameraderie". Even though he was gettting along just fine with his boss and work mates prior to getting sh*it-wrecked. But that ridiculous excuse was basically him trying to give himself a valid reason to booze it up. They ALWAYS look for a valid reason first, before the belligerence and the "Whateva! Ah do whut I WANT!" attitude comes out. And it always does. Every drunk is a selfish drunk.

I got the speech too about how successful he was going to become, and how it would be a shame I wouldn't be there to enjoy the riches with him. My take? A rich drunk is just a drunk who now has more money to spend on booze. We all know by now that that never leads to anything good.

Good for you for making a decision to put your happiness first.
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Old 04-12-2011, 09:22 PM
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Hot Damn...you go girl!!
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Old 04-12-2011, 09:26 PM
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Good for you. Here's to new beginnings.
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Old 04-12-2011, 11:28 PM
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Curled up in a good book...
 
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'Glad' your AH managed to help you realise where you needed to go!
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Old 04-13-2011, 06:13 AM
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It feels so great to finally make a decision and start moving, doesn't it?

Best of luck to you, as you plan your new future.
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Old 04-13-2011, 06:37 AM
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GettingBy, this is awesome. The Serenity Prayer in action - accepting the things we cannot change (him) and having the courage to change the things we can (you and your circumstances) and the sweet knowledge of having the wisdom to know the difference.

The ending of a relationship is painful no matter what the issues are. Keep looking forward. Stay strong in your convictions that you deserve a better life, and it is up to you and you alone to provide yourself that.

~T
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Old 04-13-2011, 06:45 AM
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Well, it sounds like he's on the road to riches, fame and fortune, so pack his lunch and wave goodbye from the front stoop.


I just LOVE the image of this!! Except it will be him standing on the stoop, and me driving off into the sunset with my kids and golden retriever by my side! I'm so looking forward to trading this ungodly mortgage and uppity neighborhood for something down to earth and humble. I'm looking forward to getting on with a life of gratitude, humility, and real, genuine people who care about me.

He can have the house, neighborhood, the fancy cars... but he's going to need a new trophy wife... 'cuz this one is DONE.
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Old 04-13-2011, 07:05 AM
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way to go, gettingby.

you're gonna have to change your username one of these days!!
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Old 04-13-2011, 07:22 AM
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yeah to something like "gett'r done"!
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Old 04-13-2011, 07:33 AM
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You sound like me. Me and the kids and the goldens waved him goodbye from our front porch after he told me one too many times that nothing was as important to him as getting drunk and hanging with his buddies. (in actions AND words. can you imagine? And *I* was the unreasonable one. LOL.)

You will be laughing about it soon. It's incredibly healing. Good job, Miss Thriving.
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Old 04-13-2011, 07:38 AM
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Originally Posted by stella27 View Post
You sound like me. Me and the kids and the goldens waved him goodbye from our front porch after he told me one too many times that nothing was as important to him as getting drunk and hanging with his buddies. (in actions AND words. can you imagine? And *I* was the unreasonable one. LOL.)

You will be laughing about it soon. It's incredibly healing. Good job, Miss Thriving.
Hey...that may be a great new user name!
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Old 04-13-2011, 08:05 AM
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Gettinby! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is *the sign* you were waiting for from HP! And talk about decking it out in ridiculously bright neon lights.

I'm so glad you were able to come to this decision and realize where YOUR path lies.
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Old 04-13-2011, 08:25 AM
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Originally Posted by GettingBy View Post
"fair enough. Be who you want, Im not asking you to change. I'm just saying I've come to the realization that's not what I want. I don't think I need to include alcohol to build relationships. In fact, I think I prevents you from having a REAL relationship. I prefer to surround myself with people like me... Wo like to run, bike, and things like that. That's what I value."
This is making a YOU statement.
This is knowing that his ideal is not yours.
This is truth, and you know it is.

I am not sure how he reacted to that clear statement.
BUt, it does not matter.
I hope your resolve stands strong.

The justification of his alcoholism by stating that he needs to do it in order to start and succeed in a business is addiction 101.

And, no...in my experience, he probably wont change all that much if he did get sober, it would be another LONG, HARD mountain...with you adjusting, and tolerating, and waiting. ...for him to grow up and out of his addict thinking.

The universe is helping you make this happen, and keep looking for the signs that say GO.
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Old 04-13-2011, 08:33 AM
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Originally Posted by GettingBy View Post

He can have the house, neighborhood, the fancy cars... but he's going to need a new trophy wife... 'cuz this one is DONE.
I smell a country western song in the making...
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Old 04-13-2011, 08:34 AM
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Winning!!!
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Old 04-13-2011, 08:34 AM
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same planet...different world
 
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What I loved reading
was your responses.

'Well maybe I've come to the point that I realize that's not what I'm after in life.'
(or something like that)

You owned your preferences,
you stood your ground
not a lot of wah wah and blame
just this is what I am in
and I don't want to be in it.


excellent.
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Old 04-13-2011, 08:42 AM
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Getting By- Woohoo! You're amazing! I'm glad for you and your kids (and your dog!) and hope that I get to the same place you are in real soon! Are you actively packing and really leaving asap or will you wait until the divorce is final and all?
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