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Join Date: Aug 2010
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I've lurked for several years on and off--sometimes for myself, sometimes for my boyfriend. I posted once before quite some time ago about issues with my boyfriend's addiction. But I've finally decided its time to deal with mine.
Growing up, I was a total "good girl." Never did the high schooling partying thing and had never had even one drink. I was also very shy and had difficulty with social situations. I started college at a hard partying school in a hard partying city. I discovered that alcohol made me less shy and more "fun." I very quickly started drinking as often as possible (I was still underage.) When I hit 21, the drinking increased. I suspected during college that I had a problem with alcohol and even went to a few AA meetings. But I convinced myself that this was a college phase and surely I'd stop when I got into the "real world."
Well, here I am four years after graduation and my drinking has only gotten worse. I tried moderation many times, as I guess most people here have, and, while it seemed to work for a while, it always got worse again. After a particularly bad night about a month ago, my boyfriend (who has been sober from drug addiction for about two years) told me that he couldn't be with me anymore, if I kept drinking. He loved me, but he hated the person I became when I was drunk. I long ago stopped being fun when I drank.
I was mad for a while, convinced that I was fine. But I started thinking about the mornings when I couldn't recall the night before and was pretty sure that I didn't want to know, the mornings that I did remember what I'd done and was mortified. I remembered the times I'd done stupid things that hurt my friends and family. The drunken antics that had been funny as a college freshman stopped being funny a long time ago. I already knew I was alcoholic, but didn't want to admit it. I wanted to keep drinking, hoping that eventually I'd figure out a way to drink like a normal person. But I already knew that wasn't going to happen.
So, I decided to stop. I've been using Rational Recovery and that's been really helpful for me. It's been around a month and I feel pretty good so far. The only time its really hard is when I'm at home at night alone (my boyfriend works nights). When I was drinking, I usually cleaned off a 1.5 liter bottle of wine in the evenings. I've been reading this forum during those times instead of going to the store for my wine. So, I thought maybe I'd try actually participating instead of just reading.
Growing up, I was a total "good girl." Never did the high schooling partying thing and had never had even one drink. I was also very shy and had difficulty with social situations. I started college at a hard partying school in a hard partying city. I discovered that alcohol made me less shy and more "fun." I very quickly started drinking as often as possible (I was still underage.) When I hit 21, the drinking increased. I suspected during college that I had a problem with alcohol and even went to a few AA meetings. But I convinced myself that this was a college phase and surely I'd stop when I got into the "real world."
Well, here I am four years after graduation and my drinking has only gotten worse. I tried moderation many times, as I guess most people here have, and, while it seemed to work for a while, it always got worse again. After a particularly bad night about a month ago, my boyfriend (who has been sober from drug addiction for about two years) told me that he couldn't be with me anymore, if I kept drinking. He loved me, but he hated the person I became when I was drunk. I long ago stopped being fun when I drank.
I was mad for a while, convinced that I was fine. But I started thinking about the mornings when I couldn't recall the night before and was pretty sure that I didn't want to know, the mornings that I did remember what I'd done and was mortified. I remembered the times I'd done stupid things that hurt my friends and family. The drunken antics that had been funny as a college freshman stopped being funny a long time ago. I already knew I was alcoholic, but didn't want to admit it. I wanted to keep drinking, hoping that eventually I'd figure out a way to drink like a normal person. But I already knew that wasn't going to happen.
So, I decided to stop. I've been using Rational Recovery and that's been really helpful for me. It's been around a month and I feel pretty good so far. The only time its really hard is when I'm at home at night alone (my boyfriend works nights). When I was drinking, I usually cleaned off a 1.5 liter bottle of wine in the evenings. I've been reading this forum during those times instead of going to the store for my wine. So, I thought maybe I'd try actually participating instead of just reading.
Welcome back to the family. Glad you're working on your problem before it gets worse. I stopped for good over a year ago and things have never been better. I hope we can help you as much as this site has helped me.
Hi Corky and welcome. So glad you decided to stop lurking and start posting!
As you probably know someone is always here 24/7 if you are looking for support in anyway. That's great about a month sobriety. Keep it up and
keep reaching out here. Congratulations.
As you probably know someone is always here 24/7 if you are looking for support in anyway. That's great about a month sobriety. Keep it up and
keep reaching out here. Congratulations.
Welcome Corky - glad you decided to post..... Moderate drinking never worked for me either - it took so much effort and I usually failed.
I'm really glad I made the decision to get sober - it was scary at first, but got a little better every day. Support makes it soooo much easier and you'll get lots of that here!:ghug3
I'm really glad I made the decision to get sober - it was scary at first, but got a little better every day. Support makes it soooo much easier and you'll get lots of that here!:ghug3
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