Wasted Days and Wasted Nights
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 133
Wasted Days and Wasted Nights
I can't help thinking about that Freddie Fender song as I type this..."wasted days and wasted nights".
I've been sober now for 40 days. I didn't realize I was alcoholic, just figured I abused alcohol. I have suffered one severe panic attack that sent me to the hospital (thinking I was having a heart attack) and then subsequently I have had severe anxiety. I used alcohol to "cope" but at beginning of Feb. I was sobbing in my doctor's office telling him how I just couldn't cope anymore. He suggested I was depressed (I never talked about my alcohol abuse) and perscribed me some antianxiety meds. When I went to fill them, I noticed on the sheet they give out that one should not consume alcohol on these meds. I asked the pharmacist about this and he said that in order to see if the meds work, one should not use alcohol. I also was diagnosed with high blood pressure - this really frightened me. I was at risk of developing heart disease, heart attacks, stroke, kidney failure. I had blood work done to find out whether my kidn eys had been compromised and luckily all came back within normal range.
So - I decided to stop drinking since I just couldn't handle the anxiety anymore. Now, with reading this forum I have come to realize that I have a big drinking problem and most likely my anxiety is a direct result of my alcohol consumption. I absolutely adore red wine. I love the smell and the bouquet. I love the way it looks in a glass and how it swirls and most of all I love the taste and buzz. I found myself drinking 1 bottle of wine a day. I would go maybe 3 days without, but on the weekends both my husband I would drink. Sometimes I would feel lousy the next morning - shaky, headache and feeling spaced out - and then the anxiety started to get reallky, really bad about October and I found myself having 5-6 episodes a day. Drinking helped during the evening but of course the following day the panic would return.
Now sober for 40 days and I've got my bloodpressure back down to normal. My anxiety is practically non existant. Is it the meds? Probably a combination of both meds and not drinking. I love the way I feel. My complexion is better and I'm no longer bloated. I've been working out faithfully and my body is getting toned.
When I get an urge to drink - I tell myself that this "occasion" (or whatever excuse) will always come around again that there is always going to be another chance to drink and this time is not the time. Now - after reading the many posts on this forum I am starting to think that I may never be able to drink again (I've never tried to quit before). I do not drink in moderation - in fact I do not do anything in moderation. I never want that anxeity again - it was horrible and I see that many here suffer from the same problem and that returning to a drink - even one, has only brought back the anxiety.
I used to smoke, but stopped that in 1993 and found that when I was trying to quit smoking that I always sabotaged myself by just having one, or lighting a friends, or only saying I'd smoke while drinking (I didn't drink every day then). In order to quit - I could never take that next puff. I no longer have one urge to smoke and never miss it.
I don't really know what I am asking - I think I am only telling my story because I need to tell someone.
Genie
I've been sober now for 40 days. I didn't realize I was alcoholic, just figured I abused alcohol. I have suffered one severe panic attack that sent me to the hospital (thinking I was having a heart attack) and then subsequently I have had severe anxiety. I used alcohol to "cope" but at beginning of Feb. I was sobbing in my doctor's office telling him how I just couldn't cope anymore. He suggested I was depressed (I never talked about my alcohol abuse) and perscribed me some antianxiety meds. When I went to fill them, I noticed on the sheet they give out that one should not consume alcohol on these meds. I asked the pharmacist about this and he said that in order to see if the meds work, one should not use alcohol. I also was diagnosed with high blood pressure - this really frightened me. I was at risk of developing heart disease, heart attacks, stroke, kidney failure. I had blood work done to find out whether my kidn eys had been compromised and luckily all came back within normal range.
So - I decided to stop drinking since I just couldn't handle the anxiety anymore. Now, with reading this forum I have come to realize that I have a big drinking problem and most likely my anxiety is a direct result of my alcohol consumption. I absolutely adore red wine. I love the smell and the bouquet. I love the way it looks in a glass and how it swirls and most of all I love the taste and buzz. I found myself drinking 1 bottle of wine a day. I would go maybe 3 days without, but on the weekends both my husband I would drink. Sometimes I would feel lousy the next morning - shaky, headache and feeling spaced out - and then the anxiety started to get reallky, really bad about October and I found myself having 5-6 episodes a day. Drinking helped during the evening but of course the following day the panic would return.
Now sober for 40 days and I've got my bloodpressure back down to normal. My anxiety is practically non existant. Is it the meds? Probably a combination of both meds and not drinking. I love the way I feel. My complexion is better and I'm no longer bloated. I've been working out faithfully and my body is getting toned.
When I get an urge to drink - I tell myself that this "occasion" (or whatever excuse) will always come around again that there is always going to be another chance to drink and this time is not the time. Now - after reading the many posts on this forum I am starting to think that I may never be able to drink again (I've never tried to quit before). I do not drink in moderation - in fact I do not do anything in moderation. I never want that anxeity again - it was horrible and I see that many here suffer from the same problem and that returning to a drink - even one, has only brought back the anxiety.
I used to smoke, but stopped that in 1993 and found that when I was trying to quit smoking that I always sabotaged myself by just having one, or lighting a friends, or only saying I'd smoke while drinking (I didn't drink every day then). In order to quit - I could never take that next puff. I no longer have one urge to smoke and never miss it.
I don't really know what I am asking - I think I am only telling my story because I need to tell someone.
Genie
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
It sounds like you're doing well.
I used alcohol to deal with anxiety/panic attacks that I had since my teenage years. And, like you, I found before long, that things were worse than ever. I don't ever want to go through a post-drinking anxiety attack again.
I used alcohol to deal with anxiety/panic attacks that I had since my teenage years. And, like you, I found before long, that things were worse than ever. I don't ever want to go through a post-drinking anxiety attack again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 133
Thank you for the welcomes. I feel like already know many of you because I've spent the last 48 hours reading 100s of posts.
I feel so stupid - not knowing that alcohol could be such a terrible thing. I always knew I drank way more than others, but, I didn't know I was doing such harm to my body. Sure I knew about the liver thing, but not that it played havoc on the nervous system or the other organs. Sheesh.
I've been amused by some of the posts - especially the ones about cycling liquor stores. And certainly many of the posts have left me in tears as I can feel your pain.
So far, I've only been in one situation where drinking was close at hand and I managed to not use. it was tough though because this was the first time I had ever done this event without drinking. And in 2 weeks I will be out of town and in a similar situation - a bit worse though because the people I will be seeing like to celebrate. I maybe tuning into this forum for support.
Thanks,
Genie
I feel so stupid - not knowing that alcohol could be such a terrible thing. I always knew I drank way more than others, but, I didn't know I was doing such harm to my body. Sure I knew about the liver thing, but not that it played havoc on the nervous system or the other organs. Sheesh.
I've been amused by some of the posts - especially the ones about cycling liquor stores. And certainly many of the posts have left me in tears as I can feel your pain.
So far, I've only been in one situation where drinking was close at hand and I managed to not use. it was tough though because this was the first time I had ever done this event without drinking. And in 2 weeks I will be out of town and in a similar situation - a bit worse though because the people I will be seeing like to celebrate. I maybe tuning into this forum for support.
Thanks,
Genie
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome Genie! Good for you for getting sober - I agree that the anxiety (a part of withdrawals/hangovers) was the worst...... I really don't know how I managed to drink so for long.
This forum has been a life-saver for me. Good to have you join us!
This forum has been a life-saver for me. Good to have you join us!
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Texas, USA
Posts: 45
Thanks for sharing your story and having the courage to face it. I have had minor anxiety. In particular, a few days after I would stop binging on beer. I am done with it also. Keep up the good work.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: tacoma wa
Posts: 5
that pink cloud i remember it well.
in A.A the pink cloud refers to the first 90 days of sobriety where everything seems to go your way and life is great again and usually is.just be prepared because life is still there and will sneak up on you.sorry to be a buzz kill just keepin it real.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 284
Welcome to your new life Genie. Congrats on 40 days. I find living living without alcohol to be so liberating. Of course I'll be able to drive friends home at midnight, or wake up at 5 am for an early, meeting, or get up to see the sun rise on weekends, etc. That's because I'll be sober.
I feel that with sobriety, I can do anything I put my mind to, and without sobriety, I will always struggle to achieve my goals and fail more often than not.
Alcohol is so overrated! There is no new kind of drunk to feel, we've all felt it 1000's of times and it's the same damn thing.
I feel that with sobriety, I can do anything I put my mind to, and without sobriety, I will always struggle to achieve my goals and fail more often than not.
Alcohol is so overrated! There is no new kind of drunk to feel, we've all felt it 1000's of times and it's the same damn thing.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
