jalapenolover

Oh geez... today is my youngest son birthday! He wants to invite our AS to b-day dinner tonight. I really don't feel warm and fuzzy about this. We are in the midst of detachment and the little one is so forgiving and just doesn't get it sometimes. I know that I must follow my boundaries but... would you bite the bullet to make the youngest happy or stick with your guns? I know ultimately I HAVE to make the decision but what would YOU do?

hello-kitty

Hmmm.... My son is five. I do my best for him. I want him to be happy, especially on his birthday. But it's also my job to protect him. So when my son wants to see his dad I tell him, your daddy has an illness. We cannot see him. This makes my son so sad. And angry at me as well. But I still think that in the long run it is the best and safest thing for us.

It kills me to have to do this. If there was anyway I thought it was possible for my son to see his father without horribly disrupting our lives or making the situation worse, I would let him.

In my case, it's not about me. It's about doing what's best for my child.

So I guess you need to make your own call.

jalapenolover

Makes sense! MY AS is soooo NOT a great role-model and who knows what can come out of his mouth. I seriously think it would create tension with the others there too. There are also no guarantees as to whether or not he will be high. Thanks for sharing your thoughts hello-kitty!

rose

That is a tough question. How old is your youngest son?

Rose

Kindeyes

Oh boy, that's a tough one. I honestly don't know what I would do. Perhaps I would pray and then sit quietly and let my HP guide me.

Let us know what you decide and how it goes.

gentle hugs

jalapenolover

Home from dinner (he turned 12 today). We agreed to let him invite his brother. Surprisingly he was sober and was really really good. Problem... during dinner I receive a text message from AS (sitting across from me) with a photo of a baby that says - this may be your grandson. OMG!!! Well I know damn good n well it couldn't have been him because he was in the military for last 12 months and the timeline just doesn't add up. Sure enough it was the crazy girl from a year ago and now he is claiming; VIA TEXT (mind you) that he wants to adopt this baby. Good grief... he cannot even take care of himself much less another human being. My HP guided me to ignore the text message. No sense in stirring up drama. This is the girl who introduced him and helped in becoming addicted to drugs in the first place AND left him high and dry in a hotel room 1.5 years prior without a dime in his pocket.

I'm throwing up my hands in disgust!!!

coffeedrinker

i think not replying was the right decision.

sounds like it was a good birthday celebration.

Kindeyes

I'm glad to hear that he was sober and was being good. The text thing was a little strange......sounds like he was trying to get a reaction and you were level headed enough not to give it to him. Good for you!

Happy Birthday to your 12 year old!

gentle hugs

jalapenolover

I believe you are correct Kindeyes, I cannot remember who on the SR board recently said the following, "If you don't know what to do, do nothing". That is what I chose to do.. this AS son of mine LOVES to argue. So.. I chose not to go there.
Thanks to all for always being here!

katie44

Good for you for not reacting. Typical addictive behaviour trying to throw a shock in to you. Sounds like you had a nice birthday celebration though.!

hello-kitty

You are an awesome mom, jalapeno!

keepinon

Jeez..dra-ma!seriously..shows you how thay stop maturing when they start using..good job not taking the bait..