hope2be

My AS wore me down yesterday. After I stuck to my boundary and told him to leave yesterday morning, he did. However, went back to the in-laws and stayed there until yesterday afternoon. then, of course, the in-laws called me, concerned but wanting to know what was going on. I wanted to scream at my sister-in-law.....IF YOU ALLOW HIM IN YOUR HOUSE, FINE. DON'T CALL ME AFTER!! Duh...just don't answer the phone next time

He came over again in the afternoon and the weather was horrible. I felt defeated. I didn't have the strength to keep my boundary fence up. I let him sleep over. He bathed, ate a meal and was in bed at 5:30pm...slept all night. He's still sleeping or maybe awake, but lying in bed.
Here comes the tough part again....telling him to leave.

I know that I created my own situation by letting him stay last night and now I have to go through the same all over again.

At my lowest, I've even thought of returning my AD's daughter back to her, and tell the rest of my adult children...the hell with you! Leave me alone! I know this sounds horrible...but there, I've said it! This is how I feel...I just can't act on it.

I just need to know you all are there. I have no friends and really need to go to an Alan-anon meeting or something.
thanks to all and huggs

Kindeyes

hope2be
Be gentle with yourself. This whole thing is a process. We just don't wake up one day and deal with every situation perfectly. It just doesn't work that way. Every experience we have provides us with growth.

I understand the way you feel. I have thought, said, and prayed some pretty terrible things as they relate to my son's addiction. I've wanted to run away too. I've wanted to just say "I'm outta here.....all of you can handle your own problems." Except for the "I'm outta here" part.....the rest of that statement is ok. In fact, it's more than ok. They SHOULD handle their own problems! lol

I do hope you go to a meeting (Naranon or Alanon). The program works if you work it. It was very alien and awkward for me at first but I'm sure glad I kept going. Without the reading, meetings, and SR.....I'm not sure I would have survived the last few years.

You are never alone. We're here to support you as you walk this difficult path.

Take care of you.

gentle hugs

keepinon

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain from getting to a meeting..restored me to quasi-sanity! It takes practice to hold our boundaries.What helped me was knowing that everytime I gave money or a place to crash I was prolonging the disease..this helped me so much because I am not patient and did not want to see my child struggle one minute longer than she had to.Don't think of it as helping your son..think of it as feeding his disease..the reframe really did alot for my stinkin thinkin...

mooselips

((hope2be))
Just a couple weeks ago, I too, had a weak moment.
In fact I was begging Ann to swift kick me with her steel toed bunny slippers.

BUT...(here's the good part) I was able to identify that I didn't do myself a favor when I slipped, and I see that you see it too!

That's good news, because with practice, and alot of patience, we are working OUR program.


As for the frustration you are feeling, I fully understand, it just kind of builds up, until we're ready to implode!
It's a good thing to verbalize it, talk it out, we all understand.

You're a terrific Granny, I'm not sure if I could do what you are doing, raising your GD....

Hugs and hugs and hugs.......

P.S. When is the last time you did something good for YOU?

Kindeyes

ooooh......owie

greeteachday

(((((((H2b))))))))
You do have friends! We are here. I know it is a cyber world, but that does not make us less your friends. It's okay to have those moments...As Moose said, it is recognizing them that helps us to continue to move forward in the journey. Sending positive thoughts and prayers.