LeadHatter

just a question aside from the obvious 'buying alcohol for a alcoholic or offering it them' what else is or could be seen as 'enabling behavior'.

im beginning to think i should read this big book of aa...i dont have a copy but i guess its public domain [on the net somewhere]

suki44883

Many things can constitute enabling behavior. Doing things for someone when they are perfectly able to do them themselves, getting in the way of them facing consequences for their bad decisions, etc.

Here are some other examples...

Repeatedly bailing them out - of jail, financial problems, other "tight spots" they get themselves into

Giving them "one more chance" - ...then another...and another

Ignoring the problem - because they get defensive when you bring it up or your hope that it will magically go away

Joining them in the behavior when you know they have a problem with it - Drinking, gambling, etc.,

Joining them in blaming others - for their own feelings, problems, and misfortunes

Accepting their justifications, excuses and rationalizations - "I'm destroying myself with alcohol because I'm depressed".

Avoiding problems - keeping the peace, believing a lack of conflict will help

Doing for them what they should be able to do for themselves -

Softening or removing the natural consequences of the problem behavior

Trying to "fix" them or their problem

Repeatedly coming to the "Rescue"

Trying to control them or their problem.

Yes, the AA big book is available online. Just google AA big book online.

whiskerkissed

Suki has a GREAT list! Thanks Suki! I don't know anything about the AA literature (I'm NA), but to put it simply - enabling is not allowing them to suffer their own consequences of their repeated behavior. Only until the person begins to suffer those consequences will they begin to feel the reactions their own behaviors cause.

Al-Anon is a great place to help understand the enabling (care-taking) part of those whose lives the alkie affects.

CarolD

rather than approach your situation from the BB...
I suggest you read "CoDependent No More" by M. Beattie

I also found Al anon very helpful when I was dealing with
loved ones who were active in various addictions.

hope this helps...

RV GTO

Agreed, that is a great list Suki.

Mark75

what suki said

michelle01

It goes way beyond buying someone drinks and making it available to them *great list Suki*. In the field people often talk about 'codependency'. They may mean well and think they're being caring, it's often very difficult to let go and let the addict suffer their own consequences. But that is what is usually required to get them to turn around. If someone keeps picking them up, they have no reason to quit. Al Anon exists as a support group for families and friends in this situation.

The Big Book is online Big Book On Line get a hard copy also if you can that you can take with you.

LexieCat

Here's an online version of the Big Book.

The main text is the first 164 pages.

Veritas1

You could also find the book at a public library.

It's called Alcoholics Anonymous.

Aysha

As in my case..Loving them to death....Literally.

Onewithwings

I have always wondered if my husband was an 'enabler' or not. I didn't think he was, but he did these things: