Hopefulone01

Hello,

I stumbled on this place today while trying to find information on detox time expectancies. I read many of the stories and information and have decided that perhaps my story belongs here too.

I began drinking in 1988 and had maybe a total of 3 1/2 years of sobriety mixed in there since. My longest run was 20 months which was brought about by a drunken fight with my wife and an ultimatum. I made it that long without help but eventually like every other time I had tried to quit, convinced myself that I could handle drinking socially. That lasted about 2 trys... Next i switched to hiding and sneaking drinks for fear of the repercussions from my wife. Eventually she gave up on me and told me she wanted a divorce. I did what any "responsible" alcoholic would do and went to the bar to drown my sorrows and forget the pain.

I awoke the next morning to hear my wife yelling "What did you do to the truck" I of course had totaled the side of it. And being in the late stage that I am had no memory of it. I vowed to quit and actually went to an AA meeting for the first time voluntarily. All the other visits were court ordered from the 4 alcohol related driving offenses I have had in my life.

Now I got a new job promotion, as I am quite the functioning alky, and moved alone about 200 miles away from my wife and 5 year old son. I continued to do it alone, knowing this was a very bad idea, until a roomate had a going away party and I agreed to have that 1st glass of wine again.
I left the party when the wine ran out and went solo to a bar. Once again my next memory is wandering the streets completely lost in my new city and eventually remember getting out a a taxi about 4 hours after the bar closed (the sun was starting to rise)

Now one would think I could have learned any one of my previous bumps at rock bottom, but I realize now that I am powerless against this drug and cannot win alone. I have chosen an AA meeting to go to tonight and MUST do it right this time. There is no doubt in my mind that I have reached the last skip of the stone.

I am currently experiencing the worst detox symptoms I have ever had. They started yesterday and continue to persist today. I will be here to let you know how it goes for me.

ReadyAndAble

Hi, welcome to SR. You can do it—you'll find a lot of support here. But first: detox can be really dangerous. You should really think about getting medical help right away if the symptoms are strong...

artsoul

So glad you decided to join - it does sound like you're one of us! I relapse twice, thinking that I could control my drinking, that "circumstances had changed," "I deserved a little fun..." etc etc. I'd been to tons of AA meetings and inpatient rehab and you would think I would have noticed that my drinking was starting to progress and get bad again. But I somehow managed to ignore it and stayed out there for years.

This forum is a huge help for me. It's right there at my fingertips whenever I need a reminder to keep sobriety at the forefront. Mostly I come here now because the people are great.

Hang in there and don't hesitate to get help if your symptoms are bad.

topspin

Hopeful, I somehow stumbled on this site the first day of my sobriety, back in early April. Those first couple of weeks were tough, ......this place has been a real life saver. Sounds like you're well on your way, ...with the "acceptance" part of recovery.

Hope you WILL be here letting us know how it's going for ya' !?!


Welcome to SR


Take care, man

Dee74

Hi Hopefulone01

Welcome

SR certainly helped make a difference for me - I hope we can make a difference for you too

Please do consult with your doctor if you're concerned about your withdrawal - if you've read around here, you'll know how problematic detox/withdrawal has been for some of us.

D

Hopefulone01

Thank you for your encouragement.

I went to the address from the aa website and found no meeting I hate being new to a city and all alone. The area I was sent to was VERY seedy. I think I will call if they have numbers listed next time.

trying2bloom

I hope you're able to find a meeting. Steer through the symptoms, I am new here too, but I'm told many times there are great things at the other end.

recoverywfaith

One time I was out of town w/a friend that was not in recovery but was a support system for me. We called to find an AA meeting in that town and drove there; it was located downtown (usually not the best place at nite for any town) and were reluctant to go...but I needed a meeting, so we went. Room was packed and the meeting was on Unity Someone shared that while away in military service that he was in a bad place (no aa meetings no doubt) and a friend in AA happened to show up...what a miracle...in such a bad situation/different country...they helped each other. Can someone go with you to your first meeting and hey maybe the meeting will be on unity? It was the best mtg. I have ever been to and will never forget it.

Hopefulone01

From what I've read here I think I am just getting a good dose of told you so as far at withdrawals go. New job, new city, failed marriage, anxiety multiplying the regular detox levels. Once I can sleep longer than 30 mins at a time I am sure I will be OK. My drinking the last two rounds has been of the binge nature so I doubt my body has too far to go to get back to some level of stability. I guess time will tell.

I called the main AA number for the city and spoke with a a nice person who let me talk a bit. He recommended a place to go to tomorrow.

Hopefulone01

Day 5 is going much better. I slept 5 hours straight and woke refreshed. I continue to have "episodes" of anxiety and muscle cramps but drinking LOTS of water and exercise seems to help. Started reading the Big Book for the 1st time today. Lots of good information and ideas on recovery in there. I was actually able to concentrate on my work and got somewhat caught up at the office. So far I am happy for today. I am also excited to be going to an AA meeting tonight. I am ready to start my journey to true recovery and find the peace and happiness I read others are finding.

Anna

That's good news!

I hope you continue to hang out here.

CarolD

Many of us are winning over alcohol..and Yes! you can too.

The program of AA is the Steps..so I suggest you find
either a BB Study or a Step meeting then ask for a sponsor.

Glad you are feeling better..all my best..

topspin

Congrats on day 5. It helped me a lot to keep my thinking to "just for today"
.....or "one day at a time" esp. through those early days. Hope that AA meeting goes well for you tonight.

What kind of exersise are ya up to ?

We have a small group, many of us in early sobriety ; down in the forum on a pretty active fitness thread . It's called "kicking asphalt", since most are runners (all different levels, but we have a few folks who cycle, go to the gym, yoga, etc.
Friendly supportive group.

Stay strong ,

Hopefulone01

Thanks for the words of encouragement. The most difficult thing for me to deal with right now is the likely loss of my wife to another. I know my son will always love me but I know that I can be the man she married again once I get through the 12 steps. I just pray it's not too late.

LexieCat

Whether it is, or it isn't, your life can be happy in sobriety.

Hopefulone01

I made my 1st meeting. It was good to not feel different from everyone else. I got a list of numbers for people to call and a sponsor.
I am beginning to believe that this will be the answer I have been searching for.

Hopefulone01

I am "mall walking" on all my breaks at work and doing calisthenics at home in the evenings.

tallcactus

Hang in there. Each day sober adds up.
Keep going to meeting and stay busy. Build up more soberity time, then try to work on the marriage, but first work on you.
Rooting 4 you.

Zig210

Hopeful...doing great! Keep it up...there is nothing like feeling good, physically and mentally. If you feel th urge, call your sponsor!

Hopefulone01

Day 6 is better again. I called my sponsor today and set up a time to meet and work on the program. He told me to remember how many years it took to get where I am now and think about what kind of conviction and drive it would take to repair that big of a problem. That really made sense and motivates me to keep going to as many meetings as I can. I will admit, however, as honesty was the topic for last nights meeting, that for a fleeting moment my diseased mind started again rationalizing my behavior now that I am starting to feel a little more "normal". I said a quick prayer and was able to remember all the lives I have touched/hurt through the years. Then I focused on the most recent episodes. It was amazing to believe that I had been capable of these things and could still have those kinds of thoughts.