scared
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: San Antonio, TX
Posts: 11
scared
my name is van,and I have a serious problem with alcohol, i started drinking at the age of 12 and truelly am in alot of pain. I got sober 2 times in my life bothe for about 5-6 months in my early 30's. I don't want to do this anymore, I am not who I am supposed to be. I moved to TX, with my wife 2 yrs ago from NY and I have no friends out here, I feel so alone. I feel as though Brandy is my friend and my enemy at the same time. I am tired of having to detox myself every few months and lying to my wife. I know what to do to stay sober but i just don't do It! I need some support and people to understand my battles that i face every day with this. My wife dosen't get it and I feel as though she has no respect for me. Please I am scared , but i gotta get sober.
~ still a believer ~
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 141
first off ~
WELCOME))
It is very scary........been there.
SR is a very solid support team, as is AA if you are open to that.
Funny (not really) how you worded that......"your friend and yet your enemy"
that was so very correct for me too,
Alcohol quit doing for me what I had originally wanted it to do.........and it did turn on me
(with a vengeance) and I "let it" control my life for a good many years.........because I no longer had control OVER it, I was powerless!
you don't have to live with the pain........
WELCOME))
It is very scary........been there.
SR is a very solid support team, as is AA if you are open to that.
Funny (not really) how you worded that......"your friend and yet your enemy"
that was so very correct for me too,
Alcohol quit doing for me what I had originally wanted it to do.........and it did turn on me
(with a vengeance) and I "let it" control my life for a good many years.........because I no longer had control OVER it, I was powerless!
you don't have to live with the pain........
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: des moines ia
Posts: 362
Hey Van, Welcome!! Your at the right place. You've made a great first step! I'd be scared too. Strange place, they don't come much stranger than Texas (kidding! just kidding) OK, you've admitted you have a problem and admitted you want help ; ) Your through the worst! What next?......you have all kinds of options. You'll find many different approches here on the forum. Keep reading here, most important KEEP POSTING. You WILL find help here.
Thanks for posting, Ron
Thanks for posting, Ron
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 581
Welcome, Van.
The problem for me was that I could always stop drinking, I just couldn't stay stopped.
Invariably, I'd start again, thinking that it might be different, or, in the end, knowing it wouldn't be different but doing it anyway.
So it was much more than a drinking problem or a dependency. I had a serious problem in the head.
Doctors don't generally know what to do with alcoholism. They can detox us, clean us up, send us out, but they don't have a cure for the relapse.
The only thing I've done that works is the recovery program of AA.
If you want to know more, feel free to reach out.
The problem for me was that I could always stop drinking, I just couldn't stay stopped.
Invariably, I'd start again, thinking that it might be different, or, in the end, knowing it wouldn't be different but doing it anyway.
So it was much more than a drinking problem or a dependency. I had a serious problem in the head.
Doctors don't generally know what to do with alcoholism. They can detox us, clean us up, send us out, but they don't have a cure for the relapse.
The only thing I've done that works is the recovery program of AA.
If you want to know more, feel free to reach out.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Welcome Van! I know you can do this. I did it after a lifetime of drinking. SR helped me to not feel alone anymore - that made all the difference. As you said, your wife doesn't "get it" and no one in my life did either. They don't understand why we don't just say no. That's why sharing our stories on here is valuable. Please tell us more about yourself, and keep talking to us.
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Welcome Van!
I'm not sure what I was more fearful off...what would happen if I kept drinking or the fact that it was looking like I could never drink again.
...but I do remember the fear and it was intense, almost crippling at times.
I found a way out, it's not the only way, but it's a proven way.
AA saved me life, removed the obssesion to drink, and gave me a design for living without alcohol.
I'm still reaping the benefits as each sober day goes by.
...but guess what? I'm not unique or special in anyway. It can work for you too.
You never have to drink again. We can and do recover and I'm living proof. You can be too.
Nice work here, posting your thoughts. You've already taken a step in the right direction.
Kjell
I'm not sure what I was more fearful off...what would happen if I kept drinking or the fact that it was looking like I could never drink again.
...but I do remember the fear and it was intense, almost crippling at times.
I found a way out, it's not the only way, but it's a proven way.
AA saved me life, removed the obssesion to drink, and gave me a design for living without alcohol.
I'm still reaping the benefits as each sober day goes by.
...but guess what? I'm not unique or special in anyway. It can work for you too.
You never have to drink again. We can and do recover and I'm living proof. You can be too.
Nice work here, posting your thoughts. You've already taken a step in the right direction.
Kjell
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: New York City
Posts: 221
Welcome, Van.
For me, I was much less scared than totally humiliated. Which I feel is just another form of powerlessness. And, if my wife didn't get it yet, she would in short order! I managed to see my problem soon enough that I had a lot more "Yets" ahead.
I've been sober for over 2 months now, and it's really incredible how much beter I feel, both in my skin and my health.
You're doing the right thing. And you don't have to go it alone.
Welcome.
For me, I was much less scared than totally humiliated. Which I feel is just another form of powerlessness. And, if my wife didn't get it yet, she would in short order! I managed to see my problem soon enough that I had a lot more "Yets" ahead.
I've been sober for over 2 months now, and it's really incredible how much beter I feel, both in my skin and my health.
You're doing the right thing. And you don't have to go it alone.
Welcome.
Snarf Snarf
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: ATL
Posts: 835
First of all, Welcome, van! I'm very glad you're here. This is a wonderful site with lots of exceptional people that have tons of experience and support to share with you. I found this site on the day I knew I could no longer have a casual relationship with alcohol. I've been here and alcohol-free ever since. Much more has gone into my recovery, but I'm on SR.com every single day.
Secondly, I'm sorry that you don't have any friends where you live, but I can promise you that you are among friends here. The people on this site care about you (whether you know it or not) and really want you to have the life you know you could. There's so much wisdom on this site, it would be a crime to not take advantage of it.
I know some people from Texas, and they are some of the nicest, helpful, most down-to-Earth people I know. I hope you're able to find some folks to commune with.
Have you thought of looking into support programs? I think AA is wonderful, and it's free, in nearly every nook and cranny in our country, and full of people who know and understand what you are going through. I always thought no one could possibly understand the insanity that enveloped my life; I went to AA and, thankfully, found that I wasn't so special after all.
Hang in there, and thanks so much for joining us. I hope you'll hang around a while.
Secondly, I'm sorry that you don't have any friends where you live, but I can promise you that you are among friends here. The people on this site care about you (whether you know it or not) and really want you to have the life you know you could. There's so much wisdom on this site, it would be a crime to not take advantage of it.
I know some people from Texas, and they are some of the nicest, helpful, most down-to-Earth people I know. I hope you're able to find some folks to commune with.
Have you thought of looking into support programs? I think AA is wonderful, and it's free, in nearly every nook and cranny in our country, and full of people who know and understand what you are going through. I always thought no one could possibly understand the insanity that enveloped my life; I went to AA and, thankfully, found that I wasn't so special after all.
Hang in there, and thanks so much for joining us. I hope you'll hang around a while.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 873
Yeah Van, it is scary. I can relate to that. I'm not an AA guy but the "one day at a time" philosophy really works for me. It helps me avoid the scary by not thinking too much about the long term and focusing on what I can do right now.
Friend/enemy is a good way to look at it though. Would you hang around a friend who treats you like crap, but only 50% of the time?
And this board helps me deal with the loneliness, I hope it can help you too.
Good luck with everything!
Friend/enemy is a good way to look at it though. Would you hang around a friend who treats you like crap, but only 50% of the time?
And this board helps me deal with the loneliness, I hope it can help you too.
Good luck with everything!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: San Antonio, TX
Posts: 11
Thank you all for your support. I have been in AA as well as NA and it helped me soo much in the past. I just don't want to drink anymore, I am about to turn 40 in a few months. I have had alot going on with me since I was clean the last time. I have had two open heart surgeries and a pacemaker as well. I relapsed as I din't know how to cope with what I was going through. i have become an angry man in the last 3yrs and I don't like myself too much these days. I work as a sales man and must maintain a "good " attitude at my job, but when I leave it is a whole diffrent person. I feel as though I live in two diffrent bodies. I keep hiding my bottles hoping my wife doesn't find them and making up stories as too where the money is at times. I would like to make a meeting soon as I know how good it feels to be in the rooms amongst others like myself. It is nice to have this forum to talk to folks.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome, van! Alcoholism is such a lonely disease..... that's probably why it makes such a difference when we reach out for support. I love this forum because when the going gets tough, it's right at my fingertips.
As liquoranddrugs said, taking it a day at a time is the way to go. And putting sobriety (in essence: your life) first is also a must. As scary as it is, just knowing you're not alone makes it a bit easier to begin.
Keep reading and posting - there's lots of hope and info here.
As liquoranddrugs said, taking it a day at a time is the way to go. And putting sobriety (in essence: your life) first is also a must. As scary as it is, just knowing you're not alone makes it a bit easier to begin.
Keep reading and posting - there's lots of hope and info here.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
Welcome Van..You don't like yourself much these days? Boy do I ever understand that. I ended up pounding down so many drinks I grounded myself to the house. Didn't dare go anywhere..too drunk. When I wasn't drunk I was hungover and making plans for when I could drink..I got sick of myself!!! This may work in your favor..I think once you get sick of yourself and really take a look at all the havoc alcohol has caused..you are ready to take whatever steps you need to get sober. Please post often. Sobriety has brought me a sense of peace that I have not known in alot of years. I wish the same for you!
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