Goodbye my friend
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 4
Goodbye my friend
Ugh... giving up alcohol sucks. I wish I could drink like other people, but the truth is I like getting smashed. At about 25 years old I joined AA and gave up booze for 5 years. I'm 32 now and about two years ago I decided to have a beer. That turned into one gigantic beer that lasted two crazy years.
I've been stopped for a DUI, I put my boss in a choke hold and put him out, I crashed my car, and I took benzo's one day and forgot the next three days. I have zero recollection of those days and I worked all of them. Who knows what happened.
I just hate the withdrawal mostly. Alcohol doesn't even benefit me much anymore. I have to drink about 14 drinks to feel much of anything and by that time I'm ready to pass out. I feel sick every morning and I stink like booze.
I've been reading about PAWS and it makes me think twice about quitting. I know I have to stop or something worse will come along, but it still doesnt make my mind any happier.
I also really don't want to go back to AA. I know AA is good and I know I probably will need to go, but the AA in this state sucks. When I got sober I was in another state where things were done very differently.
I'm gonna try and make it work without AA and see how that goes. Hopefully I make it out of this place I put myself. I know this is probably self serving and grandiose but maybe someone will get something out of it. Maybe I'll get something out of it.
JustABeatman
I've been stopped for a DUI, I put my boss in a choke hold and put him out, I crashed my car, and I took benzo's one day and forgot the next three days. I have zero recollection of those days and I worked all of them. Who knows what happened.
I just hate the withdrawal mostly. Alcohol doesn't even benefit me much anymore. I have to drink about 14 drinks to feel much of anything and by that time I'm ready to pass out. I feel sick every morning and I stink like booze.
I've been reading about PAWS and it makes me think twice about quitting. I know I have to stop or something worse will come along, but it still doesnt make my mind any happier.
I also really don't want to go back to AA. I know AA is good and I know I probably will need to go, but the AA in this state sucks. When I got sober I was in another state where things were done very differently.
I'm gonna try and make it work without AA and see how that goes. Hopefully I make it out of this place I put myself. I know this is probably self serving and grandiose but maybe someone will get something out of it. Maybe I'll get something out of it.
JustABeatman
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 581
Yeah, I got something out of it.
I got that you and I, we have the exact same thing.
After 11 years sober, I picked up. It became a three year mess, with repeated relapses, consequences and embarrassments. Withdrawal? I'm with you, dude. Worst. Feeling. Ever.
AA had failed me, far as I was concerned.
And then someone asked me what my AA program was and after I told them that I went to meetings, had commitments, a sponsor, etc., this guy laughed and said, "How can you say AA didn't work for you when you never worked AA?"
Huh? I thought it was all about meetings. Meeting makers make it, right?
No, he said. Some do, but it's got little to do with the meetings. It's about the steps.
Ah, I said. The only step I need to get right is the first one.
Another myth, he said.
Look, I said. I'm just going to concentrate on not picking up the first drink. I can do this.
No you can't, he said.
How do you know? I asked.
Because you are an alcoholic, and you are powerless over the first drink.
That's not true, I said. If I'm sober, I should be able to resist the first drink.
Not true, he said. You have a mental obsession that will always win out.
And as this conversation continued, I began to have a new understanding for my disease. He told me to read from the preface in the Big Book to page 63, and then to call him.
OK, but can we have a cup of coffee? I have some issues I need to discuss.
No, he said.
What? I asked.
We can't have coffee. I don't care about your problems. Read what I told you and call me when you're done.
And thus I began my step work. And five months later, I was recovered, no longer thinking about drinking, and sponsoring two other men.
I'd like to say I did the steps because I was inspired, but the truth is, I was terrified of dying. In a moment of clarity, I understood completely what was at stake.
Do you understand what's at stake? Do you truly know how much trouble you are in?
I got that you and I, we have the exact same thing.
After 11 years sober, I picked up. It became a three year mess, with repeated relapses, consequences and embarrassments. Withdrawal? I'm with you, dude. Worst. Feeling. Ever.
AA had failed me, far as I was concerned.
And then someone asked me what my AA program was and after I told them that I went to meetings, had commitments, a sponsor, etc., this guy laughed and said, "How can you say AA didn't work for you when you never worked AA?"
Huh? I thought it was all about meetings. Meeting makers make it, right?
No, he said. Some do, but it's got little to do with the meetings. It's about the steps.
Ah, I said. The only step I need to get right is the first one.
Another myth, he said.
Look, I said. I'm just going to concentrate on not picking up the first drink. I can do this.
No you can't, he said.
How do you know? I asked.
Because you are an alcoholic, and you are powerless over the first drink.
That's not true, I said. If I'm sober, I should be able to resist the first drink.
Not true, he said. You have a mental obsession that will always win out.
And as this conversation continued, I began to have a new understanding for my disease. He told me to read from the preface in the Big Book to page 63, and then to call him.
OK, but can we have a cup of coffee? I have some issues I need to discuss.
No, he said.
What? I asked.
We can't have coffee. I don't care about your problems. Read what I told you and call me when you're done.
And thus I began my step work. And five months later, I was recovered, no longer thinking about drinking, and sponsoring two other men.
I'd like to say I did the steps because I was inspired, but the truth is, I was terrified of dying. In a moment of clarity, I understood completely what was at stake.
Do you understand what's at stake? Do you truly know how much trouble you are in?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 4
thanks for the welcome. I did get sober using AA and it did work for me for 5 years. I actually did the twelve steps and did try and apply everything to my life. I just stopped going to meetings... I drifted. I also moved and the AA in the area was completely different.
Those are all excuses, but I'm just saying it how it happened.
Those are all excuses, but I'm just saying it how it happened.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi justabeatman
Welcome.
I'm not an AA member, but just on the PAWs thing - not everyone gets it.
I believe I've experienced PAWs - it was nothing like my original withdrawal, nor was it anything like the chaos my life used to be like.
It's a scary prospect - changing our lives.
We can all find a hundred reasons not to do something...but when it gets down to it - can you really afford not to?
Welcome aboard
D
Welcome.
I'm not an AA member, but just on the PAWs thing - not everyone gets it.
I believe I've experienced PAWs - it was nothing like my original withdrawal, nor was it anything like the chaos my life used to be like.
It's a scary prospect - changing our lives.
We can all find a hundred reasons not to do something...but when it gets down to it - can you really afford not to?
Welcome aboard
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Hi jabeat and welcome!
Yup paws sure is scary....almost as scary as missing 3 days of your life, DUIs, etc, etc:-) using paws as an excuse is just an excuse...you can get sober and it will be a lot of fun....for me its like going from black and white soundless film to 3-d surround sound Technicolor
Welcome to SR!
Yup paws sure is scary....almost as scary as missing 3 days of your life, DUIs, etc, etc:-) using paws as an excuse is just an excuse...you can get sober and it will be a lot of fun....for me its like going from black and white soundless film to 3-d surround sound Technicolor
Welcome to SR!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 4
well its been about 24 hours and I feel like hell. I'm nauseous, my stomach is flipping, my skin feels itchy and just not right, and my nerves are shot. I took a long shower and am just trying to hold on for the night.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: The Present
Posts: 425
Hi Justa
Welcome back here.Your post and your withdrawal symptoms made me think that the nausea and itchy skin you may experience for a day or two are probably a reasonable trade-off for dropping a disease that could take a decade or two off your life. One thing that helped me stop drinking without AA was exchanging the word "I hope" with "I will." Once you're in "hope" mode you're giving the power to alcohol. When you're in "will" mode, you're giving the power to you. It makes a world of difference.
Welcome back here.Your post and your withdrawal symptoms made me think that the nausea and itchy skin you may experience for a day or two are probably a reasonable trade-off for dropping a disease that could take a decade or two off your life. One thing that helped me stop drinking without AA was exchanging the word "I hope" with "I will." Once you're in "hope" mode you're giving the power to alcohol. When you're in "will" mode, you're giving the power to you. It makes a world of difference.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Giving up alcohol is hard, but it definitely doesn't suck. DUI, choke hold, blackouts, two years of your life gone in a haze—like Sarah said, some friend you've got there. 
I had the same friend. Good riddance. The thing that's different for me this time is that I finally gave up all hope of ever controlling my drinking, of ever being an occasional drinker. Feels great to finally let go of it, once and for all. Some friend all right. I don't miss it at all.
I had the same friend. Good riddance. The thing that's different for me this time is that I finally gave up all hope of ever controlling my drinking, of ever being an occasional drinker. Feels great to finally let go of it, once and for all. Some friend all right. I don't miss it at all.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 1,066
Hi justa, hope you made it through the night OK.
I'm on day 11, and felt like crap for the first several days...nauseated, shaky, itchy, achy. Got past that, now I feel so much better physically.
I'm on day 11, and felt like crap for the first several days...nauseated, shaky, itchy, achy. Got past that, now I feel so much better physically.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Welcome to our 'no bs' family of recovery. I quit for good over a year ago and can honestly say I've never felt better in my life, and I'm well into middle age. I did have some problems with PAWS, namely memory problems and anxiety. But they weren't as bad as drinking made me feel and they did lessen in intensity. So don't use PAWS as an excuse to keep drinking.
I didn't know how I'd manage without alcohol to keep me numb and unaware, but ya know what? I don't need that 'crutch', I get along just fine, better, in fact, without it. So can you if you just put the bottle down for good and learn to live without it. And remember, there's nothing so bad that alcohol can't make it worse.
Alcohol wasn't my friend at all, it was my worst enemy and I'm much much happier without that nasty 'friend'.
I quit for good over a year ago and can honestly say I've never felt better in my life, and I'm well into middle age. I did have some problems with PAWS, namely memory problems and anxiety. But they weren't as bad as drinking made me feel and they did lessen in intensity. So don't use PAWS as an excuse to keep drinking.I didn't know how I'd manage without alcohol to keep me numb and unaware, but ya know what? I don't need that 'crutch', I get along just fine, better, in fact, without it.
So can you if you just put the bottle down for good and learn to live without it. And remember, there's nothing so bad that alcohol can't make it worse.
Alcohol wasn't my friend at all, it was my worst enemy and I'm much much happier without that nasty 'friend'.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 49
Originally Posted by least 
Welcome to our 'no bs' family of recovery. I quit for good over a year ago and can honestly say I've never felt better in my life, and I'm well into middle age. I did have some problems with PAWS, namely memory problems and anxiety. But they weren't as bad as drinking made me feel and they did lessen in intensity. So don't use PAWS as an excuse to keep drinking.
I didn't know how I'd manage without alcohol to keep me numb and unaware, but ya know what? I don't need that 'crutch', I get along just fine, better, in fact, without it. So can you if you just put the bottle down for good and learn to live without it. And remember, there's nothing so bad that alcohol can't make it worse.
Alcohol wasn't my friend at all, it was my worst enemy and I'm much much happier without that nasty 'friend'.
I quit for good over a year ago and can honestly say I've never felt better in my life, and I'm well into middle age. I did have some problems with PAWS, namely memory problems and anxiety. But they weren't as bad as drinking made me feel and they did lessen in intensity. So don't use PAWS as an excuse to keep drinking.I didn't know how I'd manage without alcohol to keep me numb and unaware, but ya know what? I don't need that 'crutch', I get along just fine, better, in fact, without it.
So can you if you just put the bottle down for good and learn to live without it. And remember, there's nothing so bad that alcohol can't make it worse. Alcohol wasn't my friend at all, it was my worst enemy and I'm much much happier without that nasty 'friend'.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 581
If you find that replacing "I hope" with "I will" does not work for you, you may need to try something different.
By all means, try every method of will-based techniques to stop drinking. If you find they work, you may just be a hard-drinker who needs to stop.
If they don't, you may need something entirely different.
By all means, try every method of will-based techniques to stop drinking. If you find they work, you may just be a hard-drinker who needs to stop.
If they don't, you may need something entirely different.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 609
PAWS can be managed, through lifestyle and stress management, better nutrition and exercise, there are also some medications that can help, though I am not going to mention any specifically. I did suffer from it, in retrospect I wish I had gone to a doctor/specialist sooner.
When I read up on PAWS, I remember thinking to myself OMG is that how long it lasts? But I wasn't affected by it at all times, and the bouts began to diminish in duration and frequency over time. My anxiety, depression and sleep patterns eventually improved loads.
I showed some classic signs of being an alcoholic, though I also had some mental health issues to address. I didn't use AA much, primarily it's been mental health workers who have kept me on track. For a time I also saw a CBT addictions counselor. I don't rule out anything that may help though, I'm willing to give AA another go in the future should I be in the situation that I need it.
When I read up on PAWS, I remember thinking to myself OMG is that how long it lasts? But I wasn't affected by it at all times, and the bouts began to diminish in duration and frequency over time. My anxiety, depression and sleep patterns eventually improved loads.
I showed some classic signs of being an alcoholic, though I also had some mental health issues to address. I didn't use AA much, primarily it's been mental health workers who have kept me on track. For a time I also saw a CBT addictions counselor. I don't rule out anything that may help though, I'm willing to give AA another go in the future should I be in the situation that I need it.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 284
PAWS beats death.
Alcoholism is a fatal disease whose only known treatment is abstinence from alcohol.
I wish all of us here at SR had Broccolism - in which we had a fatal addiction to broccoli and had to abstain from broccoli for the rest of our lives, but we don't. We have the other -ism. Alcoholism.
Alcoholism is a fatal disease whose only known treatment is abstinence from alcohol.
I wish all of us here at SR had Broccolism - in which we had a fatal addiction to broccoli and had to abstain from broccoli for the rest of our lives, but we don't. We have the other -ism. Alcoholism.
Journey of Recovery
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Posts: 621
Originally Posted by justabeatman
I also moved and the AA in the area was completely different.
The thing is, AA did not change. I did. I've learned that acceptance is the answer.
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