wilks22

Two lost jobs, countless dollars, self-esteem gone, and no light at the end of the tunnel. I'm actually thinking of getting just a little to drink after I walk my son to school, just to take the edge off. Is that crazy or what?!?! If it weren't for my son, I'd leave this world today. I'm very depressed here people, and hope is fading very fast. I've done AA, programs......Lost.

nandm

Welcome back to SR.

Glad you are here.

Yes, it is discouraging to fight with alcohol. Alcoholism can be such a devastating disease. Please keep fighting though as not only does your son need you but you deserve more from life even if you don't feel you do right now.

Personally AA worked for me but I do know that it is not the program for everyone. There are many programs out there SMART is one. Here is the link that shows some of the many programs out there: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I do hope you find what you are seeking. I know that SR has provided me with hope when I needed it, strength when I had none, and courage to continue to fight the disease of alcoholism when I had none left. Do keep trying you can beat this thing.

Anna

Hi,

I hope you continue to work on your sobriety.

I wonder if you have talked to your dr about your depression? For me, the depression came long before the drinking, so I had to deal with that before I could get sober. It could also be that the alcohol is causing your depression or making it worse. Your mental health could improve quite a bit when you stop drinking.

CarolD

I'm wondering if you did Step work when you went to AA?
because when I started mine...I shifted from often shakey
sobriety into solid recovery....

depression is why I wanted to quit.

Please read the link nandm provided ..AA is not the only way
to win over alcoholism.

Wishing you and your son all the best...
Welcome back to SR

least

I too had severe depression long before I started drinking. The drinking only made the depression worse and my antidepressants couldn't work as they should. After being sober about six months I noticed my depression wasn't near as bad, not crippling as it had been. If you're having suicidal thoughts please see your doctor, a counselor, or someone.

bdiddy5522

I am sorry for what you are going through. I just got a call from my parents that my brother just tried to kill himself last night by combining alcohol and prescription drugs. We thought he was doing well. He didn't go the AA route, he was doing counseling. I don't know what to tell you, but know that what you do affects those around you in ways you can't even imagine. I am praying for you that you make the right decision. Because I now know how it feels for your family if you make the wrong choice.

HumbleBee

My experience has always been that when I was down to nothing, God was up to something.

(whoever, or whatever, your God is believed to be).

Try to find a positive way to release the emotional turmoil...jogging it off, perhaps.

A drink to take the edge off will only add to the list of despair you already have.

If not for you, then for your son...he needs you.

My brother died of an overdose for the same reasons (in addition to a divorce, no custody and many other losses along the way while in his addiction).

I don't think any of us, especially my mother, ever fully recovered from that.

jamdls

Hi Wilks, I too suffered from depression for most of my life, it wasn't until I stopped drinking and gained back my self respect that I realized that alcohol had been worsening the depression all those years. I was on anti-depressants for 10 years and they didn't seem to do any good but within a year or so of quitting drinking I no longer needed anti-depressants. It's never too late to reach sobriety and gain back your self. Try AA again or another program, just because it didn't work before doesn't mean it won't work now, as the saying goes "it works if you work it", don't give up.

Kjell

Hi wilks-

It sounds to me you're suffering from untreated alcoholism. You mention AA, so I'll ask. Did you complete the steps with a sponsor? I'm on step 12 and the obession to drink has been removed, but I'm not special as it can work for you too.

We can and do recover. YOU can be living proof of that.

They say in AA that we can move mountains, but we better bring our shovel. I believe this is true in all recovery methods. It takes hard, constant, forever work on our part.

You simply must work a program of action.

Let us know how we can help.

Kjell

wilks22

I've never started the steps, and I think you know why.... Afraid of the truth. I TRULY appreciate all the responses. I think I'm one of the 'People who are incapable' of change.

ReadyAndAble

That's BS, Wilks. You can do it.

Spend some time on this site, you'll see plenty of people who are less open to change than you are. I know, because I used to be one of them, rationalizing and negotiating with my addiction every single day. Heck, took me years to even admit to myself I had a problem (including the first six years of my daughter's life). So you're already ahead of where I was.

I repeat, you can do it.

Dee74

Hi Wilks

I told myself I was incapable of change too and there was no light at the end of the tunnel for me either.

It's self-perpetuating alcoholic perception. There is always hope. I drank all day everyday for seven years - I'm now nearly 4 years sober. It wasn't easy, but then neither was the life I was living.

There is always light at the end of the tunnel - but you need to walk towards it

I hope you decide to do something about your situation and get some help, whatever it is

D