delusional
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: manchester
Posts: 1
delusional
Am i an alcoholic,who knows,too me its a label,and given the way society percieves the afore-mentioned not a healthy one.I do know however,that,i have a grave problem with alcohol(no pun intended)I started drinking when i was 13,and,it greatly enhanched my low self esteem(age 40 still low),it allowed me to speak to my peers,allowed me to speak to anyone,but did it bring me happiness,never.I suspect,it hampered my growth as a young man,stunted my sense of myself.
Anyhow,i abused alcohol for 20 years,never questioning why,but yet,always a voice has lambasted me, thee thou art a fool.I did stop for 5 years.I went travelling,hah,an attempt to escape myself,and i ended up in Vietnam,met a young girl,and we married.We moved back to my country and were blessed by a beautiful girl(the moment she was born is stopprd drinking)we lived reasonably happily but my wife missed home and i should have been happy but was,nt and thus,agreed to move back to vietnam.I sold my house,gave up my job everything,but,i gave up my soul,my sobriety.Why?****,i wished i knew,because the decision to start drinking again,caused me to have an affair,which,resulted in a divorce,which ruined the marriage,i ended up,with no money,sleeping on the streets,and after a month of this was arresxted,put in jail,and sent back to my country,
]
****.does anyone know how that feels?Moving to another country with your family,and,6 mths later,being deported,losing all that you cherise?Well mugins here does.I spent 2 mths detoxing,and then,onto a homeless hostel.I did remain of alcohol as i can stop(AM I AN ALCOLIC,)and earned enough money to return to Vietnam to visit my daughter,where,i am as i type,but guess what,dick head,has started drinking again,why??I dont know,lonliness,boredom,sadness,anger,andthe pattern goes on and on,and the sad thing is that i knowits not just me im hurting but my wee angel,my wee girl,daughter.It is a curse alcohol,i can stop,but yet i keep deluding myself that its ok to start again….i want to find the real ME,so i can stop this,not for myself.but for leah,my daugher,the innocent.
Anyhow,i abused alcohol for 20 years,never questioning why,but yet,always a voice has lambasted me, thee thou art a fool.I did stop for 5 years.I went travelling,hah,an attempt to escape myself,and i ended up in Vietnam,met a young girl,and we married.We moved back to my country and were blessed by a beautiful girl(the moment she was born is stopprd drinking)we lived reasonably happily but my wife missed home and i should have been happy but was,nt and thus,agreed to move back to vietnam.I sold my house,gave up my job everything,but,i gave up my soul,my sobriety.Why?****,i wished i knew,because the decision to start drinking again,caused me to have an affair,which,resulted in a divorce,which ruined the marriage,i ended up,with no money,sleeping on the streets,and after a month of this was arresxted,put in jail,and sent back to my country,
]
****.does anyone know how that feels?Moving to another country with your family,and,6 mths later,being deported,losing all that you cherise?Well mugins here does.I spent 2 mths detoxing,and then,onto a homeless hostel.I did remain of alcohol as i can stop(AM I AN ALCOLIC,)and earned enough money to return to Vietnam to visit my daughter,where,i am as i type,but guess what,dick head,has started drinking again,why??I dont know,lonliness,boredom,sadness,anger,andthe pattern goes on and on,and the sad thing is that i knowits not just me im hurting but my wee angel,my wee girl,daughter.It is a curse alcohol,i can stop,but yet i keep deluding myself that its ok to start again….i want to find the real ME,so i can stop this,not for myself.but for leah,my daugher,the innocent.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome....
No my drinking history is not the same as yours
but my way out of alcoholism can work for you too.
Millions of us all over the world have committed ourselves
to the program of Alcoholic Anonymous..and with action
are now happily successfullly recoverd.
Wishing you and Leah all the best
No my drinking history is not the same as yours
but my way out of alcoholism can work for you too.
Millions of us all over the world have committed ourselves
to the program of Alcoholic Anonymous..and with action
are now happily successfullly recoverd.
Wishing you and Leah all the best
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
We're all delusional at some point in our active alcoholism.
Heck, I know a few folks in recovery that are pretty delusional too
AA saved my life, gave me a design for living w/ out alcohol I needed, and most importantly removed the obession of drinking.
...but I'm not special. It can work for you too.
We can and do recover. YOU can be living proof of that.
Kjell
Heck, I know a few folks in recovery that are pretty delusional too
AA saved my life, gave me a design for living w/ out alcohol I needed, and most importantly removed the obession of drinking.
...but I'm not special. It can work for you too.
We can and do recover. YOU can be living proof of that.
Kjell
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,962
Welcome to SoberRecovery
I too was lost in active addiction. Its a hard spot to be in yet there is a way out. For me a comprehensive addiction treatment plan with supportive others helped me turn my life around.
I hope you stick around here and benefit from the support and hope offered by our members.
I too was lost in active addiction. Its a hard spot to be in yet there is a way out. For me a comprehensive addiction treatment plan with supportive others helped me turn my life around.
I hope you stick around here and benefit from the support and hope offered by our members.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Welcome to SR!
Is there any sort of support program in Vietnam you can get to? F2f support can be valuable.
I think its important to find a way to stop for you...not for your daughter...I know you love her but I don't think stopping for another person works. Especially if you have low self esteem.
LaFemme
Is there any sort of support program in Vietnam you can get to? F2f support can be valuable.
I think its important to find a way to stop for you...not for your daughter...I know you love her but I don't think stopping for another person works. Especially if you have low self esteem.
LaFemme
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Hi -- and glad you're here!
As far as whether you're an alcoholic, that's something only you can decide. But does it matter? It is just a word or a label, as you noted. But from what you said, you know your life would be much better without alcohol. I tried for years to moderate amounts and frequency, stop for a period of time, try again to moderate... all of that failed. Seems the key for me was to accept and embrace not drinking again. Ever.
That sounded impossible to me, it was such a huge part of my life. Well, it hasn't been easy, but it can be done. SR has been a huge help to me—hope you stick around too!
As far as whether you're an alcoholic, that's something only you can decide. But does it matter? It is just a word or a label, as you noted. But from what you said, you know your life would be much better without alcohol. I tried for years to moderate amounts and frequency, stop for a period of time, try again to moderate... all of that failed. Seems the key for me was to accept and embrace not drinking again. Ever.
That sounded impossible to me, it was such a huge part of my life. Well, it hasn't been easy, but it can be done. SR has been a huge help to me—hope you stick around too!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Hi and welcome
Whether or not you want to use the A word, it seems to me you've lost a lot man - the important question we all have to ask ourselves at some point is how much more do you want to lose?
You'll find a lot of support here totlanh - I also encourage you to look for real life support as well.
This is a tough fight - don't go into to it one-handed. Give it all you've got
D
Whether or not you want to use the A word, it seems to me you've lost a lot man - the important question we all have to ask ourselves at some point is how much more do you want to lose?
You'll find a lot of support here totlanh - I also encourage you to look for real life support as well.
This is a tough fight - don't go into to it one-handed. Give it all you've got
D
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