mmh364

Today is day 12. All has been going pretty well so far. Went to see my out of town bf yesterday. Purposely have not seen him since the new year cuz he's not always the most positive person and I just wanted to concentrate on my recovery. Anyway.. It was as I expected but I wasn't upset. I just left this a.m. because I wanted to be away from him and home with my adult daughters who keep cheering me on. My 11 year old son asks me everyday if I've drank. When I say 'no' he says 'good job, mom'. Can't believe I let him see me wasted so many times. Embarrassing... HE would tell me I wasn't a very good role model. That was the point that I knew I had to change. Anyway....Went to the gym when I got back in town. Since I got home this afternoon I keep daydreaming about the 'warm' feeling a nice glass of cabernet would give me. I feel a pit in my stomach .... anyone else relate?

ANGELINA243

Please don't entertain or dwell on those thoughts for too long. "This too shall pass..." as in those drinking thoughts. Congrats on 12 days! We do recover.

julez

Definitely relate. Just don't.

jamdls

Sure been there, but just keep replasing those 'urge to drink thoughts' with thoughts of being a good role model for your son and being proud of yourself for taking good care of you.

Lushwell

While I agree that "this too, shall pass", I like to see the thought guided out of the room.

We are ill equipped to address alcoholism alone. It is deadly and relentless. Intentions won't arrest it. Nor will willpower. We need a support network and a tried and true plan of action. The illness has a plan. To get you back. Outflank it by out staffing it. You alone is not as formidable as a group. Get one. The thoughts must be confronted, or allowed to influence us. We need help and a plan for that. Don't focus on the illness. Focus on the plan.

reggiewayne

I can absolutely relate. Don't listen to that crap (your disease). Remember, mmh364 does not want a drink, mmh364's disease wants a drink. You've obviously shown a desire to stop drinking. You've listed regret about drinking in front of your children and have said you don't want to do that again. That "warm feeling" is a lie. It's just a big, fat, nasty lie. Early on the cravings can be bad. There were times when I thought it was too much for me. I got through it though and so can you. I have implemented a plan of action to attack cravings.

1. Go to this site and participate - get your feelings out there.
2. Go to an AA meeting and share what I am feeling.
3. Call my sponsor or other's in the program and share my feelings.
4. Read the big book or other recovery books.
5. Take a walk.
6. Clean the house - anything - dust, run vaccume, clean out the closets, do the laundry - anything to keep you productive and keep your mind off of the drink.
7. Pray to my higher power and simply ask for help.
8. If all else fails, take a nap!!! Just stop, and lay down....

I literally try and do everyone of these things daily. When you add to it a job, a marriage, and children I don't really have time for much else... I have had 12 days before and felt exactly what you are going through and have caved many times. I have thrown it all away to get that "warm feeling" to and each and every time I was disappointed.

You can do this. Just take it one moment at a time. Best of luck to you!!!!

Antiderivative

I can relate to your minimization of your drinking problem. If you are posting here, then chances are that do not have just a glass of cabernet. You don't stop at one, but have many until you are wasted.I have rationalized and minimized my drinking plenty of times. I would tell myself that I would only have a "couple", but a couple turned into 18+ drinks.

These moments pass. Distract yourself by keeping busy, doing something productive, go to a meeting if you do AA, treat yourself to something nice, do something nice for someone else, take a relaxing shower, drink some tea, meditate, exercise, etc.

undercoverangel

I can totally relate, I'm also on day 12. It's hard. I know it would be so easy to have those few drinks (that always leads to many more...) and get that wonderful buzz again but I just cannot take another dreadful, shameful, morning of hating myself. ;O( THAT S*cks so bad. I hated mornings. You know if you go ahead and drink, you will wake up regretting it in the morning, and right back to day one, after all your progress. It's just not worth it for that very temporary, superficial, feeling of well-being, that's all it is. I so need something more permanent to feel good and happy, and I truly beleive I will get there if I just stay on this path. I'm sure it gets easier with time, it has to. ;O) I also can relate to the shame of your kids knowing. I was once scolded by my 13 year old for being drunk, not my proudest moment. Stay strong, and congrats on 12 days!

mmh364

Thank you all for your responses. It really does help. And regarding the 'minimazation' of one glass. You definitely know me. It easily would've been a 2 bottle night. I will make it thru this day cuz I can't stand the thought of waking tomorrow with a hangover. I would let everyone down... Gonna take a warm shower and greet my little guy when he gets off the bus. Again, thanks.

ISPYSOBRIETY

Sounds like you're doing terrific. I understand where you are coming from, but there's another side of the spectrum that holds larger truths about drinking alcohol. Allowing yourself visualize the very real, negative experiences may serve you better in parting ways than to allow the one or two enjoyable aspects.

I choose to remember waking up feeling sick, feeling my head throbbing and feeling foggy all morning. Feeling tired, having puffy eyes, looking and feeling like something the cat dragged in.

I choose to remember those times I had really BAD wine, really awful tasting rum, skunky beer with dirt on the top of the can, had warm drinks that tased awful, breaking my big toe by stumping it, under the influence.

But my biggest memory is the night I ran off the road with my kids teens in my car. It's almost five months ago and my mind has blocked everything from the time the car went off the road, rolling, to the point where I made it out of the car and saw my kids were fine, thank God.

Just last night out of the blue, a memory came back to me, Me yelling our "Oh God, Kids I love you, I'm sorry..." as my car was running off the road.

I haven't asked them about it. I'm too ashamed of my actions. We don't talk about it. It makes them sad and it brakes me down.

I curse my memories of alcohol. I'm cured though. My flashback brought me to instant tears. We were blessed that night. I'm cured.

Anna

Good for you for getting through this tough moment and for 12 days of sobriety!

ReadyAndAble

I can totally relate. Maybe to counter the warm vision of that first glass, you imagine the look on your son's face when he sees you several drinks later....

The reality is I doubt you would enjoy that drink. I know I wouldn't, because I'd be so disappointed in myself. I'd feel bad—and then reach for another glass to drown my disappointment.

Ladyfierce

I can relate. I ended up choosing to have the "one" drink on Sat., which was day 12 for me. It turned into many drinks over the course of 4 days and now I have to begin again with Day One. I very much regret it.

recycle

You don't have to believe everything you think.

MsCooterBrown

"You don't have to believe everything you think. "

Recycle speaks the truth!!! Once you get thru the 1st couple of weeks alcoholism turns into a big mind game. You have to seperate the addictive nudges you feel from what you really want...Know it for what it is and kill it. That whim will go away..you just have to distract yourself when it hits. Hang in there..

NewMe11109

Sometimes we - by ourselves - have no defense against the first drink ... and that is where a program of recovery comes in. Have you tried AA or SMART or other program?

din

That, unfortunately (or fortunately...depending on how it looks to you at the moment) Is just the PLAIN TRUTH.

You Dont have to go it alone

Kmber2010

Glad you posted and reached out. Lots of good info in this thread.

One was never enough for me when I drank. I found coming here and sharing, reading and using my support to see me through the early days while I began making change in my life was tremendous. What was a sure failure in my experience was just thinking I could fix me just by going solo with willpower. I had to have folks who understood and I had to reach out.

Keep it going!