jude70

I have been looking for a place like this and can’t believe that so many other people are experiencing the same things that I am. I have been drinking every day for the last 20 years with last summer being the exception when I stopped for about 3 months. I felt so good mentally and physically but then in October a lot of stress came into my life and that was the key that opened the door again. I have been drinking a half pint of vodka and about two bottles of wine a day. The last week I have been feeling so depressed and scared from this but around 3 o’clock I am at it again. I wake up in the morning get on my knees and pray to God to give me the strength I need to not drink this day. Hasn’t worked yet. The thing that really bothers me is my family doesn’t say anything to me and I don’t know if they can’t tell I am drunk or they just are afraid to say something to me and no one at work says anything to me even though I know I look deathly hung-over. I have always wondered why no one says anything. But then again my wife and kids only see me drink about two glasses of wine. Well, I am so sick of this and how I feel that I am going to do my best to stay sober today and just work on it every day because I know if I don’t I will end up killing myself from it.

Freyakitty

Welcome to SR! I'm new myself and am on Day 8 on my sobriety path. I'm sure you are going to last the day - just remember, One day at a time and ignore the rationalizing in your head if you start craving - it's never going to be a good idea to have a drink!

jude70

Thanks! The rationalizing is the crazy part. Somehow something in your head tells you one more will be ok. I will remember what you said on my way home today! Congrats on day 8!

Freyakitty

Keep reading the posts. I thought I was the only one who came home after a day's (half hearted) work and bought a bottle of wine (just to have one!). And then the next day I'd say "I'm never drinking again" and could possible last a day without drinking but then when I felt better, I'd go out a buy another bottle or meet up with friends. It became a mental game of I'd rather stay home and drink then meet up with my non-drinking friends or, who can I call to come out to have a couple/few glasses of wine with me? I could hide it because I have unrelated friends so that if I went out with one friend one evening, it could be a week before going out again but I'd have been out every night with a different friend since! That's not having a relationship (except with my wine)!

Enjoy your evening with your family!

Freyakitty

PS - I do feel like I've broken up a relationship. I think on some level, living alone, that glass of wine was my friend, confidant, partner in crime (although happily have not actually committed crime).

I blame movies like Bridget Jones which glorifies getting drunk as the start of my descent.

keithurbanfan

Welcome Jude!
I'm on day 4 and my head is starting to feel so much clearer. I, too, have been praying to God for months to help me stop drinking. I feel like the day I found this site (last Friday, accidentally) was the day He answered my prayers. I hope it will help you as much as it is helping me.

jude70

Thank you two for your fast posts. I had no idea that some many people are going through the same things that I am. Thanks for sharing with me.

Dearyme

Just wanted to say hi - am nearing the end of my first day of sobriety for a while, I am feeling like death due to my latest binging but getting hope from this wonderful site and all the lovely helpful people in here. That crazy voice hasnt called out to me today but I know it will be back - I need to take action and change things to stop it winning over ever again. I have been averaging at 1.5 to two bottles of wine a day, yesterday I opened a bottle of vodka purely to try and take the awful hangover away - I finished the whole bottle and feel twice as bad now. What is wrong with my brain????

Oh yes - its an alcoholic brain. I need to remember that!

Good luck and heres to another day without a drink.

D x

Freyakitty

Good Luck Dearyme - you can do it!!!

ReadyAndAble

Welcome, Jude, you are in the right place! I know I found that the more time I spent reading other people's posts, the more I realized I was not alone -- and the easier it became to resist the cravings. Also, I found it really inspirational to read the early posts of folks on SRE who now have a year or more sober. You'll see they arrived here ashamed, confused, scared, and almost hopeless—and yet now they have happy, healthy sober lives. It can be done—and by you!

ReadyAndAble

That goes for you too, Dearyme! Stay strong!

Dee74

Welcome to SR Jude

I did my fair share of praying too - but I realise now I wasn't doing much else on my side of the fence...coming to SR and finding the support here helped me work out a plan and stick to a commitment.

Hope we can help you too

D

Dee74

Welcome to you too DearyMe

D

SSIL75

Welcome! You'll find lots of support here.

In the beginning I just had to cling to blind hope. If you had a period of sobriety relatively recently then you'll remember how enjoyable it is (I hope, anyway. I admit I've had periods of sobriety that I did not enjoy! Not this time, though).

Hang in there and keep reading/posting.

jude70

Dearyme, I drank yesterday to try and get the bad feeling of the day before away. I ended up getting drunker than the day before and made an ass of myself in front of my wife and kids. Yelled at my oldest son with some stupid drunken father logic and honestly don't remember what triggered it. I felt so guilty today I couldn't even look them in the eyes at breakfast.

bellakeller

Your friends and family might not know how to approach the situation. It's rare for the person who is not struggling with alcohol to wrap their head around this disease, much less figure out how to help the person who is using.

Also, we alkies are highly skilled at hiding our drinking so that our drinking "life" doesn't get threatened, so maybe people around you are less aware about your problem than you think they should be. I am always surprised when I recall what I was able to get away with.

Best of luck to you on your journey!

understated

Hi Jude! I'm on day 6 and feeling okay but I found this site yesterday and it's kept me encouraged being home alone with nothing today to not go out and buy alcohol. Today tested me but I survived.

Good Luck and Welcome!

Dearyme

Sounds like we are in a very similar boat Jude - ive been told about things ive shouted at the kids about that dont make sense when ive been off my head - I find it hard to believe I could be like that. I am very scared of this addiction now - been reading some posts on AVRT which have interested me - I will do ANYTHING to not be back there again.

Good luck.

least

Welcome to the family! I gave up drinking a year ago and it's been the best year of my life. I am a responsible person again and no longer run the risk of health or legal problems that come with drinking.

I had a lot of help in staying sober from my terrific addiction counselor and this wonderful site. May you find as much support here as I have.

jude70

I have also become very scared of it and just can't imagine how I am able to justify another drink the next day after drinking so much. I am glad I am not the only one that has yelled at the kids and couldn't really figure out why the next day. I just apologized to my son for last night hope that is the last time I have to do that from being drunk. I think we can both do this because we are now at a point that we really see the need to stop. I actually made it home tonight without stopping to pickup anything. I am now drinking a coke with crushed ice and it seems to be doing the trick!