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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: La Grange, IL
Posts: 30
New to the site
Hi all,
I am new to the site and wanted to reach out. I cannot yet consider myself sober in any real sense of the word, as I managed to get completely drunk last night. I am like many...never gotten a DUI (total luck), never gotten in trouble due to alcohol, etc. What I have been struggling with for some time is the reality that alcohol has a much greater hold on my life than it should. I am the mom who heads to the porch for a glass (or many) of wine after the kids go to bed. That would seem harmless if I wasn't pairing the drinking with smoking cigarettes (I only allow myself to smoke when I drink, so I often wonder which addiction is feeding which), drinking until the wee hours of the morning (often alone), drinking to the point of being in no shape to handle an emergency with my kids if one were to arise, waking up many mornings with no energy for my children and blowing days with them as a result, feeling an immense sense of guilt, shame and failure, and losing a hold on the things that I love to do (reading, creating, jewelry design, exercise, etc.) because I am spending hours a night numbing myself. I have known for a long time that my drinking is a problem. My worst moment was when I passed out with a pot on the stove. All was fine, but it was this amazing wake-up moment for me, solidifying all of my concerns and leaving me with a certainty that I would not drink again....yeah, right. I always find a way to justify drinking again once the glamour of the "sobriety dream" wears off. "I'll go in after 1 drink", "I'll only drink on weekends", "I'll only drink socially"....and on and on. The truth is, I am tired of feeling bad physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. But while the concept of an alcohol-free life entices me on many levels, I struggle with the idea of never drinking again, especially in social settings. As ridiculous as this sounds to my intellectual side, the less well thought out side of me wants to be like everyone else, cheering with glasses of wine and feeling "normal" among friends and family. So, needless to say, any words of advice or support would be greatly appreciated! Thanks all!
I am new to the site and wanted to reach out. I cannot yet consider myself sober in any real sense of the word, as I managed to get completely drunk last night. I am like many...never gotten a DUI (total luck), never gotten in trouble due to alcohol, etc. What I have been struggling with for some time is the reality that alcohol has a much greater hold on my life than it should. I am the mom who heads to the porch for a glass (or many) of wine after the kids go to bed. That would seem harmless if I wasn't pairing the drinking with smoking cigarettes (I only allow myself to smoke when I drink, so I often wonder which addiction is feeding which), drinking until the wee hours of the morning (often alone), drinking to the point of being in no shape to handle an emergency with my kids if one were to arise, waking up many mornings with no energy for my children and blowing days with them as a result, feeling an immense sense of guilt, shame and failure, and losing a hold on the things that I love to do (reading, creating, jewelry design, exercise, etc.) because I am spending hours a night numbing myself. I have known for a long time that my drinking is a problem. My worst moment was when I passed out with a pot on the stove. All was fine, but it was this amazing wake-up moment for me, solidifying all of my concerns and leaving me with a certainty that I would not drink again....yeah, right. I always find a way to justify drinking again once the glamour of the "sobriety dream" wears off. "I'll go in after 1 drink", "I'll only drink on weekends", "I'll only drink socially"....and on and on. The truth is, I am tired of feeling bad physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. But while the concept of an alcohol-free life entices me on many levels, I struggle with the idea of never drinking again, especially in social settings. As ridiculous as this sounds to my intellectual side, the less well thought out side of me wants to be like everyone else, cheering with glasses of wine and feeling "normal" among friends and family. So, needless to say, any words of advice or support would be greatly appreciated! Thanks all!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome stephanie! I think you copied my first post! I can relate to all of it: the wine on the porch (cigarette in hand), the hold alcohol held on me, the mornings that I could barely make myself get through......
You're in the right place, and I congratulate you for getting up the courage to reach out. I tried quitting myself (we all have) without much success.
Keep reading and posting. There's so much wisdom and support here and I hope you find it as helpful as I have - it's been my lifeline. You really can get your life back. Don't think in terms of forever though, just take it one day at a time. Glad you're here!:day6
You're in the right place, and I congratulate you for getting up the courage to reach out. I tried quitting myself (we all have) without much success.
Keep reading and posting. There's so much wisdom and support here and I hope you find it as helpful as I have - it's been my lifeline. You really can get your life back. Don't think in terms of forever though, just take it one day at a time. Glad you're here!:day6
Dismember
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: The Mitten, USA
Posts: 1,641
Hello Stephanie! Welcome!
Maybe give social drinking, and social drinking only, a shot and see how it goes?
If you find that giving up drinking at home, but not giving up alcohol entirely, is livable and positive, then maybe you have your answer. If you try but find that you're in constant anxiety with urges to drink, or you catch yourself "cheating" then I think chances are you have a problem only total sobriety is going to fix.
Whatever you do, we're here always. Best of luck.
Maybe give social drinking, and social drinking only, a shot and see how it goes?
If you find that giving up drinking at home, but not giving up alcohol entirely, is livable and positive, then maybe you have your answer. If you try but find that you're in constant anxiety with urges to drink, or you catch yourself "cheating" then I think chances are you have a problem only total sobriety is going to fix.
Whatever you do, we're here always. Best of luck.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Oregon
Posts: 265
Welcome! So glad you are here! Your story is similar to mine, except I finally got that dui on December 2nd. I had confessed my drinking problem to those closest to me and said I needed help. Went to AA and Celebrate recovery sporadically these last few months. Got as far as requesting new patient forms from a doctors office, but did not follow up when they were not sent. Felt I had made progress when I had confined my drinking to evenings with a few sober days sprinkled in between. Stopped actively seeking sobriety, was too "busy" to attend meetings. We are very low income with no insurance so we couldn't "afford" treatment. Well, December 2nd, I found out my step-dad who had sexually abused me only had less than a month to live. I decided to drink to numb my feelings. After the kids got home from school, I felt a sudden urgency to see him and finally confront him for closure before he died. Left the kids home. Half way there, I jumped a curb, mowed down 2 trees and munched up the right corner of my mini van. Got arrested, I have court in 2 days. Now at the very least, I will have to afford treatment, afford a couple thousand in court fines, lose my license for a year (live 10 miles from nearest grocery store) explain to my kids why I can't pick them up from school if they are sick, take them to their friend's house etc. Then after the suspension is over I have the pleasure of a mandatory breathalyzer on my van for one year. That will be fun to explain to the kids, their friends and the parents of their friends. Like you, I knew I had a problem, I half-heartedly asked for help, at my lowest moments I cried out to God for help. I got my answer. How I wish I would have more actively pursued recovery, before this forced reality occurred. I am just thankful it wasn't worse. I am glad I am being forced to recover, I hope I get to the point that I "want" sobriety more than alcohol. Keep posting, I look forward to hearing from you again 
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Orlando, Florida
Posts: 214
Welcome Steph.
What worked for me was when I took the suggestion seriously from some to attend some AA meetings and making a commitment to go at as many as I could for a for months. Being the extremely literal person I was, I took the 90 meetings in 90 days to heart and kept my word to it. Attended both open and closed meetings. Listened to what others had to say and made up my own mind. Got myself one of those 'temp sponsors' early they talked about. Just to have at least one person I could keep in touch with daily, no matter what was going on. Seemed enough to get a foothold in this program.
That was in 1987, when I came back to this program. Has worked since. And, yes, there is life after sobriety if you have what it takes to get past those awkward initial days of being sober. It's up to you to take the action at first. Recovery starts with 'me'. My best to you on whatever path you choose.
What worked for me was when I took the suggestion seriously from some to attend some AA meetings and making a commitment to go at as many as I could for a for months. Being the extremely literal person I was, I took the 90 meetings in 90 days to heart and kept my word to it. Attended both open and closed meetings. Listened to what others had to say and made up my own mind. Got myself one of those 'temp sponsors' early they talked about. Just to have at least one person I could keep in touch with daily, no matter what was going on. Seemed enough to get a foothold in this program.
That was in 1987, when I came back to this program. Has worked since. And, yes, there is life after sobriety if you have what it takes to get past those awkward initial days of being sober. It's up to you to take the action at first. Recovery starts with 'me'. My best to you on whatever path you choose.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 384
Hi Stephanie - I don't have children, but can totally relate to the rest of your post.
I am sober only 25 days now, but never thought I would even have that, as I have been either drunk or hungover for about 28 years. I too loved to drink alone as well as socially.
I drank my last bottle of wine on Dec 3rd and the next morning, in the shower I said out loud "stop the insanity".
I have gotten 25 days through the support on SR only, but know of many here who use other tools as well such as AA.
Good luck to you and stick around, read and post often
I am sober only 25 days now, but never thought I would even have that, as I have been either drunk or hungover for about 28 years. I too loved to drink alone as well as socially.
I drank my last bottle of wine on Dec 3rd and the next morning, in the shower I said out loud "stop the insanity".
I have gotten 25 days through the support on SR only, but know of many here who use other tools as well such as AA.
Good luck to you and stick around, read and post often
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Welcome Stephanie
I think you copied my first post too
I identify with a lot of what you said - I don't have children but I often got myself in dangerous situations - pots burning, cigarettes alight on the carpet, falling over and other assorted drinking related injuries - and I realise now I was in no shape to help myself if a crisis had happened.
I also wanted - desperately - to be a social drinker too. I tried for 20 solid years. If it was at all possible I think I would have managed it some time in that period, but I never managed anything beyond the odd one off night.
I came here to SR after nearly killing myself with drink - even then I was not thinking forever. Maybe try thinking of 'today' like I did - it's a lot more immediate and approachable a concept.
'I will not drink today' - repeat tomorrow.
D
I think you copied my first post too
I identify with a lot of what you said - I don't have children but I often got myself in dangerous situations - pots burning, cigarettes alight on the carpet, falling over and other assorted drinking related injuries - and I realise now I was in no shape to help myself if a crisis had happened.
I also wanted - desperately - to be a social drinker too. I tried for 20 solid years. If it was at all possible I think I would have managed it some time in that period, but I never managed anything beyond the odd one off night.
I came here to SR after nearly killing myself with drink - even then I was not thinking forever. Maybe try thinking of 'today' like I did - it's a lot more immediate and approachable a concept.
'I will not drink today' - repeat tomorrow.
D
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
Welcome Stephanie
I also had no idea how to stop drinking or using other drugs, I only stopped when I was unconsious.
I could not stop on my own after 23 years of using I asked for help and took the help given, was able to stop and look at who I am and leanr about living sober.
yep, one day at a time as Dee said.
Kevin
I also had no idea how to stop drinking or using other drugs, I only stopped when I was unconsious.
I could not stop on my own after 23 years of using I asked for help and took the help given, was able to stop and look at who I am and leanr about living sober.
yep, one day at a time as Dee said.
Kevin
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: La Grange, IL
Posts: 30
Thanks to you and all for your kind words of encouragement. I am looking forward to tomorrow, when I will not feel lethargic and lazy as a result of having drunk myself to the point of passing out the night before. I was not nearly the mother I wanted to be today. This site is wonderful. I look forward to making some sober friends who are going through the same process as me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: La Grange, IL
Posts: 30
I do have a quick question. Does anyone know how to go about meeting people in my area who are working on sobriety (besides AA meetings, which I do plan to attend)? I wondered if there was a site that helped to link local people together for support groups.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,511
Hi Stephanie,
We kind of think of ourselves as a family here, Stephanie, regardless of where we're from. I think that some cities have SMART meetings so you might check it out.
It sounds like you've had enough of the mental obsession of alcoholism. I know when I finally gave up trying to limit/control/manage my drinking and stopped, it felt amazing.
We kind of think of ourselves as a family here, Stephanie, regardless of where we're from. I think that some cities have SMART meetings so you might check it out.
It sounds like you've had enough of the mental obsession of alcoholism. I know when I finally gave up trying to limit/control/manage my drinking and stopped, it felt amazing.
Ch5 HOW
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Queens, NY
Posts: 175
Originally Posted by stephanie119 
Hi all,
I am new to the site and wanted to reach out. I cannot yet consider myself sober in any real sense of the word, as I managed to get completely drunk last night. I am like many...never gotten a DUI (total luck), never gotten in trouble due to alcohol, etc. What I have been struggling with for some time is the reality that alcohol has a much greater hold on my life than it should. I am the mom who heads to the porch for a glass (or many) of wine after the kids go to bed. That would seem harmless if I wasn't pairing the drinking with smoking cigarettes (I only allow myself to smoke when I drink, so I often wonder which addiction is feeding which), drinking until the wee hours of the morning (often alone), drinking to the point of being in no shape to handle an emergency with my kids if one were to arise, waking up many mornings with no energy for my children and blowing days with them as a result, feeling an immense sense of guilt, shame and failure, and losing a hold on the things that I love to do (reading, creating, jewelry design, exercise, etc.) because I am spending hours a night numbing myself. I have known for a long time that my drinking is a problem. My worst moment was when I passed out with a pot on the stove. All was fine, but it was this amazing wake-up moment for me, solidifying all of my concerns and leaving me with a certainty that I would not drink again....yeah, right. I always find a way to justify drinking again once the glamour of the "sobriety dream" wears off. "I'll go in after 1 drink", "I'll only drink on weekends", "I'll only drink socially"....and on and on. The truth is, I am tired of feeling bad physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. But while the concept of an alcohol-free life entices me on many levels, I struggle with the idea of never drinking again, especially in social settings. As ridiculous as this sounds to my intellectual side, the less well thought out side of me wants to be like everyone else, cheering with glasses of wine and feeling "normal" among friends and family. So, needless to say, any words of advice or support would be greatly appreciated! Thanks all!
I am new to the site and wanted to reach out. I cannot yet consider myself sober in any real sense of the word, as I managed to get completely drunk last night. I am like many...never gotten a DUI (total luck), never gotten in trouble due to alcohol, etc. What I have been struggling with for some time is the reality that alcohol has a much greater hold on my life than it should. I am the mom who heads to the porch for a glass (or many) of wine after the kids go to bed. That would seem harmless if I wasn't pairing the drinking with smoking cigarettes (I only allow myself to smoke when I drink, so I often wonder which addiction is feeding which), drinking until the wee hours of the morning (often alone), drinking to the point of being in no shape to handle an emergency with my kids if one were to arise, waking up many mornings with no energy for my children and blowing days with them as a result, feeling an immense sense of guilt, shame and failure, and losing a hold on the things that I love to do (reading, creating, jewelry design, exercise, etc.) because I am spending hours a night numbing myself. I have known for a long time that my drinking is a problem. My worst moment was when I passed out with a pot on the stove. All was fine, but it was this amazing wake-up moment for me, solidifying all of my concerns and leaving me with a certainty that I would not drink again....yeah, right. I always find a way to justify drinking again once the glamour of the "sobriety dream" wears off. "I'll go in after 1 drink", "I'll only drink on weekends", "I'll only drink socially"....and on and on. The truth is, I am tired of feeling bad physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. But while the concept of an alcohol-free life entices me on many levels, I struggle with the idea of never drinking again, especially in social settings. As ridiculous as this sounds to my intellectual side, the less well thought out side of me wants to be like everyone else, cheering with glasses of wine and feeling "normal" among friends and family. So, needless to say, any words of advice or support would be greatly appreciated! Thanks all!
Here is a link I pulled to AA meetings in your hometown listed in your profile:
Lagrange AA Meetings
I will not tell you that you should or shouldnt go to AA, but I will tell you that my experience has been that AA has been the only thing that worked for me and I have attempted numerous methods to stop or control my drinking. I also identify with your post where you said that the "glamour of the sobriety dream wears off"-- i felt that way many times-- I was just searching for the answers in all the wrong places.
Groovy Dancer
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: The States
Posts: 4,751
Welcome Stephanie! You will find a lot of support here. I look forward to reading more form you.
I don't have an answer to your question about meeting people in your area. You may notice people on SR that live in your area. Although seeing as how you're form IL, a lot of people won't admit living there. That was a total joke I couldn't resist from a friendly WI friend. :rotfxko You know...PACKERS / bears and all. I am a Blackhawk fan though.
Anyway...way off point. I'm glad you're considering AA. Keep us posted.
I don't have an answer to your question about meeting people in your area. You may notice people on SR that live in your area. Although seeing as how you're form IL, a lot of people won't admit living there. That was a total joke I couldn't resist from a friendly WI friend. :rotfxko You know...PACKERS / bears and all. I am a Blackhawk fan though.
Anyway...way off point.
I'm glad you're considering AA. Keep us posted.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Redefining Happy
Posts: 2,085
Hi Stephanie,
Oh gosh, I can relate to so much of what you wrote. I've had a few of those "pot on the stove" moments, too. I've been sober now for almost nine months... What finally clicked with me was the phrase "one day at a time". As much as I hated hearing that phrase, it really worked for me. As long as I don't drink today, I will be ok. I've attempted sobriety (seriously) 3 times. The reason that I am sober today is that I now have a support system.
Trying to control my drinking never ever worked for me and honestly, it was so draining... sheesh. Early on in sobriety, I would mourn for wine, knowing that I planned on never drinking alcohol again. But I think that is normal. These days, when I think about wine, I remember the bad stuff: headaches, embarrassments, hangovers, waking up at 3:30 am in a toxic, dehydrated despair.... don't miss any of that. I am now able to work on becoming the "real me"... something that I was unable to do while being an active wino.... I feel like I am a teenager now (in my 40's) but that's ok.
I post almost everyday in the Gratitude List The Gratitude List - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information which keeps me connected with some really cool people here on SR.
Keep us posted to let us know how you are doing
Oh gosh, I can relate to so much of what you wrote. I've had a few of those "pot on the stove" moments, too. I've been sober now for almost nine months... What finally clicked with me was the phrase "one day at a time". As much as I hated hearing that phrase, it really worked for me. As long as I don't drink today, I will be ok. I've attempted sobriety (seriously) 3 times. The reason that I am sober today is that I now have a support system.
Trying to control my drinking never ever worked for me and honestly, it was so draining... sheesh. Early on in sobriety, I would mourn for wine, knowing that I planned on never drinking alcohol again. But I think that is normal. These days, when I think about wine, I remember the bad stuff: headaches, embarrassments, hangovers, waking up at 3:30 am in a toxic, dehydrated despair.... don't miss any of that. I am now able to work on becoming the "real me"... something that I was unable to do while being an active wino.... I feel like I am a teenager now (in my 40's) but that's ok
.I post almost everyday in the Gratitude List The Gratitude List - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information which keeps me connected with some really cool people here on SR.
Keep us posted to let us know how you are doing
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Originally Posted by stephanie119
I struggle with the idea of never drinking again, especially in social settings.
I didn't read the replies, so maybe mine is not the first to give this recommendation....
Don't quit forever... quit for today. Seriously... you can drink anytime, just not today.... Heck, even I could do that.... just not drink, just for today... I can have one tomorrow, but just not today.
This "tool" has worked very very well for me... while not a lot compared to many... so far it has worked 835 times. Stephanie, worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes... You have enough to do today... And, if you are having a good day today, enjoy it!!
One day at a time.... Means a whole awful lot more than you may think.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: La Grange, IL
Posts: 30
Thanks, Mark75! What you said makes a lot of sense. I woke up today without a hangover...and while I have had many of those mornings, they were the minority for me. I am attending an AA meeting this morning. I know I can get through today. Thanks!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: La Grange, IL
Posts: 30
Hi, Reubena! Thanks so very much for your reply. I am a wine lover too...that's my poison of choice. I woke up sober today and I am heading off to a meeting, so I'm feeling good so far...but the day is young...hah! The urge never hits me until the evening...after a day with young kids! Thanks again!
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