bluebelle

I have been lurking on here, but haven't posted in awhile. I'm still with my RABF. I think he has been sober for 2 years. However, he has had issues with work. He was just fired for the 4th time in a year. Is has savings, so he says he is going to live on that for awhile so that he can find himself and figure out what work he wants to do. He has a background in a really good field, but is bored with the work.

I am working hard on school and work. I also want to change careers, so I'm going to school full-time. I work part-time. It's a lot of work and studying, but I am happy with my progress. I will have a good career when I'm finished. So, I'm looking forward to a life of being capable of financially taking care of myself. This will be a 3rd degree for me. I know, it's a little much. I'm a little over-educated.

I've been stressed with it being the holidays. I enjoyed Christmas Eve with friends, so that was good. However, I have had this lurking depression and anxiety in the back of my mind. My mom is an addict, and I spent about 35 Christmases with her. They were filled with drama, police, violence, etc. So, by choice, I do not live near her or spend the holidays with her.

I have gotten one phone call from her. She has her cable/phone/Internet cut off, and now has her cell phone cut off. She lives on disability (mental disabilities). Usually, she gets a card to me by now. She called from a friend's phone and said cards would be late because so much is happening. Her dog of 15 years just died. She was very attached to her dog. Especially, since pretty much nobody else will hang out with her due to the violence/mental instability/verbal abuse. I know this is a difficult time for her, and I am worried about her. I have little contact with her, but it doesn't mean that I don't worry about her.

Other than that, I, of course, heard nothing from my addict/alcoholic father at Christmas. That's completely normal. Knowing him, I'm better off not hearing from him.

I'm sorry if this sounds all depressed. I have a tendency to get stressed at holiday time. It brings back too many bad memories. I've got to work full-time next week, and I'm not looking forward to that (I have a stressful job). Then, I get to go back to another semester of school soon. I guess I just need to let go and work on acceptance.

Thanks for listening.

Live

(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

Kindeyes

bluebelle
I'm sorry that the holidays bring such bad memories for you. The holidays are tough for a lot of us. They can be stressful for anyone but when there is addiction involved, it can elevate the stress levels.

I have found that everything revolves around acceptance. There are many things that we have no control over. Once we accept that, our reality often improves.

Congrats on your schooling. Keep up the good work!

gentle hugs

bluebelle

Thank you. I'm just worried about my AM. I know that I have no control over her situation (believe me, I tried for years). The only thing I could do if I got really worried is call her local police and have them do a wellness check. However, I think that is unnecessary. She did call me a few days ago and said that she would contact me after she got her phone hooked up.

With RABF, it's the usual thing. I keep expecting him to get his life back together--he stopped the drugs, so I assume he's going to go back to working and all of that. However, he claims that now that he isn't doing pills, he no longer can work his old job. I guess the pills were keeping the work bearable. Or, at least that's what he says. So, he wants to do something different--like photography or something. I guess I just hate all these new jobs and then losing those jobs. It seems like everything has no pattern and is so up in the air. I want some kind of consistency from him, but that does not seem to be what he wants out of himself. Of course, there is the possibility that somehow the drugs are involved in all of this. I don't have any signs of such (other than work firings). It seems like he has become honest with me about what he is doing and about his feelings. He did do one strange thing. He takes prescribed medicine to help him sleep. He said that he was eating grapefruit with it because that was supposed to increase how well it works. That sounded like unhealthy behavior to me. I said it didn't sound smart, which made him roll his eyes.

wicked

I had the same problem with my ex, he used alcohol and crack. He had an excellent job as a rough carpenter and had experience. But, he would keep losing jobs, "oh, i didnt like it, didnt like the foreman, foreman didnt like me, i should be the foreman." This continued until he burned out every reputable carpentry outfit in southeast michigan.
then it started with the guys who are jacklegs, you know cheap, but no insurance and want to get paid in cash.

It seems as though your RABF is the same way, he just wants to find himself while he sits around living with you and using his "supposed" savings. I have my doubts, but I am cynical like that.

What do you want from a boyfriend? there are consistent men out there. men whose dream is to live with someone like you and go to work and come home to the same thing everyday. security.

Beth

bluebelle

Exactly. My RABF pays the majority of the expenses in our household, so he is not living off of me. We are actually looking for a cheaper place, which is fine with me. I don't like the fact that he is paying so much more toward the expenses than I am. Plus, since he is "finding himself," we need a cheaper place. He wants to be able to stretch out his savings as long as possible.

RABF claims he wants to save money so that we can travel more. We'll see if that happens.

Wicked, it sounds like you know what I am going through. I understand that a 40-something year old may need to find himself. I also understand that after 25 years of working in one field, he may be ready to do something else. However, consistency is something that is important to me. It may be that we are going in different directions.

I don't mind if he takes some time off to find himself. However, I am concerned about the constant pattern of getting jobs and then getting fired. Of course, he is always fired because of someone else. He also claims he gets fired because he is tired and burned out. I don't exactly like my job either, but I haven't gotten myself fired.