NEOMARXIST

I've just been chatting and thinking about this. I remember the feeling of always having negative stuff looming around my neck, so to speak. For example court date, signing on at the job centre, Finding in my jeans pocket Stop and search tickets that I don't remember getting, Getting calls from scum bags when I was sober so I didn't really want to speak to them, checking bank balance and finding I blew £350+ on a mad binge in town, that feeling of hopelessness that more of the same crap is inevitable, not remembering who I offended and if I was barred from a pub, being unsure if I had p*ssed off my family during blackout etcetc.

Basically I would try to enjoy an event, christmas day for example, but would have negative crap looming and whizzing around in the back of my head, that meant I couldn't ever feel free.

That's what's great about getting a decent length of sobriety and recovery under your belt. It enables you to make ammends and resolve all of the negative crap that your drinking and behaviour created.

It's amazing how easy it is for me to briefly lose focus and perspective as to where I was at before getting sober. I was saying earlier how I would have taken just being able to stay sober back when I was despairing at my worst. That seemed impossible to not get wrecked and be able to keep sane.

It's obviously enabled me to achieve and create a lot more than that and I'm very grateful for that. I remember that when I got properly sober I was still unemployed and six weeks later I managed to get a job, which I still have now part-time. I had such gratitude for gaining that job. It was great to finally be back in employment and not having the whole signing-on week in week out to bring me down. I could barely make the job centre to sign my name.

It's so easy for me to very briefly forget the reality of what I used to live like and the situations and hopelessness that I felt.

It truly is great to not have negative crap looming around the corner as a result of my alcoholism and drug abuse/addiction.

Grateful to be sober, grateful to be an alcoholic.

Peace

Hevyn

Neo, if I was feeling a bit triggered due to the holiday season, this post knocked it out of me. Thanks!

I remember those years filled with dread dealing with the fallout from my binges. The remorse for hurting/offending people - some of whom have never forgiven me or tried to understand. I would tend to drink more to blot it all out - and of course we all know where that led.

It's amazing what we do to ourselves in an attempt to make our lives less stressful or more fun. Neo, you "got it" early in the game - wish I had. I am so glad for you, my friend.

least

Amen to that!

Impurrfect

(((Neo))) thanks for yet, another, awesome post. Though I'm still dealing with some of my consequences, it's okay. I have faith that they are part of the path I'm meant to walk, and I will be stronger for it.

I have a lot to be grateful for, and you and others, here at SR are on that gratitude list

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

artsoul

you got that right, NEO!

I'm so grateful that I can come here each day and be reminded of the negatives of drinking and the positives of staying sober. I love your posts!:ghug3

Anna

Great post, Neo!

It took me a long time to resurface after the downward spiral and I definitely don't want to go through that again.

24hrsAday

+1 same here! good post there Neo..

coffeenut

Yep.

Never thought it would be harder to be a drunk that to be sober. But it was.

ItWillBeWorthIt

Great post Neo...

I so believe it is way easier to be sober than to be drunk. Being drunk just takes everything out of me... and I mean EVERYTHING. I like how you state you are grateful you are an alcoholic... I feel the same way... and actually, because of the steps I am taking in my recovery I am becoming a better person than I have ever been.

Yeah, being sober is a wonderful place to be.