sunshineahead

New here and to not drinking. Was a fun party girl from college onward...managed well with my career and weekend drinking...married, had two beautiful girls, when stress hit, we'd drink. Every night. That turned into a daily habit for about 8 years. I am ashamed it has gone on this long! And, that I let it.
Saw a therapist last week (paid out of pocket to keep my secret from ins. co's). I didn't drink that night or the next four. Having serious emotional roller coaters....anger and anxiety and irritibilty. Good times! But, I *hope* this is temporary while my body repairs and regains the ability to function without alcohol.
Am I an alcoholic? Perhaps. I don't care if I am or not, I just knew enough was enough and I didn't want to get a dui, have any more embarassing times with friends, and wanted to be fully functioning! I am hopeful for that.
I would love to get to the point where I could have a couple drinks on a weekend night and leave it at that. Still not sure if that's reality for me or not.
Been to one AA meeting. Interesting. Will try more. There were a few who looked like me.
I love my girls and my family and don't want anything to mess that up (or them!) so here I am. They are six and eight.
Feeling weepy all morning....what is up with that? I am not a crier!
No dt's or any "physical" from withdrawl. Just emotional. Can't handle ANY stress. I am sure I am such a joy to be around...thank God for my sweet husband.

least

Early sobriety is a bumpy road with a lot of ups and downs. But with each sober day it will get better. Try to just stay in today. Don't worry about yesterday or tomorrow - live for today. I'm glad you found us and joined the family!

GreenAces

Yeah early sobriety sucks!! When I first came to, I was either extremely manically elated or extremely down... Or just not feeling anything... It does get better! Keep going to meetings you will find that it is great and there are a lot of great people who go.. Don't just go to 1 but find a few different ones you like and find a homegroup. Remember the program only works when you work it. If you go to a meeting just to go you probably won't get much out of it but if you actually work the program you will find a life changing experience.. I promise.

sunshineahead

thanks guys! i appreciate the support and kindness.

Opivotal

Welcome Sunshine, Nice to have you with us! I couldn't take much stress the first week either. It was all I could do not to drink. It's much better now. I had to find new ways to cope without alcohol. Like you said, it will take some time for your body to adjust and repair itself. Best Wishes To You!

Anna

Welcome, and I'm glad you made the decision to live a sober life. And, you're right, the label is unimportant. What matters is how you feel about yourself and your life when you're drinking. For me, I felt horrible. I was isolating more and more and just not fully present.

I hope you keep reading and posting.

stephnc

It's completely normal for your emotions to be all over the place when you first stop drinking...just hang in there, take good care of yourself, and remind yourself that it WILL get better - before you know it. And keep posting here, it really helps.

Stephanie

franie

Sound just like I am - three girls, lovely husband and feeling like I was having some sort of breakdown during the first few days. No physical withdrawal for me either - but I KNOW that I have a disease. I just could not stop drinking once I started - never more than a bottle of wine - but that was far too much. It will get better - I am now on day 21 and feeling much better. Still more bad days than good but it is getting better. Why or why did I get into this state. You will be ok - just take it one day at a time (as they all say).

doggonecarl

The beginning days of the sober journey are tough. Hang in there and ride it out.

Wouldn't we all. But that's not the case, and those that hang on to that belief find out the hard way, by relapsing and resuming their old life.

I found my recovery went a lot smoothing when I dropped such a fantasy. If I truely wanted just "a couple drinks" that would have been my drinking pattern and I wouldn't have had to come here. And if I try to adopt that pattern, control my drinking, it may work for a little while, but eventually the old drinker would emerge.

Good luck!

LaFemme

Welcome sunshine!

I was very gentle with myself the first 2 weeks of sobriety....after that I gradually started doing more...I found that when I didn't try to change everything at once I was able to handle things without stress much easier.

Keep seeing the therapist....its such a help!

slipperyknot

Hey sunshine, It sounds like you are going through a really tough time. I am new to recovery, day 9. I am not having the tougher time with emotions all the time but I am finding some big ugly things come popping out and I have a good cry, weepy sometimes, manically happy others. I agree with taking it easy on yourself. Plan less things that are stressful, try to get through just that day, that hour.

I wish I would have stopped drinking when my daughter was younger. Mine is now 16 and I think she is drinking too much and I know, for a fact, my drinking my little glass of wine has helped her see alcohol as not only ok, but fine to drink in excess. I have known about my problem for a long time. I am a totally functioning alcoholic, great job, great boyfriend, but everyone I know has seen me plastered at one time or other but I was still not trying to get better.

Over the years I can't stop, I drink all the wine, I pass out on the couch and my daughter wakes me up. I black out, bruise myself and have taken to peeing in bed, 4 times in the last year. I have found that my "trying to be good" and just drink a few turned into uglier and uglier episodes. I am afraid of what I could lose.

I guess you know when you know and then you can't unknow the truth. I have known for 10 years that I have to stop, this is just my first 9 days. Good luck, just do the best you can each day. Meetings sounds like a great way to go but ultimately it is up to each of us for ourselves everyday.

SR boards, thanks for your support.