crazybabie

First I want to thank everyone here I have learned so much with alot more to learn.

The saying when it rains it pours has held so true for me today, this, is what has occured during a 3 hour period today.

1. Daughter (Age:20) was living with me untill she stole from me and I made her move, today she calls and wants to take a shower I allowed her to do so, then she calls and has nothing to eat and will not have untill the 17th. She ate dinner here with her father and I last night. (I will get into update on him later)

2. Middle AS (Age.22) calls and he has nothing to eat and wants to know can he come and get a sandwich, he never showed but anyways, then he calls later he has been staying with a friend I will call Dre and his friends GF. dre, left the gf so now son has no where to stay. He at least has a job, but was just drug tested yesterday because they moved him to full time. They said would be about a week for the results.


3. Oldest AS,(Age 25 and diagnosis of schizoeffective) was released from jail today he is the one who I have severe problems out of. The main problem is that I am payee over his disability and first thing out he is telling me what I am going to do. I reacted before thinking


So in 3 hours I have two of my adult children who are hungry and no food, one who now has no where to live and one out of jail . I felt like I needed a box of bandaids, instead I did not offer middle son anywhere to stay...

I told daughter I am not cooking tonight which I am not.

A friend of oldest son came and got the money for his motel room and groceries etc... I do trust this guy he has done this before and all went good.

I ran straight to SR where I know my dear friends will help me keep my focus on me where it should be.


AH, moved back in on December 1st, everything between us has gone good thus far... I know it has not been long but usually by now he is gone again.
He is using marijuana, appears that at this time that is all I know a drug is a drug is a drug...

I am reading here at the forum just haven't been posting lately, going to alanon and reading pamplets and books...

I sure wish we could become un Codependent over night, yet we didn't become that way over night.

Sorry so long, I just needed to get the frustrations of today out...

Thanks,

Kindeyes

cb
So glad to hear that you are going to meetings. I remember (not that long ago) when you were unsure if you would be able to go to meetings (fear based like most of us the first time) and look at you now! I think you've made terrific progress! You are pretty darn amazing in my book! Remember progress.....not perfection!

gentle hugs

Live

I am sorry you have had a rough day but I also see tremendous strength in you!!

crazybabie

I surely do not feel strong right now, I feel like I could cry myself to sleep. I am thankful others can see the things about us that we can't makes me feel better.

KE, yes I did finally get the courage for the meetings and it is helping alot, I am going to ask for a sponser soon I do believe.

Live

You show your strength in making healthy decisions in the face of those things in spite of what you may be feeling. That is strength.

I am doing something tonight that I do not want to do. Doing it feels yucky. It has even had me crying. But I am doing the right thing, the best thing and I know it. So, as long as I keep my path, tears or no tears, I am growing.

so are you, my friend, so are you!
You didn't pick up all their problems and go running to the rescue even tho' it hurts. But you know this is best for them and for you, that makes you a winner!

MissTara

CB,

You are really going through alot right now, I feel for you. You do have strength in your words...not offering your middle son a place to stay was a big step in my eyes. That must have been hard for you. Glad your going to meetings. I just got some info from a member this morning about Nar-anon meetings here in Oklahoma, so I am going to attend my first one. It is scary but I know it will help me. Stay strong Sister!

litehorse

i'm sorry you are dealing with so much especially all at the same time - prayers are with you as you continue to work on your own recovery and give your children the chance to work on theirs - i know your momma heart is hurting - blessings

crazybabie

The struts on my car are going out so it has to be driven as little as possible right now
I gave 300.00 to a guy who has gotten my son motel rooms for me before with no issues. He has always given me the reciepts etc...

Well son has no room after check-out today he kept on at the the guy so much untill he gave in and gave the money to AS and I later found out he cracked it up.

I have decided he can stay on the streets untill it would be time to renew the room which would be the 16th.

I guess jail for 6 months helped him zip this time once again.
He called me with so many lies about he got kicked out of the room etc.. I called the guy and he told me what happened.

Middle AS, worked things out for hisself and has somewhere to stay and daughter is currently at my moms. Things are looking better, I just hate oldest AS will be on the streets it is cold and suppose to rain with some snow flurries and he has enough money for a room but I just can't keep doing that.