35 and 35...or maybe hour by hour
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Venus, Space
Posts: 757
35 and 35...or maybe hour by hour
Ok, I just felt the overwhelming need to 'post up'.
I woke up at 8am today, got out of bed, made coffee and jumped on the SR forums and started reading and replying to others threads and smoking cigarettes (started smoking again when I went off the deep end with alcoholism after almost a year of non-smoking...sucks).
Today is day 35 for me in this attempt for sobriety, it is also my real 35th birthday. I was drinking my coffee, looking at my 4th step work I have written out and asking myself how come my house didn't get cleaned up (my physical house) over this last week/month? I only made minor dents here and there.
Then I found this on a different website:
'Recovery has taught me that I can’t think my way into right action; instead I need to act my way into right thinking. It’s a lesson I learned in early sobriety, though I was reminded of it again today.'
And thus I sprang off my couch, showered, ate a banana, and started cleaning. I could already tell when I woke up this is going to be an 'hour by hour' day but that's OK. I'm going to walk my dog, then keep cleaning and who knows maybe I'll reply to my own post with how my day is going.
Otherwise I had planned to sit on my ass, procrastinate until my Sunday night meeting and buy frozen food for the week. Blah, I've not been finding much joy in frozen food and cigarettes lately so hopefully I'll get some cleaning done and make a big pot of chili to have for the work week and get my mind off my trivial issues my disease would prefer I sit here and dwell on all day. Oh yeah, and none of my family has called or sent cards - first year ever. Am I mad? Not really, I missed EVERYBODY'S birthday in my family this year (not that 'that' is anything new, but usually I don't forget mom or dad...at least 'not both in the same year'), damn was I mad at myself for that too recently along with everything else I've damaged in my life. So yea, I don't expect them to treat me differently than I treated them.
Matter o fact, I might just call mom & dad to say hi and I love them even though my pride doesn't want me to do that either. Ok, enuff for now, thanks for providing a forum for me to vent or get the crazies out on!
I woke up at 8am today, got out of bed, made coffee and jumped on the SR forums and started reading and replying to others threads and smoking cigarettes (started smoking again when I went off the deep end with alcoholism after almost a year of non-smoking...sucks).
Today is day 35 for me in this attempt for sobriety, it is also my real 35th birthday. I was drinking my coffee, looking at my 4th step work I have written out and asking myself how come my house didn't get cleaned up (my physical house) over this last week/month? I only made minor dents here and there.
Then I found this on a different website:
'Recovery has taught me that I can’t think my way into right action; instead I need to act my way into right thinking. It’s a lesson I learned in early sobriety, though I was reminded of it again today.'
And thus I sprang off my couch, showered, ate a banana, and started cleaning. I could already tell when I woke up this is going to be an 'hour by hour' day but that's OK. I'm going to walk my dog, then keep cleaning and who knows maybe I'll reply to my own post with how my day is going.
Otherwise I had planned to sit on my ass, procrastinate until my Sunday night meeting and buy frozen food for the week. Blah, I've not been finding much joy in frozen food and cigarettes lately so hopefully I'll get some cleaning done and make a big pot of chili to have for the work week and get my mind off my trivial issues my disease would prefer I sit here and dwell on all day. Oh yeah, and none of my family has called or sent cards - first year ever. Am I mad? Not really, I missed EVERYBODY'S birthday in my family this year (not that 'that' is anything new, but usually I don't forget mom or dad...at least 'not both in the same year'), damn was I mad at myself for that too recently along with everything else I've damaged in my life. So yea, I don't expect them to treat me differently than I treated them.
Matter o fact, I might just call mom & dad to say hi and I love them even though my pride doesn't want me to do that either. Ok, enuff for now, thanks for providing a forum for me to vent or get the crazies out on!
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I want to quit smoking again, too...... Infact, I want to do EVERYTHING and do it RIGHT AWAY! I'm going to clean some today as well. I have to be careful not to get too overwhelmed, though. I like AA's saying "Easy Does It."
But how nice that we're not hungover and can choose to be productive today!
I loved the quote about acting our way into right thinking. Thanks for that!
But how nice that we're not hungover and can choose to be productive today!
I loved the quote about acting our way into right thinking. Thanks for that!
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Happy Birthday SwanSong 
I agree with Artsoul not to go manic over it,. but I think doing something for yourself and having a clean house is a great present to yourself.
You've inspired me now...dammit
lol
D
I agree with Artsoul not to go manic over it,. but I think doing something for yourself and having a clean house is a great present to yourself.
You've inspired me now...dammit
lolD
7
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Venus, Space
Posts: 757
Thank you all for the kind words. I completely agree about the balance, easy does it, and first things first - hey at least I didn't throw "career change" into my list too!
But at the same time I needed to pry my ass off the couch and that quote I found was just enough motivation to get up and do that.
Some interesting things- I threw away all my 'medical' marijuana my third day back in AA (I wasn't smoking any, but I kept seeing it in my living room and I figured I'd better toss it before things had the potential to get 'slippery'). In cleaning my place (ok, ok, SOME of my place) today I found several more items I no longer needed- a grinder for my vaporizer, my vaporizer itself, some rolling papers, and then I remembered I still had my medical marijuana ID card. So I threw everything away...except I was looking at my medical ID card and the thought occurred to me that it was one of the best pictures of me I have (I was 'physically' very healthy when I got it renewed, spiritually a mess) and maybe I should keep it! Seeing my brilliance at work I decided to take scissors to it first, chopped it into a bunch of little pieces and then put it out in the trash! Lots of old medication I no longer take that was just sitting around collecting dust - down the toilet with that stuff. Oh and I tossed the non-Alcoholic beer that has been sitting in my fridge forever as well.
I had no idea how many potential invitations to my old friends misery, chaos and disaster were still just lying around...oh my. And I got some real cleaning done also not just moving piles from one location to another (I'm very good at that if anyone needs help relocating their mess!). And chili is now simmering on the stove.
Oh best of all, I called my mom and spoke with her for about an hour....she actually DID forget it was my birthday until we were talking but she put a card in the mail - just a bit late so she said it would probably arrive by tomorrow (so really she just hadn't remembered yet 'today')..!
I elected mom to be one of spiritual advisers
So happy to have made it through Thanksgiving and now coming to the end of my bday sober and things feel a lot less slippery around here now. Thank you everyone for being here and supporting each other!
- hey at least I didn't throw "career change" into my list too!But at the same time I needed to pry my ass off the couch and that quote I found was just enough motivation to get up and do that.
Some interesting things- I threw away all my 'medical' marijuana my third day back in AA (I wasn't smoking any, but I kept seeing it in my living room and I figured I'd better toss it before things had the potential to get 'slippery'). In cleaning my place (ok, ok, SOME of my place) today I found several more items I no longer needed- a grinder for my vaporizer, my vaporizer itself, some rolling papers, and then I remembered I still had my medical marijuana ID card. So I threw everything away...except I was looking at my medical ID card and the thought occurred to me that it was one of the best pictures of me I have (I was 'physically' very healthy when I got it renewed, spiritually a mess) and maybe I should keep it! Seeing my brilliance at work I decided to take scissors to it first, chopped it into a bunch of little pieces and then put it out in the trash! Lots of old medication I no longer take that was just sitting around collecting dust - down the toilet with that stuff. Oh and I tossed the non-Alcoholic beer that has been sitting in my fridge forever as well.
I had no idea how many potential invitations to my old friends misery, chaos and disaster were still just lying around...oh my. And I got some real cleaning done also not just moving piles from one location to another (I'm very good at that if anyone needs help relocating their mess!). And chili is now simmering on the stove.
Oh best of all, I called my mom and spoke with her for about an hour....she actually DID forget it was my birthday until we were talking but she put a card in the mail - just a bit late so she said it would probably arrive by tomorrow (so really she just hadn't remembered yet 'today')..!
I elected mom to be one of spiritual advisers
So happy to have made it through Thanksgiving and now coming to the end of my bday sober and things feel a lot less slippery around here now. Thank you everyone for being here and supporting each other!
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
Oh man...I too am a smoker. I just am not ready to give EVERYTHING up ..right now my focus is on my sobriety. That is straightening out my tipped halo BIGTIME! And ..Happy Birthday! *D@mn cigarettes*...
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Rangely Colorado
Posts: 80
Act my way into thinking ... yeah, I remember my sponsor told me something like that a few years ago - "normal people get to change the way they act by thinking different, but our thinkers are broken, we get in trouble if we start thinking too much!" Love that woman.
And I have a tendency to move piles around, too - but today I actually moved all my front-room furniture, vacuumed, and "did" some of the wood flooring, it looked so good I also cleaned my bathroom and ironed some shirts. This ironing thing is a BIG change ... I used to have baskets of ironing that I was gonna do "one of these days". Amazing how quick it actually goes once ya get started!
Thanks for your post - you got me off my dead a** too!!
And I have a tendency to move piles around, too - but today I actually moved all my front-room furniture, vacuumed, and "did" some of the wood flooring, it looked so good I also cleaned my bathroom and ironed some shirts. This ironing thing is a BIG change ... I used to have baskets of ironing that I was gonna do "one of these days". Amazing how quick it actually goes once ya get started!
Thanks for your post - you got me off my dead a** too!!
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
It took us awhile to make a complete mess of our lives...its going to take a little time to get our house in order:-) that's something it took me a little while to get...my first month I expected everything to be better, change, go away...whatever. eventually I realized that as long as I make a little progress every day that's good enough...it also means there is something to look forward to:-) the longer I am sober the bigger my daily progress seems...I think its because progress is like a snowball...keep adding a flake at a time and eventually its huge!
It took us awhile to make a complete mess of our lives...its going to take a little time to get our house in order:-) that's something it took me a little while to get...my first month I expected everything to be better, change, go away...whatever. eventually I realized that as long as I make a little progress every day that's good enough...it also means there is something to look forward to:-) the longer I am sober the bigger my daily progress seems...I think its because progress is like a snowball...keep adding a flake at a time and eventually its huge!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,180
Happy Birthday SwanSong!! You have motivated me to fire up some chili for dinner this evening. I think it is 25 degrees outside today, so chili would be perfect! While belated, I will sing HB to you as I sit down to eat.
Carlos
Carlos
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