Freedom1990

Sometimes a truly tragic event brings me back to the basics of my own recovery, not only from codependency, but also from alcoholism.

I've said many times before that my disease is threefold-physical, mental, and spiritual. If I don't address all three areas, I am destined to drink again, or worse.

Just sitting in AA meetings doesn't cut it. Just not drinking doesn't cut it. I've been sober long enough now to have experienced some very dark periods during my sobriety where drinking wasn't going to be an option, but something far more permanent crossed my mind.

I am grateful to a loving God today, and to my AA friends for helping me past those dark times, for giving me hope again that kept me putting one foot in front of the other.

My sponsor called me to see if I could chair for him as he wasn't going to be at the meeting.

He had gotten a call from a sober friend in another AA group he attends to tell him that a friend of theirs, 22 years sober, had shot himself in the head.

Unfortunately he didn't get the job done, but instead obliterated part of his brain.

My sponsor left town to visit his friend along with two other members of that AA group.

The prognosis is abysmal.

We lost a former member of my home group earlier this year. He had gone back to drinking, and eventually put a gun to his head.

I am again reminded that alcoholism kills in more ways than one. I am again reminded just how precious life really is. I am again reminded what the important things in life are.

It wasn't much of a holiday for a family whose beloved husband/father/son/brother lies in ICU.

What's important in your life today? I know what's important in mine.

If you could spare a prayer for the family of my sponsor's friend, I would appreciate it.

lillamy

They have my prayers.

And as the ex-wife of a non-drinking alcoholic who has not yet reached your level of insight, you've just voiced my biggest fear for my ex-husband. Not drinking means only just that -- that you are not drinking. When drinking has been your way of choice of battling the demons of your mind or your spirit, that leaves you healthier in only one way, and knowing your vulnerability so much more vividly in others.

ItsmeAlice

Addiction and codependence really is a disease for which there is no cure.

I will always be codependent no matter my years in recovery and that does frighten me.

Prayers for he and his family being said.

Alice

Freedom1990

Lillamy, I will keep your ex in my prayers.

With a 32-year-old AD of my own, I've learned to replace fear with faith, faith that things are as they should be, and that my AD has God right there beside her as I have had all my life.

I fully expect to bury my AD before she's 40. She's morbidly obese, has chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, and does nothing but sit around all day eating Xanax. Her teeth are rotting. She's at high risk of developing diabetes. She's a walking heart attack.

There are days that is painful for me, but most days I take great comfort in God's presence, and I give my worries to him.,

Dee74

Prayers for all those mentioned here, and for all those suffering today.

D

chicory

Freedom,
I am so very sorry. Such sadness for all involved. I will be saying prayers for them.

chicory

celticghirl

i will say a prayer before i go to sleep tonight xxxx

laurie6781

Thank you Devon for the reminder.

Prayers going out to the family.

I had this same scenario put in my face at about 6 months sober. There was a Saturday night meeting I attended every Saturday. There was a fellow and his wife at every meeting. She had about 11 1/2 years and he had not quite 11.

For 3 weeks in a row they weren't there. Then it was announced that 3 weeks prior (it actually was on the front page of the newspaper that day) and on the friday night before the meeting, in a drunken rage he shot and killed his wife and then himself.

Boy did that bring home to this newcomer just what I was up against, and it really was after that incident that I 'buckled' down with my sponser and her hubby to start 'working' and then learn how to live the steps. Yes I 'buckled' down in FEAR. I DIDN'T want to be that fellow.

I agree, just 'sitting in AA meetings' does NOT cut it, but in conjunction with working with a sponsor can give one a better perspective on what and what not to do.

Again, sending out prayers for the family.

Love and hugs,

barb dwyer

Some of us make it.
But the simple truth is
most of us don't.

Thank you for the reminder today.

*prayers*

johndelko408

My prayers have just gone out to the man's family and will again tonight before I lay my head down. This subject really touches my heart, I myself have been in those dark places, and again very recently. I've contemplated it many times in my recovery, only to remind myself, that this will get better and this too shall pass. When I get in those dark places where I feel I have no other options I have to do things to make myself hold on for dear life, literally. I think of my children and how they would feel without there father in their lives. I reach out and call my sponsor a friend from my support group and I pray to God to please take these thoughts and feelings away from me, for my kids sake. I don't even know this man or his family but yet I feel for them and it brings tears to my eyes and that awful pain that you feel in your heart and throat. I guess its because I put myself in that position and imagine how my loved ones would react. It truly does scare me to think that even with so much time in recovery that one can still feel that pain. It's a reminder to me to get in deeper to my program. Even when I'm in that dark place I know I don't want to die; I just want the pain to stop. But I don't want that pain to be transferred to my kids.

brokenheartfool

This was my thought then saw it already posted. People are fragile...so much more fragile than we give ourselves credit for. And yes, I do mean credit. If we weren't so fragile, we would be mean survival of the fittest animals all the time.
Our fragility is what makes us have compassion. It is not to be scoffed at. It is to be embraced. Tears are not a weakness. Fragility is not a weakness, it is a strength to be able to be compassionate, caring, loving.

The story of that couple is so very sad. It could have turned out so differently probably with more understanding between them. But that understanding didn't happen.
I had a friend recently threaten to kill himself, and mean it. That day changed my life---FOREVER. I promised to set aside anger as a coping mechanism for the rest of my life, and I mean it, no matter how difficult a struggle it is going to be.
There is always another answer besides suicide. And there is always another answer besides anger.
A few days later, I was thinking about the possibility of ending my own life as my divorce was finalized. Never had that thought before. Never really considered it. Just the thought that it was a possible answer to my despair gave me something I never had before--understanding for those who have considered it before I did, and those that will consider it after I did.

My new knowledge is this--no matter what henious crime someone has committed, no matter how selfish their actions, I will never react in such a way that I will ever contribute to the feelings of despair that another human being might have. Behind every judgment on another person is a person in pain.
Let others cast stones. I am learning to scale them down to pebbles.

TakingCharge999

I am sorry to hear this and am sending my prayers ((hugs))

Freedom, I am so sorry about your AD. May God show light on her path.

FormerDoormat

Yes, you're right. Some people reach long-term sobriety and go on to lead healthy, productive lives, but most people don't. How very sad for this young man, his family, and all those whose lives he touched.

vida

Very sorry to hear so much dying going on around you.
I myself hate the vulnerbility in getting to know people. Tragedy can happen either self induced or not.
prayers sent

Jadmack25

My prayers for this young man, his stunned family and friends. As you know, my best friend lost her son 2 years ago when he hanged himself, and she just seemed to get "herself" back again, when her 38 year old daughter became sick. Diagnosed with an inoperable pancreatic tumor, she was told she had maybe 12 to 18 months, but this week it has been seen as so aggressive the life expected is 3 to 6 months.

My heart bleeds for people who face death due to terminal illnesses, and then it bleeds again, at the sheer bloody waste when someone decides to end theirs, when there is no terminal condition involved. Lord knows the youth suicide is horrendous here and people are perplexed at why.

I can do prayer and hand over to Him, who can do all things.

24hrsAday

you Know barb.. no matter what the Stats say.. i just don't look at it that way. if i stay sober the rest of my life is up to just one person.. and that person is me! freedom1990 sorry to hear about your Loss..

Freedom1990

You have no idea how much this touched my heart. Thank you.

yeahgr8

Actually it is up to God, the only "control" we have is how we react to life...if we can get that down we could all recover and live happy lives whether it be alchoholism or co-dependency or whatever...but i do see your point:-)

Thanks for sharing Freedom!

24hrsAday

Does God pick up the Drink or Do "I" pick up the Drink?

Freedom1990

Would our time be better spent arguing, or keeping this family in our thoughts and prayers?