Kindeyes

I was reading some posts today and thinking about forgiveness. I have a wonderful piece on forgiveness that my therapist gave me and I thought I would share it.

Forgiveness

What forgiveness is....

Forgiveness is a process by which we let go of past hurts caused by ourselves or others in order to experience deep healing and move forward.

Forgiveness takes power away from an offender and returns power to the individual who was hurt.

Forgiveness is an action that is within our control. Changing another person, or the past, is not within our control.

In a sense, forgiveness is the only way of changing the past. It cannot change what happened in the past but it can change how we feel about the past.

Forgiveness is an act of compassion.

What forgiveness is not....

A substitute for grieving

Forgetting

Condoning

Denying

Not just for religious people

Not for or about the other person

Not a substitute for fair punishment or protection from further harm.

How does one forgive?

Keep in mind that it is more a process of the heart not of the mind. There is not really a linear set of steps to be followed.

1. Get very clear on what it is and it is not: not condoning; not forgetting; not denying.

2. Realize it is a choice--a choice to let go of past pain.

3. Have the courage to accept personal responsibility for the part that is within your control---for holding onto the past (not for causing or inviting the pain initially).

4. Proceed unconditionally -- regardless of the outcome and without needing to understand their reasons.

5. Remember it is NOT about the other person--they might never know, probably won't change, might not even care. Forgiveness is a compassionate act toward oneself.

6. Guide yourself though the forgiveness process by speaking through meditation, prayer or guided imagery. It helps to imagine the person you are forgiving, and to see yourself offering them forgiveness (this person can be yourself). You can use statements like "I now release this past hurt from causing me any more pain.", "I now forgive you for what you did to me.", "I no longer allow what you did in the past to hurt me now.", "I offer you forgiveness, love and compassion.". For some people it is helpful to tag statements like "even though what you did was wrong and hurtful" or "even though it caused me great pain". "I now choose to stop the cycle of pain. I offer you forgiveness instead of resentment, I offer you love instead of hatred, I offer you compassion instead of condemnation". It helps to repeat these statements over and over and over while you try to actually imagine yourself offering them forgiveness, love, and compassion.

7. Expect the act of forgiveness to be a very emotional experience.

8. Expect to have to continue to forgive over time.

************************************************** *

This has helped me. Just thought I would share and hope it helps someone else here too.

gentle hugs

summer017

Thank you for sharing this!
I definitely agree with everything in it. Forgiveness is taking the power back. When you allow yourself to stay angry, you are allowing another person to have control over your emotions. Forgiveness is freeing.


I can't help but attach these little snippets...

And I thought of all the bad luck,
And the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you....

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again
I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness.....

There are people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down and hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; life goes on
You keep carrying that anger, it'll eat you inside

I've been tryin' to get down to the Heart of the Matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness
Forgiveness.....



Thanks kindeyes!
xoxo
Summer

SaraW

Don Henley said it all....good stuff

Chino

8. Expect to have to continue to forgive over time.

How true! I thought I hadn't truly forgiven when anger would come back, but I learned that sometimes it's a process that has to repeated many times.

Ann

I've heard it said that forgiveness is the antidote to resentments.

Resentments will eat me alive, but once I can forgive and let go of the pain attached, I feel peace and no longer give rent-free space in my mind to negative thoughts.

Thanks for this reminder, Kindeyes.

Hugs

Nerdgirl

I was so sick with resentment - for a long time. It was terrible, I called it "my cancer" because it was a cancer of my spirit. I thank God every day since I felt the dark clouds pull away from me. I sometimes can feel the clouds trying to move in again - but I push back now

Forgiveness is so important, thank you for starting this lovely thread kindeyes

Sunshine2

I have read once that forgiveness is letting go of the stories you play in your mind. Switching the tape recorder off that is on repeat. It works for me.