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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 66
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I have been doing pretty well, reading all the recommended books and really seeing that I need to recover for myself.
Still no word from AXBF, it's been a week today. I still have all of his things here but I guess he can't come get it if he doesn't have anywhere to live.
I got a call (voicemail) from his boss today. Basically that they were looking for him to see if he still wanted to work for them and that he needed to call by the end of the day today or he'd be out of a job. I told his step mom and she told me I had to find him and let him know. Weak me took it as a sign to try and locate him. I called the cell he had for work but it is not turned on. His other cell was one on my plan and I shut the sim card off. I texted one of his "friends" and told them if the talked to him that he needs to call his job. Then his best friend called me (they don't actually talk anymore due to the addiction and things that have happened) and asked if I had talked to him. I told him no and he said he was going to look for him today to tell him YET again to clean up his life.
I know I should not care, let go and I am stopping myself at this. I am not trying to find him anymore about this job situation. He is a grown adult, he knew how hard he had to work to get this job in the first place. We live in a small town and everyone knows about his problems. This guy gave him a chance to clean up his act and have a good job again. If he loses this one it is doubtful anyone around here will hire him again. He is hitting rock bottom finally I think. I'm not sure if it's his rock bottom or not but he is technically homeless, no job and just living for the drug now. Makes me sad, makes me angry......I feel so bad for his kids. They do not know and may never know the man that I knew before. The man that really DID care about them and acted like it not just said it. His oldest has a really well adjusted mother and step father and lives a few hours away. He has not been subjected to the craziness in about 3-4 months. His youngest children live locally and their mother and I don't get along (other issues). They are subjected to so much crazy. After reading a lot of what I have read so far I really think their mother could benefit from reading it too. She is really codependent as well which is part of our problem with each other, we are both codependents having a power struggle with the same addict! He manipulates and plays us both and has for years. Man, that just came to me and was very eye opening!
Still no word from AXBF, it's been a week today. I still have all of his things here but I guess he can't come get it if he doesn't have anywhere to live.
I got a call (voicemail) from his boss today. Basically that they were looking for him to see if he still wanted to work for them and that he needed to call by the end of the day today or he'd be out of a job. I told his step mom and she told me I had to find him and let him know. Weak me took it as a sign to try and locate him. I called the cell he had for work but it is not turned on. His other cell was one on my plan and I shut the sim card off. I texted one of his "friends" and told them if the talked to him that he needs to call his job. Then his best friend called me (they don't actually talk anymore due to the addiction and things that have happened) and asked if I had talked to him. I told him no and he said he was going to look for him today to tell him YET again to clean up his life.
I know I should not care, let go and I am stopping myself at this. I am not trying to find him anymore about this job situation. He is a grown adult, he knew how hard he had to work to get this job in the first place. We live in a small town and everyone knows about his problems. This guy gave him a chance to clean up his act and have a good job again. If he loses this one it is doubtful anyone around here will hire him again. He is hitting rock bottom finally I think. I'm not sure if it's his rock bottom or not but he is technically homeless, no job and just living for the drug now. Makes me sad, makes me angry......I feel so bad for his kids. They do not know and may never know the man that I knew before. The man that really DID care about them and acted like it not just said it. His oldest has a really well adjusted mother and step father and lives a few hours away. He has not been subjected to the craziness in about 3-4 months. His youngest children live locally and their mother and I don't get along (other issues). They are subjected to so much crazy. After reading a lot of what I have read so far I really think their mother could benefit from reading it too. She is really codependent as well which is part of our problem with each other, we are both codependents having a power struggle with the same addict! He manipulates and plays us both and has for years. Man, that just came to me and was very eye opening!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Good for you on recognizing he is an adult, and it's up to him to take care/not take care of the current job situation.
I suggest not staying in contact with his stepmom anymore.
Pray for his kids, take care of yourself, and continue forward in your own recovery.
I suggest not staying in contact with his stepmom anymore.
Pray for his kids, take care of yourself, and continue forward in your own recovery.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 66
I know cutting everyone off that has anything to do with him should be the right thing but I can't do that. We live in a small town and his step mom and I are actually friends. That was/is a big problem with me and him, he didn't like me talking to her or his dad. Her and I talk about everything and anything. Plus it a small town and most people I know here have are somehow connected to him in one way or another. The downfalls of a small town!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 457
I live in a small town too, everyone knows us both so I understand. But it can get to a point that it takes a toll on you trying to fix it. I decided to step back, if anyone asks about him I just say I dont know. people seem to understand and respect me. there are some who want to gossip so I dont try to be around them. I basically keep to my daily routine..
my brother once said to me "fly under the radar, dont go running around with your mouth going"...that was good advice..people often dwell on gossip. we certainly dont need that in our lives ontop of our situation.
most importantly you have to take care of yourself and live your life..
my brother once said to me "fly under the radar, dont go running around with your mouth going"...that was good advice..people often dwell on gossip. we certainly dont need that in our lives ontop of our situation.
most importantly you have to take care of yourself and live your life..
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 138
Staying in contact with the people closest to him is an unconcious way of keeping your self entangled!!! I was doing the same thing. If I held on to them, then i still had a connection to him.... WRONG! This did nothing to keep him, help him...what ever...It just kept me hopelessly connected to the past. The past.....!!!!! Move on. I stay by myself as much as possible now...and believe me it has been strange and uncomfortable for me as I have NEVER been alone!!!!!!! I am for the first time in my life relying on myself and learning to be with me and me alone for a while. I work and read, lol thats about it for now! But I know that if I sit quietly for a while my HP will lead me to where I need to go. I have not done a good job so its time to settle down and let my HP take the lead.....we'll see how it goes, I have faith!!!!
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