Day 2 blues
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 36
Day 2 blues
Hi everyone.
It's really getting to me that I relapsed nearly 2 weeks in when I last decided to quit.
Having regained some control back in my life, I felt I could control my drinking again. The desire and intensity to stop was dappened, and I sucumbed.
I felt quite good for a few weeks, drinking every day but relatively moderate amounts. Deep down I knew I was getting nowhere, and this became increasingly obvious as I realised I couldn't go without each evening. Despite drinking almost double what I had been before (now 80-100 units per week), I was telling myself everything was fine because I wasn't getting drunk. For me, I'm fine up to about a bottle or so. Then on Tuesday I stayed up until 05:00 and got through 3 bottles of wine on top of lager, and the next day it was clear to me that I was as hopelessly addicted as ever.
I know I need to go a bit 'deeper' with my recovery this time to succeed. I don't know if that makes sense, but I feel I only scratched the surface last time. There is something very strong inside me that causes me to drink as I do, and unless I can defeat this then I fear it will get the better of me again. My will to stop is strong, but the drinker inside me is also very strong (and cunning). I need to show more respect to this, this time around. I thought I had finally overcome it, but then within weeks it's hold on me was stronger than ever; I can only see this now.
To those who have managed a recovery and those still trying in earnest, you are a great source of inspiration.
It's really getting to me that I relapsed nearly 2 weeks in when I last decided to quit.
Having regained some control back in my life, I felt I could control my drinking again. The desire and intensity to stop was dappened, and I sucumbed.
I felt quite good for a few weeks, drinking every day but relatively moderate amounts. Deep down I knew I was getting nowhere, and this became increasingly obvious as I realised I couldn't go without each evening. Despite drinking almost double what I had been before (now 80-100 units per week), I was telling myself everything was fine because I wasn't getting drunk. For me, I'm fine up to about a bottle or so. Then on Tuesday I stayed up until 05:00 and got through 3 bottles of wine on top of lager, and the next day it was clear to me that I was as hopelessly addicted as ever.
I know I need to go a bit 'deeper' with my recovery this time to succeed. I don't know if that makes sense, but I feel I only scratched the surface last time. There is something very strong inside me that causes me to drink as I do, and unless I can defeat this then I fear it will get the better of me again. My will to stop is strong, but the drinker inside me is also very strong (and cunning). I need to show more respect to this, this time around. I thought I had finally overcome it, but then within weeks it's hold on me was stronger than ever; I can only see this now.
To those who have managed a recovery and those still trying in earnest, you are a great source of inspiration.
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
The first days are very hard! Alcohol is truly toxic and while I absolutely agree that there are inner forces that propel us to self-desctruction... don't discount the power of the toxin itself to put you on the trajectory of madness.
In sobriety I literally feel like I have my mind back. I have no doubt that if I started to drink again I'd descend back into the horrors of the obsession. But simply 'not drinking' gives me the power to strengthen and build a life worth living. And with that strength I'm learning what drove me mad in the first place
Hang in there Stuart and keep posting!
In sobriety I literally feel like I have my mind back. I have no doubt that if I started to drink again I'd descend back into the horrors of the obsession. But simply 'not drinking' gives me the power to strengthen and build a life worth living. And with that strength I'm learning what drove me mad in the first place
Hang in there Stuart and keep posting!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Hi Stuart, I had years of days 1, 2, 3...seemed like every Sunday or Monday as I lay in bed with a horrible hangover I'd say never again, but usually by Wednesday I'd decide that just 1 or 2 glasses of wine would be fine. I could on occassion just have 1 or 2 glasses but then a few days later or a week later it would be 1-2 bottles of wine in just a couple of hours at home alone... so I had to accept that I just can't drink not 1 sip ever and once I accepted that I began to recover. You can succeed.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Up, Up and Away
Posts: 434
Hey Stuart,
Many of us, including me, had more relapses than we like to admit. The continuing relapses showed me that just saying, "no more drinking" wasn't enough. I needed help to quit.
It pained me to realize that I couldn't stop on my own because I always thought I could do whatever I put my mind to. But I found that there is more to staying stopped than just mental willpower.
There are a lot of sources for help, and since you have been here for a couple of months, I'll guess that you are familiar with them. I wish the best for you. Keep posting and working and you will get there. If it was easy, none of us would be here.
Many of us, including me, had more relapses than we like to admit. The continuing relapses showed me that just saying, "no more drinking" wasn't enough. I needed help to quit.
It pained me to realize that I couldn't stop on my own because I always thought I could do whatever I put my mind to. But I found that there is more to staying stopped than just mental willpower.
There are a lot of sources for help, and since you have been here for a couple of months, I'll guess that you are familiar with them. I wish the best for you. Keep posting and working and you will get there. If it was easy, none of us would be here.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,782
The first few days are physically rough, and after the initial detox is over it's your mind you have to deal with cause it will tell you it's ok to have 'just a few'... and it's not ok and never will be ok.
Have you tried any recovery programs like AA, SMART, or any of the others? Might be worth a good try. I've been in counseling with my addiction counselor for three years now and it's a huge help to me, not just in staying sober but in dealing with my life itself, my feelings, my reactions. Maybe counseling could do you some good. Check into it if you can. Can't hurt and might just help.
Have you tried any recovery programs like AA, SMART, or any of the others? Might be worth a good try. I've been in counseling with my addiction counselor for three years now and it's a huge help to me, not just in staying sober but in dealing with my life itself, my feelings, my reactions. Maybe counseling could do you some good. Check into it if you can. Can't hurt and might just help.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,443
Hi Stuart
Yes I'm another one that would go straight back to the bottle as soon as I felt 'good'.
For me I needed to do far more than just 'not drinking' I needed to look at my life, and at myself and look at the underlying reasons that bought me to drinking in the first place - and what factors where keeping me there.
Like least said, many find a programme like AA or SMART helps them with this process, others find therapy and counselling beneficial.
I also found helping others here and reconnecting with my spiritual side was helpful in changing my life and my outlook.
You'll get a lot of other ideas here I'm sure too, Stuart
D
Yes I'm another one that would go straight back to the bottle as soon as I felt 'good'.
For me I needed to do far more than just 'not drinking' I needed to look at my life, and at myself and look at the underlying reasons that bought me to drinking in the first place - and what factors where keeping me there.
Like least said, many find a programme like AA or SMART helps them with this process, others find therapy and counselling beneficial.
I also found helping others here and reconnecting with my spiritual side was helpful in changing my life and my outlook.
You'll get a lot of other ideas here I'm sure too, Stuart
D
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