is amazed...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: nc
Posts: 20
is amazed...
....at my AD's ability, to make me feel like complete and total crap! You would think she has a PH'd in mind control!! I took a call from her tonight, while i was at work none the less...and wow. Just WOW!!!
Before i knew it, i realized i was standing there crying, and listening to my daughter yell at me, use language my mama would beat my hiney for...and blame me, yet again, for all her problems.
It's my fault she is in jail. I should of just got her into treatment. ...never mind the fact she smoked crack and banged the night before, and was locked in the bathroom, only a few hours before she went to jail using.....yeah, treatment was no where on her mind.
She hates me, and so do all of her friends. ....funny, because several of her "clean" friends, have called me and told me i did the right thing. I'm sure her dirty friends do hate me, ...i cut off there money supply. How generous my young one is. She makes tons of money at that nasty job. Never does she have to party alone!!
If i get her a bed at ABC treatment center, they will release her to go....well, she went to ABC treatment center already. 28 short days later, she was out and ready to go. I will admit, she had 6 months clean time after that. The longest she has ever been clean since the age of 13. 6 mnths one week later, not so much. I contribute that clean time more so because her boyfriend OD and died, his body them dumped in a local state park, to be found by random people enjoying there day. For once i saw fear in her eyes for her own life.
And she says, I should be happy now, because i have gotten what I wanted. I don't have to worry about her. She is where I "want" her to be. ....funny thing, i don't recall one day of my life, wishing my daugher would grow up, become a junkie, and go to jail.
Soooo....i once again, told her I loved her, and then hung up the phone on her. I have decided not to take any calls from her for at least the next week. At least let her get thru detox, so I am not speaking to a pissed off/withdrawing person. I'm sure she will still be mad, but i have detoxed her at home more than once, and it aint pretty....and she aint happy. Least of all with me.
So, the decision I made today for my sanity....no more phone calls. No getting yelled at this week.....Will re-evaluate next week.
Before i knew it, i realized i was standing there crying, and listening to my daughter yell at me, use language my mama would beat my hiney for...and blame me, yet again, for all her problems.
It's my fault she is in jail. I should of just got her into treatment. ...never mind the fact she smoked crack and banged the night before, and was locked in the bathroom, only a few hours before she went to jail using.....yeah, treatment was no where on her mind.
She hates me, and so do all of her friends. ....funny, because several of her "clean" friends, have called me and told me i did the right thing. I'm sure her dirty friends do hate me, ...i cut off there money supply. How generous my young one is. She makes tons of money at that nasty job. Never does she have to party alone!!
If i get her a bed at ABC treatment center, they will release her to go....well, she went to ABC treatment center already. 28 short days later, she was out and ready to go. I will admit, she had 6 months clean time after that. The longest she has ever been clean since the age of 13. 6 mnths one week later, not so much. I contribute that clean time more so because her boyfriend OD and died, his body them dumped in a local state park, to be found by random people enjoying there day. For once i saw fear in her eyes for her own life.
And she says, I should be happy now, because i have gotten what I wanted. I don't have to worry about her. She is where I "want" her to be. ....funny thing, i don't recall one day of my life, wishing my daugher would grow up, become a junkie, and go to jail.
Soooo....i once again, told her I loved her, and then hung up the phone on her. I have decided not to take any calls from her for at least the next week. At least let her get thru detox, so I am not speaking to a pissed off/withdrawing person. I'm sure she will still be mad, but i have detoxed her at home more than once, and it aint pretty....and she aint happy. Least of all with me.
So, the decision I made today for my sanity....no more phone calls. No getting yelled at this week.....Will re-evaluate next week.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
I am sorry your going through this my A always tells me when he is in jail that I got what I wanted also. He is clueless as to what I want. I must admit when he is there I can sleep better.
I am glad you were able to set a boundary for yourself, you defiently do not deserve this type treatment and you did the right thing.
Hugs,
I am glad you were able to set a boundary for yourself, you defiently do not deserve this type treatment and you did the right thing.
Hugs,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: nc
Posts: 20
I will admit i do feel a weird kind of "peace" knowing she is there. She isn't on the street, and she isn't using. Two things i am sure of. Unfortunatly, i am a professional worrier!! So, now i worry if anything bad is happening to her in jail...I have never been there...have no clue what's it like. I just keep getting the bad tv dramas in my head of all the stuff that goes on there. Like i said...Professional Worrier...i should have business cards printed i am so good at it!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
Well...where to start? You are her emotional punching bag.Why? Who else would listen to that cr@$.As for her friends..my experience was as my daughter sunk deeper and deeper into her addiction (I am sure robbing her friends blind, borrowing and not repaying, lying, etc.) even they got disgusted with her.And in a way it was the best thing that could've happened because she was willing to go to a sober living 2 hours away and start over. I think you are doing the right thing by giving it a little time.If I hear the disease talking, I hang up.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
tangerinegirl
I am so very sorry that you are dealing with this. The things that come out of an addicts mouth can be very toxic.
Until I started to work the steps, my mind and soul were damaged by those toxic words spewed at me by my AS. I am only on Step 3 and I am finding tremendous peace and periods of time that I am free from the obsessive worry. I'm finally "getting it". And it helps.
You are handling things well. You are not listening to her disease saying things that you never believed could come out of someone you love so very much.
My prayers will be with you and your daughter. This is a very tough time for you. Be gentle and kind to yourself. Do something just for you to get your mind off of your girl for a little while.
gentle hugs from one mother to another
I am so very sorry that you are dealing with this. The things that come out of an addicts mouth can be very toxic.
Until I started to work the steps, my mind and soul were damaged by those toxic words spewed at me by my AS. I am only on Step 3 and I am finding tremendous peace and periods of time that I am free from the obsessive worry. I'm finally "getting it". And it helps.
You are handling things well. You are not listening to her disease saying things that you never believed could come out of someone you love so very much.
My prayers will be with you and your daughter. This is a very tough time for you. Be gentle and kind to yourself. Do something just for you to get your mind off of your girl for a little while.
gentle hugs from one mother to another
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in my own world~
Posts: 1,237
Sounds like a healthy plan to me. Not accepting calls will save you from the hurt and saddness. Sometimes we just have to do for ourselves. Step away and give your daughter some room to be angry alone. It'll come out in her counsel sessions and she can share with someone else.....hugs and take it easy. Bonnie
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
