Learning to Wait - Language of Letting Go
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Learning to Wait - Language of Letting Go
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Learning to Wait
I've started to realize that waiting is an art, that waiting achieves things. Waiting can be very, very powerful. Time is a valuable thing. If you can wait two years, you can sometimes achieve something that you could not achieve today, however hard you worked, however much money you threw up in the air, however many times you banged your head against the wall. . .
—The Courage to Change by Dennis Wholey
The people who are most successful at living and loving are those who can learn to wait successfully. Not many people enjoy waiting or learning patience. Yet, waiting can be a powerful tool that will help us accomplish much good.
We cannot always have what we want when we want it. For different reasons, what we want to do, have, be, or accomplish is not available to us now. But there are things we could not do or have today, no matter what, that we can have in the future. Today, we would make ourselves crazy trying to accomplish what will come naturally and with ease later.
We can trust that all is on schedule. Waiting time is not wasted time. Something is being worked out - in us, in someone else, in the Universe.
We don't have to put our life on hold while we wait. We can direct our attention elsewhere; we can practice acceptance and gratitude in the interim; we can trust that we do have a life to live while we are waiting - then we go about living it.
Deal with your frustration and impatience, but learn how to wait. The old saying, "You can't always get what you want" isn't entirely true. Often, in life, we can get what we want - especially the desires of our heart - if we can learn to wait.
Today, I am willing to learn the art of patience. If I am feeling powerless because I am waiting for something to happen and I am not in control of timing, I will focus on the power available to me by learning to wait.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Learning to Wait
I've started to realize that waiting is an art, that waiting achieves things. Waiting can be very, very powerful. Time is a valuable thing. If you can wait two years, you can sometimes achieve something that you could not achieve today, however hard you worked, however much money you threw up in the air, however many times you banged your head against the wall. . .
—The Courage to Change by Dennis Wholey
The people who are most successful at living and loving are those who can learn to wait successfully. Not many people enjoy waiting or learning patience. Yet, waiting can be a powerful tool that will help us accomplish much good.
We cannot always have what we want when we want it. For different reasons, what we want to do, have, be, or accomplish is not available to us now. But there are things we could not do or have today, no matter what, that we can have in the future. Today, we would make ourselves crazy trying to accomplish what will come naturally and with ease later.
We can trust that all is on schedule. Waiting time is not wasted time. Something is being worked out - in us, in someone else, in the Universe.
We don't have to put our life on hold while we wait. We can direct our attention elsewhere; we can practice acceptance and gratitude in the interim; we can trust that we do have a life to live while we are waiting - then we go about living it.
Deal with your frustration and impatience, but learn how to wait. The old saying, "You can't always get what you want" isn't entirely true. Often, in life, we can get what we want - especially the desires of our heart - if we can learn to wait.
Today, I am willing to learn the art of patience. If I am feeling powerless because I am waiting for something to happen and I am not in control of timing, I will focus on the power available to me by learning to wait.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
We don't have to put our life on hold while we wait. We can direct our attention elsewhere; we can practice acceptance and gratitude in the interim; we can trust that we do have a life to live while we are waiting - then we go about living it.
Something that helped me was faith. If I had faith that the road ahead would bring good things, I didn't have to know where or when. I just trusted that it would. And then I'd wait patiently.
If I had faith that I could achieve something, I would pray on it, try my best and then wait. When the time was right, I achieved.
I love this reading today, that's why I brought it here.
Waiting is an action, it's learning when to wait and when to move on. Time usually brings us the answer.
Hugs
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Land of "The Wire"
Posts: 15
That's exactly what I needed to read and remind myself of right now, right at this moment. I was feeling kind of desperate and very impatient but now I'm going to choose to focus my attention elsewhere.
Ann, did you have a lot of faith before your relationship with an addict, or did it come later? I'm trying to remember how to pray right now.
Ann, did you have a lot of faith before your relationship with an addict, or did it come later? I'm trying to remember how to pray right now.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
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Ann
Thank you for sharing this today. I've been extremely impatient lately about several things. The impatience leads to anxiety. It's a vicious cycle.
I need to fill my time with things that will prepare me for the future....whatever it may bring and whenever it may happen.
And keeping myself busy is the key.
thanks again for sharing that tidbit.....
gentle hugs
Thank you for sharing this today. I've been extremely impatient lately about several things. The impatience leads to anxiety. It's a vicious cycle.
I need to fill my time with things that will prepare me for the future....whatever it may bring and whenever it may happen.
And keeping myself busy is the key.
thanks again for sharing that tidbit.....
gentle hugs
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
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Posts: 60,328
Originally Posted by somethingsimple 
Ann, did you have a lot of faith before your relationship with an addict, or did it come later?
I'm trying to remember how to pray right now.
I'm trying to remember how to pray right now.
not helping me or my son, and for not doing what I asked.
As it turned out, God was waiting for me to let go, for me to surrender to His will and to trust that He loved all His children, even his addiction ones.
Remembering how to pray was hard for me too. So I just started "talking" to God like an old friend who was there to listen.
It wasn't long before God began working in my life and I have had faith ever since that I will be led to where I am supposed to be.
Hope that helps.
Hugs
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Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Missouri
Posts: 80
Ann,
Waiting has never been easy for me.
I am just now coming back to God, I was away for a very long time, I was angry to, you know all the whys, why my brother, a long time ago, you told me that God loved addicts, I thank you for that so much, because I just didnt know, I didnt know if God could still want him, how sad a thought.
But now I know my brother is with God and he is watching over us, we have his little girl now, there comes the waiting part.
My mom is going to be her legal guardian soon, we have been going through this process now for almost a year, the longest year ever, but I have learned to become patient because nothing hurries up courts, learning to calm down and just wait. I am not perfect at it, but it does feel good when you know you dont have to try to control it cause you cant anyway!!!!
I was learning that before my brother died, but really hadnt gotten there all the way, so now I have to just remind myself that while waiting is hard, its something we just have to do.
hugs to you all,
Lisa
(sisofD)
Waiting has never been easy for me.
I am just now coming back to God, I was away for a very long time, I was angry to, you know all the whys, why my brother, a long time ago, you told me that God loved addicts, I thank you for that so much, because I just didnt know, I didnt know if God could still want him, how sad a thought.
But now I know my brother is with God and he is watching over us, we have his little girl now, there comes the waiting part.
My mom is going to be her legal guardian soon, we have been going through this process now for almost a year, the longest year ever, but I have learned to become patient because nothing hurries up courts, learning to calm down and just wait. I am not perfect at it, but it does feel good when you know you dont have to try to control it cause you cant anyway!!!!
I was learning that before my brother died, but really hadnt gotten there all the way, so now I have to just remind myself that while waiting is hard, its something we just have to do.
hugs to you all,
Lisa
(sisofD)
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
Posts: 1,250
Thank you so much for this. It is making me cry. I didn't know I had such patience in me. I want to be successful at loving. To do it in such a way that doesn't hurt him or myself. So far I have been doing a fairly good job (pats self on back!). But the sadness and lonliness creep in as I wait. Wait and wait some more.
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
SisterofD, I remember your brother and I have faith today that he rests with God and is watching over you and his child.
I think that sometimes waiting is necessary to process the grief, whether we lose our loved ones to death or to addiction. It takes time before we are reading for the next chapter in our lives. The adoption of this child may be done with more certainty and peace, having waited until the time was right and the courts were ready.
Sometimes we wait so we can regain our footing before we move on. It may seem forever, but it can be a healing time, or a time of growth and when we feel stronger and ready, I think we just "know" that it's time to move forward.
For me, as a raging codie, I was used to living on adrenaline rushes. It's the only way I could keep up with my insanity. So waiting today, learning to have patience and just pause to reflect my motives, my dreams and my path...all this helps me keep my balance along the way.
This has been an interesting thread for me. It's good to see that others have struggled with waiting just as I have. That's not such a bad thing for any of us, yes?
Hugs
I think that sometimes waiting is necessary to process the grief, whether we lose our loved ones to death or to addiction. It takes time before we are reading for the next chapter in our lives. The adoption of this child may be done with more certainty and peace, having waited until the time was right and the courts were ready.
Sometimes we wait so we can regain our footing before we move on. It may seem forever, but it can be a healing time, or a time of growth and when we feel stronger and ready, I think we just "know" that it's time to move forward.
For me, as a raging codie, I was used to living on adrenaline rushes. It's the only way I could keep up with my insanity. So waiting today, learning to have patience and just pause to reflect my motives, my dreams and my path...all this helps me keep my balance along the way.
This has been an interesting thread for me. It's good to see that others have struggled with waiting just as I have. That's not such a bad thing for any of us, yes?
Hugs
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Georgia
Posts: 15
Hi Ann,
Your post probably grabbed me in a way that no other one has as yet. It's a very powerful concept ... waiting. I literally was at the point a while back of making a crossroads decision, but it would've been made out of desperation and impatience. I just stopped, prayed and really listened. God gently said, "just wait."
Many times in my life I felt I didn't do enough. When I'm in a total panic, I find it impossible to pray and listen. Since watching my otherwise healthy husband die unexpectedly in a matter of days, I've had much time to reflect during grief. Did I do enough? Did I do the right things? Much time and reflection has taught me that if the Drs. didn't even know what to do, how could I? However, for quite some time, my mind became a trap in which I cycled over and over thru the event, each time trying to "fix" it, when it can't be done.
However, now faced with an AD, I want to act ... fix this thing. I know I can't. I believe the nature of the disease gives us a sense of urgency. It's a moving target, and sometimes we feel like we have a good aim and need to take a shot.
Thank you
Your post probably grabbed me in a way that no other one has as yet. It's a very powerful concept ... waiting. I literally was at the point a while back of making a crossroads decision, but it would've been made out of desperation and impatience. I just stopped, prayed and really listened. God gently said, "just wait."
Many times in my life I felt I didn't do enough. When I'm in a total panic, I find it impossible to pray and listen. Since watching my otherwise healthy husband die unexpectedly in a matter of days, I've had much time to reflect during grief. Did I do enough? Did I do the right things? Much time and reflection has taught me that if the Drs. didn't even know what to do, how could I? However, for quite some time, my mind became a trap in which I cycled over and over thru the event, each time trying to "fix" it, when it can't be done.
However, now faced with an AD, I want to act ... fix this thing. I know I can't. I believe the nature of the disease gives us a sense of urgency. It's a moving target, and sometimes we feel like we have a good aim and need to take a shot.
Thank you
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I believe the nature of the disease gives us a sense of urgency. It's a moving target, and sometimes we feel like we have a good aim and need to take a shot.
Perhaps if I had waited more back then, my life would have unfolded differently. I might have been wiser sooner.
A lesson learned late is still a good lesson, so I won't look back but instead keep looking ahead. Someone here once said "Don't look back, you're not going there." Wise words that I need to remember often.
Hugs to all the waiters today. Patience is the gift of time and balance, a gift I embrace whenever I can.
Hugs
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: nc
Posts: 3
I have not been much a patient person nor do I wait well..You are so right about letting go..I have not ever been able to do that unless forced to. I let go today..my husband has relapsed after just getting off of parole..i knew it may happen but just not so soon. it blindsided me..he was 500 miles away the last time I talked to him..I have not heard from him since. It hurts but i am not trying to call him anymore, no text messages..took down his pictures so I dont have to see his face. I love him with everything that I have..but I have to let go..cuz I cannot fix it or him. I can only keep myself from self destructing. The last thing I said to him by text was..i am not going to call you or text you anymore, I love you very much and if you need me you know where I am. Though the pain is great..my heart is broken...but I will be ok because God gives me strength..
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: new york
Posts: 227
Thank you Ann! I've done some soul searching the past year and your post is so true! Having faith and being patient is the key. I've learned that trusting that God has my best interest in his hands and will give me what I need, but only when I am ready for it. I let go of the steering wheel and now trust...and wait. I haven't been on this site in awhile but I'm glad I came on tonight. Your post was exactly what I needed today. 
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