wasyas

Hello I am new here. My husband is currently in a 35 day inpatient treatment for a pain pill addiction. I am just wondering what I can do to prepare myself for when he returns.

Kindeyes

Hey there wasyas
If the rehab has family programs and you are able, go to them. When my son was in inpatient, those programs that involved the families were the starting point for my own recovery. They taught me that his recovery belonged to HIM not to me (and that I had my own work to do on me). Perhaps talking to his counselor at the center would be a good idea. He/she will be able to guide you and advise you on how best to prepare yourself for your husbands return home after inpatient.

And stick around SR....there are a lot of people who have been down a path similar to yours.

gentle hugs

infiniti

The most important thing in which I was remiss when my xbf got out of rehab was that I didn't get involved in alanon or nar-anon. I foolishly thought that recovery was all on him, and didn't take to heart the phrase "addiction is a family disease". I didn't think there was anything wrong with me, although I had previously enabled him, lied for him and tolerated his bad behaviors and decisions. I did stop doing all that and put him into rehab, but thought that was where my responsibility to him and his recovery ended. We should have gotten couples counseling, I should have been more in tune with his recovery and I was not.

Since we have broken up, I realize where I went wrong. My only advice to you is to get involved and change aspects of your thinking so that you can realize that once an addicted person goes into active recovery, the loved ones have a responsibility to assist in that so that their previous behaviors, which can be triggers, are changed as well.

Good luck to you and to your husband on both your continued recovery.

keepinon

I too reccomend Alanon..its not over when they come home..recovery is just starting. Keeping out of their recovery is SO hard, but alanon can help with those boundaries. It's the best gift you can give your recovering loved one (and yourself!)

wasyas

Thanks everyone, I just found a alanon near my house, and will be going every week until he returns. I guess i am just worried that I'm still mad at him. I am in the process of cleaning up around the house and doing some things that need to be done, and keep finding more and more things around the house missing, which he had taken before he went to rehab to support his addiction, and it makes me mad. Not to mention the facility that he is at is nicer than vacations that i have been on.

I spoke with my husband today and he told me they had lobster for dinner and he was actually having fun......he is on the third day of detoxing and he is having fun!?!?

I know i should be happy that he is happy, but the day he decided he was going into rehab is the day that he left me here at home with 1.10 in the bank and a two month old to take care of. I dont know if him being gone for 35 days is enough time for me to take care of what i am dealing with. Insurance is paying for the rehab facility that he is at enjoying lobster and im here eating pb and j.

So i guess is it ok to be mad, he is getting help and he is doing it himself, and for himself, but i have read on here that when people come back and are trying to live sober that it is still all about them....the addiction was all about him and the recovery is all about him, is this true?

keepinon

Their recovery is about them..your recovery is about you.BTW I have super resentment against my AD who went to 2 rehabs..one was in Malibu and like a vacay. My husband and I worked our a**es off at home to pay for them. All the lies, money, heartbreak is still there to deal with ..and you will..but you will do it day by day. I feel for you honey..I was SOO pissed when my AD would call from rehab and COMPLAIN..they had a maid, chef, massuse, biofeedback, private counselor, and a yoga instructor. She relapsed 15 days out...2nd rehab not quite as nice..NO MAID!:rotfxko

JMFburns

Attend as many NarAnon or AlAnon (or combination) of meetings that you can to begin to realize you should be focusing on you and your life only (well, your child as well, but NOT your spouse.)

AND . . . if the facility offers 1/2 way house, or sober living and you/he can afford it, that is a very wise option for him. Because again it gives you time to continue to focus on yourself. IMHO

wasyas

Just one more question I am sure I will understand more after I go to a few Alanon meetings, but if I am focused on me and my daughter and he us focused on him and his recovery, how does it work as a couple. I understand the concept of each person taking care of their own recovery but why should I even bother being married and staying with him. I don't want to sound mean or like I don't care about him or our marriage, once upon a time he was my best friend and someone that I could rely on, but if the rest of our marriage is going to be about each of us doing our own recovery then what is the point? I've always read that addiction is an incurable disease, so does that mean that he will always be recovering and always be focused on himself?

keepinon

I am married and focus on my recovery, but have a good relationship with my huisband as well..it's not like recovery is all I do..I have friends, kids, a spouse..recovery helps me in these relationships, it will open you up to deeper, kinder ways of being, not make you more isolated or alone. It's not like you both will be in bubbles..you will get it more after a few meetings.Hang in there and keep asking questions. We've all beee there!