aasharon90

Hi im Sharon and Im an
alcoholic.

By thye grace of my HP
and people like you here
in SR I haven't found it
necessary to pick up a
drink of alcohol since
8-11-90.

For that and you I am
truely grateful.

So today I took a drive
across the Mississippi River
bridge from East Baton Rouge
to West Baton Rouge
where my parents still
live and where I grew
up.

Why? To shop at a Walmart
I havent shopped in before. :rotfxko

I left WBR at 19 and never
returned. Since then I relocated
to Houston with my spouse and
2 children for 10 yrs and just
returned back to EBR alone in
2006.

Since then, ive remarried and
celebrated 20yrs sobriety.

I am estranged from my
parents, brothers and sister
due to abuse and dysfunction
in that family.....so sad.

Anyway...im the only sibling
to enter recovery and have
much experience, strength
and hope within myself.

That family never understood
me and in my gut I think they
are jealous of me for being
a survivor.

For me I grew in recovery
and have been blessed with
many awesome gifts provided
from Above.

I love where I grew up at
but wouldnt want to live
there again. Im glad I had
the opportunity to relocate
and return because Im very
appreciative of what I have
today.

Family in WBR are still stuck
where I flew away and grew.

Im suppose to be a miserable
human being in their eyes and
im not. Envious is the word.

Those people hurt me as a
child and even tho it says
in the promises that you
will get ur family back.....
well....sad to say, i cant take
them back because ive changed
so much and i dont want to
be infected by their own
sickness.

So I shall leave them where
they are and remain grateful
for whom Ive become and
where I am in life.

freebuthurting

hmm - they say blood is thicker than water but its not thicker than alcohol is it?

Congratulations on your 20 years

Pelican

Thanks for sharing Sharon!

I'm sorry your family has not chosen recovery. It is sad.
However, it is not in your control. The life you have control over is looking pretty awesome from here!

Congratulations on 20 years!

aasharon90

Thanks guys,,,,,ur thoughts r
always much appreciated.

I sent my sister and email
after my exciting trip across
river, and she replied,,,,
"you have too much time
on ur hands."

Reading that i could hear my
mom saying that. She was the
abuser to me due to her prescription
meds and alcohol combined.

Verbal and physical.

2 siblings were her puppets
or informants stealing my joy
and fun out of life.


I shared with my husband
about my outing and the
email and told him i felt
guilty.....he asked why...

I replied that all my life I
was told negative stuff, like
i was always looking for
attention...like lots of things
were conjured up, made up
in my mind.

My husband told me that im
old enough to do whatever
I want to today. no one can
tell me where to go or who
to see and so on.

It's just amazing how the mind
works as those old feelings
of insecurities and low self
esteem, self worthlessness....

Never to amount to a row
of beans. Like im stupid
or something.

Through recovery I gained
alot....and my selfesteem
is better.....not perfect but
better.

I am someone. Someone special
and if to no one else then just
to the Man upstairs.

However i know better. My spouse
and pets love me.

But most of all, because I have
love for you here in SR I can
appreciate a loving relationship
with moi.

SlvrMag

Hugs (((Sharon)))

DesertEyes

Hey there Sharon, and congrats on your 20yrs and new life

I also come from a "dysfunctional" family, which is the polite way of saying crazy ******** people. And yes, I came out of that bunch with my share of "emotional injuries" such as that senseless guilt you mention. What helped me was to do some stepwork in ACoA, we have a forum "next door" that you are welcome to check out.

Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

One of the ACoA concepts that did me the most good was to accept that the family I was born into was just the biological accident of my birth. We call that the "family of origin". As part of my recovery I have learned how to make healthy friendships and create a "family of choice". Along that process I adopted a new "mom", technically my ex-wifes step-mom. She's a real sweetie and after a couple of decades of keeping track of each other she calls me "son" and I call her "mom". She has no children of her own, so along with a cousin we look after her as if she were really our mom.

ACoA and it's version of recovery has given me freedom from all those old "brainwashings" that were forced on me by that toxic family. We even have our own version of the serenity prayer.

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the past I cannot change
The courage to change the future I can
And the wisdom to start today.

Mike

nocoincidence56

Thanks, Sharon. I identify with the dysfunctional family, all too well. Although my parents are gone now, only within the last four years have I been able to let go of the past with them. I understood they were truly sick people and, through my actions as a head strong/determined child, caused them to use the only tools they knew how to use on me. Not good!

Alt least, for you, they are still around so that, maybe, one day, you and your family of origin may be whole, or at least at peace, again. As long as they are alive, there is always a chance...........

Thanks again.

aasharon90

Wow...that was some good
stuff shared above. Especially
the ACOA Serenity Prayer.

It's amazing how the Serenity
Prayer can be alter a tad to
suit our needs. And I needed
to read that now.

I will mimerize it and learn
it by heart to use as needed.

I've always known of the ACOA
program available for Adult
Children of Alcoholics.

I firmly believe my HP has
been with me from day 1 and
has protected me, and guided
me helping me all along
the way of my journey in
life.

He was especially there when
raising my 2 children who are
now adults.

I never wanted to raise them
the way I was and thank God
I didnt. I taught them how to
love, care, repect,....all the
good and decent values in life.

I never wanted them to endure
the pain and torture I went thru
at the hands of a lovely sick
parent. She was pretty when made
up, but stripped she was mean
and ugly.

Alcohol and prescrption drugs
together is a deadly explosive
mixture.

Anyway.....my own recovery has
taught me much and has allowed
me to raise my 2 sucessfully and
for me to have a wonderful new
marriage.

The first one wasnt terrible terrible,
it just lacked what I needed in my
spouse. He did the best he could
with the knowledge he had. A
wonderful decent man with good
moral and values.

I suppose my selfishness in needing
more understanding and support
from him was the ultimate cause
of our divorce.

Anyway.....

Today as I continue to be teachable
I will embrace a new program of
recovery ACOA to add another
demension to my life. More joy
and fullfillment.

Deseases run rapid thru many
families and all are affected
in some way or another.

Sickness if not addressed
only gets worse.

Thank God there are many
awesome programs available
for the sick.

Im glad to embrace them to
stay healthy.

Thanks again SR for ur
understanding, support
and unconditional love.

missphit

that is really beautiful and i congratulate you on your 20 years, your new marriage and your love of self!! I'm working on the love of self and find your post an inspiration.