Daughter Coming Home
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 355
Daughter Coming Home
I have been thinking alot the last couple of days. And I need to post to get all this off my mind. So if I ramble please excuse me. I am just trying to untangle my thoughts.
My daughter is getting out of rehab Friday. She has been there 5 months. It was originally a 6 month program, but however they do their levels, she has reached the end of her program 4 weeks early. All her counselors say she is ready, say she has worked a very good program and has all the tools that she needs to return to the real world. She says she is ready to come back and start facing life on life's terms. I see such a difference in her. My real daughter has started to emerge. Her outlook is great although she said she does have some fears. I would be worried if she wasn't a little afraid.
She has set up her intensive outpatient program already and starts it on Tuesday. It is a 6 week Monday thru Friday program. She has a sponsor when she comes out and plans on doing her meetings everyday. She is looking forward to taking back her responsibility for her children when she gets here. My husband and I have agreed that she can come home and we will see how things go until after Christmas. I want the transition to be as easy as possible on the 2 kids. They love their mommy so much, and have missed her, even when things were at their worst. Imagine things being at their best! They really deserve that. I hope that is what will happen.
I would be lying if I said that I wasn't a little nervous. I have some reservations, some doubts, some fears. But I also have had some good recovery work during the time she has been gone. She is not coming home to the same mother that was here when she left. She knows there are some absolute deal breakers here. There will be no drugs, if I think she is relapsing, she will have to leave. I want her recovery to be her's, but I also want to have some peace of mind in my own house. I will NEVER go back to the way my life was 6 months ago. I refuse. BUT....I find my mind wandering... What if this....What if that.... I want to be clear on what our household will be like, with all of us living under the same roof for now.
It has been a long road for all of us. My husband and I put our lives on hold to give the boys a stable, loving, safe environment. We have done the best that we know how to do. We will all sit down this weekend and have a long talk on what our expectations and perceptions are. We have done this to some extent, but I just want things to be clear that we are all on the same page. I do not fool myself that relapse could be a real possibility, but I also don't want to be looking for it all the time. We all know that right now is when the real work begins. For us and for her.
I have prayed that my daughter has found her peace. I pray that she can live her life to the fullest. I guess that is all I can do.
Thanks for listening to me. I really am sorry that we are all here, but....Thank you all for being here.
Gotahavfaith
My daughter is getting out of rehab Friday. She has been there 5 months. It was originally a 6 month program, but however they do their levels, she has reached the end of her program 4 weeks early. All her counselors say she is ready, say she has worked a very good program and has all the tools that she needs to return to the real world. She says she is ready to come back and start facing life on life's terms. I see such a difference in her. My real daughter has started to emerge. Her outlook is great although she said she does have some fears. I would be worried if she wasn't a little afraid.
She has set up her intensive outpatient program already and starts it on Tuesday. It is a 6 week Monday thru Friday program. She has a sponsor when she comes out and plans on doing her meetings everyday. She is looking forward to taking back her responsibility for her children when she gets here. My husband and I have agreed that she can come home and we will see how things go until after Christmas. I want the transition to be as easy as possible on the 2 kids. They love their mommy so much, and have missed her, even when things were at their worst. Imagine things being at their best! They really deserve that. I hope that is what will happen.
I would be lying if I said that I wasn't a little nervous. I have some reservations, some doubts, some fears. But I also have had some good recovery work during the time she has been gone. She is not coming home to the same mother that was here when she left. She knows there are some absolute deal breakers here. There will be no drugs, if I think she is relapsing, she will have to leave. I want her recovery to be her's, but I also want to have some peace of mind in my own house. I will NEVER go back to the way my life was 6 months ago. I refuse. BUT....I find my mind wandering... What if this....What if that.... I want to be clear on what our household will be like, with all of us living under the same roof for now.
It has been a long road for all of us. My husband and I put our lives on hold to give the boys a stable, loving, safe environment. We have done the best that we know how to do. We will all sit down this weekend and have a long talk on what our expectations and perceptions are. We have done this to some extent, but I just want things to be clear that we are all on the same page. I do not fool myself that relapse could be a real possibility, but I also don't want to be looking for it all the time. We all know that right now is when the real work begins. For us and for her.
I have prayed that my daughter has found her peace. I pray that she can live her life to the fullest. I guess that is all I can do.
Thanks for listening to me. I really am sorry that we are all here, but....Thank you all for being here.
Gotahavfaith
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 1,249
God Bless You, Your daughter and her boys, and your husband too ofcourse.
I am so happy that your daughter is clean and doing the work she needed to do in order to get well. I am glad that your allowing your daughter back in your house, because it's a better environment than a sober living place for her boys. They need stability, and their family. They don't need to be around a bunch of struggling addicts, who they don't know. And besides, I don't even think sober living places take children. I don't know much.
Your a great mom, and you have done all you can. I personally think your daughter will stay clean, because she is doing the work, and she loves her kids very much. She has alot of support from you and your husband, and she is a very lucky and blessed girl.
Even though relapse is part of addiction, I don't think she wants to go through all of that again. She has other people to put before herself. And those boys need a sober mom, and I guarantee you that she has learned that.
I know that when the addict messes up, as parents we shouldn't keep helping them out of their mess, but to be honest with you, I am just as guilty. I like you have learned alot, and am not as enabling and frightened as I was a couple of years ago. I was terrified.
My son's addiction was terrorism for me. It almost killed me, and it was ruining my life. I didn't know how to live my own life anymore. I was too busy trying to save my son. I am proud to say that my son is clean now too.
Congratulations on your daughters sobriety. She is lucky to have a mother like you.
I sure hope she realizes what you have done for her and her beautiful boys.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL, Love and Prayers for you and your family.
I am so happy that your daughter is clean and doing the work she needed to do in order to get well. I am glad that your allowing your daughter back in your house, because it's a better environment than a sober living place for her boys. They need stability, and their family. They don't need to be around a bunch of struggling addicts, who they don't know. And besides, I don't even think sober living places take children. I don't know much.
Your a great mom, and you have done all you can. I personally think your daughter will stay clean, because she is doing the work, and she loves her kids very much. She has alot of support from you and your husband, and she is a very lucky and blessed girl.
Even though relapse is part of addiction, I don't think she wants to go through all of that again. She has other people to put before herself. And those boys need a sober mom, and I guarantee you that she has learned that.
I know that when the addict messes up, as parents we shouldn't keep helping them out of their mess, but to be honest with you, I am just as guilty. I like you have learned alot, and am not as enabling and frightened as I was a couple of years ago. I was terrified.
My son's addiction was terrorism for me. It almost killed me, and it was ruining my life. I didn't know how to live my own life anymore. I was too busy trying to save my son. I am proud to say that my son is clean now too.
Congratulations on your daughters sobriety. She is lucky to have a mother like you.
I sure hope she realizes what you have done for her and her beautiful boys.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL, Love and Prayers for you and your family.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Gotahavfaith
I'm not surprised that you're a little nervous. If you weren't, I would wonder why not! It sounds like you are preparing for whatever comes down the pike and that's good. I'll keep you and your daughter in my prayers.
gentle hugs
I'm not surprised that you're a little nervous. If you weren't, I would wonder why not! It sounds like you are preparing for whatever comes down the pike and that's good. I'll keep you and your daughter in my prayers.
gentle hugs
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
It sounds like your daughter has chosen recovery, not had it thrust upon her. I understand your nervousness..none of us ever want to be in the hell of living with an active addict. keep working on your program. It's hard to take our eyes off the addict, but we must (wish I could take my own advice.) HAng in there.. she has been in treatment for a while and sounds serious. have hope!
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
I will NEVER go back to the way my life was 6 months ago.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 355
Awww...Angelic...Thank you....you made me cry. In a good way tho...lol
Thank you guys for the good thoughts. I really do need them right now.
Keepinon....It is hard keeping our nose outta others business, isn't it...For what it is worth, I think you are doing good. I don't know what made her decide to go, her and I was talking about that the other day, I said I don't know what made you decide to finally go, but whatever it was I am glad it did. She said with a smile on her face...maybe one day I will tell you. Whatever it was, it was her own personal bottom. For some reason that just stuck with me.
Chino...Ya know, that is what I want to be so clear to EVERYONE in my family, not just my daughter. I want my life to look different, my life IS going to BE different. I have spent alot of years living for other people, doing for other people. I forgot who I was, and I forgot how to live and be happy. My daughter had 5 months to reflect on her life, free of interuptions. Now it is time for me to reflect on my life. But not the past, I want to figure out where MY life is going. I want to look to the future and know that it is gonna be what I want it to be. No matter what anyone else does.
I am the engineer and I AM NOT BACKIN UP THE TRAIN. Hope my family understands that.
Gotahavfaith
Thank you guys for the good thoughts. I really do need them right now.
Keepinon....It is hard keeping our nose outta others business, isn't it...For what it is worth, I think you are doing good. I don't know what made her decide to go, her and I was talking about that the other day, I said I don't know what made you decide to finally go, but whatever it was I am glad it did. She said with a smile on her face...maybe one day I will tell you. Whatever it was, it was her own personal bottom. For some reason that just stuck with me.
Chino...Ya know, that is what I want to be so clear to EVERYONE in my family, not just my daughter. I want my life to look different, my life IS going to BE different. I have spent alot of years living for other people, doing for other people. I forgot who I was, and I forgot how to live and be happy. My daughter had 5 months to reflect on her life, free of interuptions. Now it is time for me to reflect on my life. But not the past, I want to figure out where MY life is going. I want to look to the future and know that it is gonna be what I want it to be. No matter what anyone else does.
I am the engineer and I AM NOT BACKIN UP THE TRAIN. Hope my family understands that.
Gotahavfaith
it is what it is
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Griffin GA
Posts: 454
gotahavfaith - as parents sometimes we put our lives on the line for our kids - i pray that your daughter will continue to be determined to be the mother and daughter that she should be - i really appreciate your strength and resolve to not go back to what was - prayers are with you, your husband, your daughter, and your grandchildren
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
I have felt these feelings many times. Every attempt at recovery is different and I always see changes. However, with my AD, coming home was in fact the worse thing I ever allowed. She falls back into baby/victim mode and the cycle continues.
I also have custody of her son due to the choices she made. She is recovering in a sober house, working and hope she makes it. It is all up to her, I can't do any more.
It is so hard, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
prayers,
susan
I also have custody of her son due to the choices she made. She is recovering in a sober house, working and hope she makes it. It is all up to her, I can't do any more.
It is so hard, I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
prayers,
susan
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 355
Originally Posted by caileesnana 
I have felt these feelings many times. Every attempt at recovery is different and I always see changes. However, with my AD, coming home was in fact the worse thing I ever allowed. She falls back into baby/victim mode and the cycle continues.
Prayers for all the addicts and their families.
Gotahavfaith
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