Bogus motions.. Again.

Old 09-23-2010, 09:08 AM
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Location: California
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Bogus motions.. Again.

I'm seeing the same pattern emerging as the date gets closer to his admission to rehab (for the 4th time) on Monday. He said he was going to finish using what he had, as some kind of closure or ritual that he claims addicts feel the need to take part in prior to quitting and/or going to rehab. This is usually how the process starts. He then uses it or says he will flush it, then he takes a suboxone. He claims that he is done with it and that it should be proven by his taking suboxone and not using. Then he says he is able to do it on his own, and he starts pretending that he can hold down a job, so he starts looking for one. Anything to get out of going to rehab again!

I went to Al-Anon last night, which is empowering me today to not be an enabler and not to believe his continued lies about being serious about going to rehab. It sounds awful, but as of right now, I do not believe he is committed to his recovery as started by checking himself into rehab on Monday as planned. He got a job callback yesterday, now he is taking suboxone and says that he really wishes he didn't have to go to rehab and that he would like to just start working to keep himself busy. SORRY.. LIE. He is just finding any and every reason to not check himself in on Monday. There is no way in heck that he is going to be able to hold down a job when in the past year, he has quit and relapsed at least 8 times, left two rehabs prematurely, has lied, deceived, spent his parents money, my money, etc.

Thanks for listening to my vent. I'm feeling overwhelmed this morning by the typical pattern of what happens in the days prior to his quitting and/or signing into rehab. I asked his mom this morning if he has been talking about not going (I am not there currently, I left and came back to VA when all this came to a head on Monday.. I had to detach myself from the situation)... She said yes, he has been talking about this job he can possibly get. Now she's questioning whether this rehab is the best one, and I believe this is also her way of copping out of sending him (since he is so emotional over going since he hates how lonely it is) and also out of not wasting more money. I am learning more and more how much his mom is contributing to the issue.

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Old 09-23-2010, 09:12 AM
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The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results. If he's been to rehab 3 times already, he already knows what it's all about. Another stint isn't likely to change anything. He just isn't ready yet.
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Old 09-23-2010, 09:15 AM
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What can you do about any of it today?
Nothing, why have the headache and heartache when you have removed yourself physically?
Let's think up something you can do today that would nourish you?
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Old 09-23-2010, 10:32 AM
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Thank you all for replying

Suki- I agree with you, he isn't ready yet. He hasn't yet realized how serious his problem is and how close he is to killing himself if he keeps it up. He also has no idea what REAL life is about yet given his age and his isolation from the real world due to his wealthy, enabling family and his addiction. It's obvious, as you said, that his commitment to rehab and recovery is not real and I don't think the 4th time is a charm.

Live- You're right, there is nothing I can do today. In fact, I believe there is nothing I can do at all, ever. I don't want to say something as nasty as there's no hope for him, but I think it is going to be a long time before I can be hopeful for him and his recovery. He has so much ahead of him and I can't knowingly and willingly get myself into this drama-filled life when the same pattern continues. As suki said, it's insanity. I wish I could also remove myself emotionally and I know with time I will be able to. I have pretty much made up my mind that I am moving on, unless there is some serious action and continued recovery on his part. Until then, i am keeping my distance. Even though my head and heart hurt here because I am up to my ears with all this, I do find some peace in being in my own house, alone, where I can have some peace and quiet and do what I want to do for me. As far as nourishing myself today, I am trying to focus on my house. I feel fortunate to have my own place, which is less than 3 miles from parents. I really don't like the area I grew up in, especially after having lived in California for 2 years, but after getting laid off from a job, this is where I ended up again. At least for now I can consider it a "safe place" for me. Safe from the drama of other people's lives. Today I am going to clean and take pride in what I am responsible enough to live in (feeling appreciative when I think about my bf who has nothing and can't be trusted with anything) and my mom is going to come over for dinner and a movie.

anvil- Thank you!! I was proud of myself too It took me a little time to do it. I was online everyday checking plane tickets for next day departure for probably 2 weeks. Finally, Sunday night after he got upset after a discussion at home (he can't cope and storms out at the very smallest thing), he went and bought some. He had been clean for about 6 days. This follows Sunday at the bar when we went to watch football and he met 3 guys with good weed and he left me sitting at the bar by myself (not knowing anyone in Austin) for 1.5 hours. Then he lied and got some Sunday night, denying to me all night he was using when all the signs were there (I always know). Then Monday morning, his heroin buddy's mom called and said she looked through her son's phone and him and my bf were in touch and got together the night before. This just proved me and his mom were right. So Monday, I knew it was the right day. So I left... I've missed him incredibly but I'm good at being by myself. I'm an only child and outside of a couple of live-in relationships, I have lived alone. I'm enjoying my quiet time!
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