LawMama

Hi ya'll. I'm new to this forum and still pretty new to sobriety....I have 66 days which seems like an eternity. I am working AA and have a sponsor and the whole nine yards, but unfortunately I feel like I don't have a lot of time to concentrate on my sobriety. I have a hard time fitting in meetings and I felt a LOT better when I was going to meetings. These days, I find myself stressed out and wanting to drink or p!ssed off and wanting to drink and I really believe I have only stayed sober because I'm stubborn.

Does anyone have advice on how to stay sober and work the 12 steps without being able to make more than 1-2 meetings a week (I talk to my sponsor a few times a week and usually meet with her once a week too)? I literally do not have the time...I am a law student and a single mom so when I'm not in class or studying I have my kid. I still get bad cravings and feel like managing my stress and emotions is hard without alcohol.

Also, I'm in a somewhat new relationship with a guy who is also sober and also in AA (no, we didn't meet in a meeting). I know the whole "suggestion" not to start a relationship in the first year of sobriety, but it is what it is and ending a good relationship seems counter-productive. That being said, I struggle with having a sober relationship because I have always handled relationships (sex, conversing, having fun, dealing with issues) by drinking. In sobriety, I feel like I have a really hard time communicating without being angry/needy/etc.

Thanks in advance....I hope this forum is supportive and I look forward to supporting others too.

mama36

Hey LM...First of all 66 days is nothing to balk at...way to go. There is and AA Online Intergroup site...maybe you could do meetings there when you can't make it to a 3D meeting. I have started with an AADAC counsellor and that will also help. Do many of your friends or family members know of your drinking/sobriety? I don't have a lot of time either LM, I have a son, 2 step daughters, a hubby, an almost full time job and courses that I am taking along with activities for the kids and such. The best thing that I can do for myself, in my case personally, is make sure that I am able to go to 3 or 4 meetings per week as well as arm myself with counselling and this site...this place really helps me when I don't go to meetings. You can only do what you can do but there should be some meetings at lunch time or during class periods that you don't have a class??? If you have friends close by, maybe you could have one of them come in and watch your child a day or 2 a week so that you can make a meeting? Oh...also, I found out at AADAC yesterday that they have some groups and there is child care, for free, available to mothers. Maybe there is something like that available where you live?

I'm new...so I don't know much but I do know what I have armed myself with and the support is what I need, I think everybody needs support of some kind.

I would take the time and research all of your options so that you are taking care not only of your studies and your child, but yourself and your sobriety as well. If you don't say sober you won't be much good to yourself or your child, think of it that way.

D.

least

A lot of AAers here say that going to meetings is only a part of recovery, that working the steps is more important. Most important, I think, is to not get burnt out by taking on too much. You have a busy life so get to meetings when you can and in the meantime, work the steps with all your heart and soul.

Welcome to the family!

GettingStronger2

Congrats on law school! I graduated from Tulane Law in 1998. It is a challenge, but man did I love it.


how do you find time? Well, you make it. Are you willing to go to any length? If you cannot make your sobriety a priority, nothing in your life will be okay. It has to be the most important thing for you. Nothing else can top it.

Dee74

Hi LawMama

I'm not in AA but I do believe whatever we do for our recovery is a necessity - you take time out to exercise, to eat, to clean your teeth etc - I think we have to make time for our recovery too - whatever programme it is we're using.

As for your second point I'm not sure where the no new relationships in early recovery idea came from - but I think there's good common sense behind it.

I think the reason why so many people caution against relationships in early recovery is for the reason you stated - we struggle with having a sober relationship because we've have always handled relationships (sex, conversing, having fun, dealing with issues) by drinking.

Relationships can be stressful and I'd venture stress is a major trigger for all of us.

I also know that it took me a while to work out just who I was as a sober human being.
If both of you are going through that discovery process, it's bound to be a bumpy ride from time to time.

It doesn't mean you should necessarily dump your bf, but I think both partners need to be aware that you need to communicate well and have strategies in place for times of stress.

The good news is you'll find a lot of help, support and encouragement here
Welcome!

D

tjp613

Have you tried a simple practice of meditation? -- even 10 minutes 2x a day can be very helpful. You've got a LOT going on and it sounds to me like just turning it all OFF for a while (and regularly) could be very beneficial to your well-being.

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community......
Congratulations on your sober time

The AA steps are the program.
I strongly suggest you and your sponsor
begin them immediately....
because when I did....I shifted from often
shakey sobriety into solid recovery.

Most new relationships don't last.....if that
happens....don't drink over it.
Not all loves are forever.

Keep in touch...many of us are winning over alcohol.

LawMama

Yeah we are working the steps and I have been experiencing some great changes in my life but sometimes I still crave and want to cope by drinking. I usually pray about it, read some AA literature, call my sponsor, or make a meeting if possible and I have been able to get through it. I just keep hoping the cravings will stop completely and I will stop thinking about ever drinking again. I have heard that doesn't happen for everyone?

I think a big concern with relationships in early sobriety is most relationships end and the danger is we will drink again when/if it ends....I know that is a possibility but I will have to pray about it and bring it to my higher power if that happens. I don't want to sabatoge it just because it is a suggestion though....after all, it doesn't say anything about not starting new relationships in the Big Book.

LawMama

Also, thank you guys!

CarolD

My cravings for alcohol lessened the longer I stayed
focused and sober.
By the end of 2 months....no more cravings.

I was also follwoing an eating plan....with my doctor's ok
I found in the book....."Under The Influence" by Milam
& Ketcham.
Amazon.com usually has it....very inexpensively.

To get a general idea...Google for hypoglycemia and alcohol.

To read about AA and relationship....look in the
12&12......around page 119 I think.
Note what Step they are talking about.

LexieCat

Another lawyer here--I hated law school but have (mostly) loved my career, so it was worth it to me. I second the idea of meditation breaks, and I think you're better off doing the step work than adding more meetings.

Though I was slow to work the steps, I haven't experienced any serious urges to drink since my first week or so (I just celebrated two years). I hear it's different for different people. I'm working them now because I don't like the way my sober life was looking--it was still an unmanageable mess in many ways.

Glad to have you here.