mermaidgirl

Hi All...

Been a little while, but I was so rageful last night, I couldn't contain it...thank goodness for friends who say give me 10 minutes and I will call you (even though I couldn't articulate a thing).

My divorce from STBXRAH is dragging on and on. No need to say what he hasn't done on his side to drag it out-we all know the tricks. What triggered me and reminded me that he is STILL trying to manipulate my life was the following. I needa realtor to look at my home and tell me needs to be done if I were to list it to make it competitive (because STBXRAH still seems to think there is some "magical" "hidden" equity in this place). I called my realtor (who was a contact from my mortgage broker-another good friend of mine) and asked if she could provide this service for me. She called yesterday and said she could not and she was very awkward on the phone. Seems as though STBXRAH has tapped into her--has either seen her or IS seeing her; was seeing her (she was very vague) and she said there would be a conflict. She said that her husband died 1-1/2 years ago from a suicide and she has befriended my STBXRAH.

I was at work-I have ane executive position where I work-not the kind of place I can just have a little fetal position cry session under my desk, so I kept it inside until I got home and just lost it.

This man is systematically touching people around me...my neighbors, my realtor, my auto broker...these are all friends (with the exception of my neighbors)...and to think that all he kept doing was snooping and looking and trying to determine who I was fooling around with (no one). Now, it gives me pause...was it his wacky projection that perhaps HE was the one that was fooling around for the last 2 years of being together? Because this is the second woman who I have spoken to since January that was very "awkward" with me when it came down to talking about him.

I'm not hurt...I'm rageful. I hate him...and I hate the fact that his behavior still brings this kind of emotion up for me. Rescheduled mediation is set for Oct. 18...Will I make it? Will I be able to sit across that table from him even though my attorney has the reins?

Thanks for listening...hugs to you all.

Still Waters

Hang in there. Just keep thinking about your life after this is all over!

suki44883

Yes, you will make it. You'll be fine. Realtors are a dime a dozen and you can find another one easily. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and get done what you need to get done. I know what it is like to live with and divorce a guy like that. He tries to poke you at each turn, but you just have to shake it off and move on ahead. Don't let him cause you to lose your resolve. Keep going and in the end, you will be rid of him. Hang in there.

Learn2Live

I will tell you what I told my BF: Just breathe through it and let go. Get AS MUCH DISTANCE from the person you are divorcing as you possibly can, physically, emotionally, cognitively. If you can't stop thinking about it, try to distract yourself. Stop thinking of him as your husband, you STBXAH, your anything. Start thinking of him as "that person I am divorcing." Do not call that woman again. If you see her walking down the street, avoid her.

I KNOW, Lord knows I know, how very angry you are. And I know that you are one hundred thousand percent right and justified in being bothered by this situation. But divorce devastates lives and I just watched my BF go through this crap and because he could not let go he is STILL suffering and now they are going back to court because he could not let go.

I am so very sorry that you are having to go through this. I have had HUGE anger problems all my life, but once it started happening at work, I knew I needed some assistance with it. So I went to the therapist and had a session or two where she helped me get some perspective, taught me a couple things, and gave me anger management tips. It has truly helped me.

When I am rageful, I get in bed and STAY there. I stay as far away from other people as possible. And I get on SR and post.

Yes. You will make it and you will be able to do this. First, get control of your anger. You gotta' change your mind about what he is doing. You can do this. You must know Anger is a CHOICE. You choose. Change your perspective to understand that he is doing nothing TO you, he is doing it to himself. Here is what I use at work:

1. Notice early warning signals of your anger.
2. Practice using those signals as your cue to breathe, release tension, and remind you to calm yourself and your thoughts.
3. Remember you cannot control other people, only yourself. You control who you invest time, energy and emotion with and who you distance yourself from.
4. Remember, your anger will NEVER control other's behaviors, thoughts, values, etc.
5. Practice being in the now. When you are happy, remind yoursef that the feeling is not going to last forever. When you are unhappy, also remind yourself that the feeling is not going to last forever.

Hope something here is helpful.

mermaidgirl

LTL...and all others...thank you so much. Are you kidding? Everything I read here helps me. This disease and all it afflicts-is so underrated when it comes to the devastation it wreaks.

Also want you all to know that I continue in individual counseling every week without fail. I have put into place everything I possibly can; but yesterday the disease won and I don't like it when that happens. I guess it was humbling-knowing that I cannot do it myself all of the time and need to lean on others-especially my HP.

Yes, I can absolutely do this...there is no turning back. I just never imagined in my wildest dreams...never, no not ever...