morgy

That 13 charecteristics post shocked me.

These are the extreme charecteristics that I have exhibited that relate to that general topic, and I'm wondering if others are having these same experiences.

Since i was a young teen (12-13) I have thought that I was insane. I have experienced extreme paranoia and mistrust, with loads of anger. Due to this paranoia, i was incredibly needy and eager, looking for affirmation. At my middle shcool, these traits led to me not being very "cool". As my anger at my piers (and subconciously my father) mounted, I assosiated myself with the punk rock subculture (around 14). I believe that I did this in order to have a "platform" on which i could stand while I shirked responsibility, etc. etc.

I am unable to deal with emotions... The slightest things go wrong and i will go over them in my mind thousands of times until I'm so frantic I cannot act.

I am incredibly needy. My love seems despereate. I truly care for my sig. other, and love her deeply. but i always feel that I am not getting enough attention, and I even sometimes (mostly subconciously i think) create drama in order to recreate what I think "real love" (what i saw my parents do) is. I treat her with alot of respect, but at times she's said i was a bit smothering. During our relationship, I got really, really wasted, and cheated on her. I think that i was passive-aggressively trying to get revenge or feel empowered because of my anger for not getting as much attention as I felt I needed.

I have always had an unnatural sex drive/view of sex. I have had more partners than I should have, and I've never had much concept of the responsibility that comes with sex. I have looked for acceptance and love through sex, and used it as a standard to judge myself by (like everything else).

I am INCREDIBLY competitive, and when I lose I get unnaturally angry. I am a musician, and I study sound engineering in college. I always end up hating the music I make, and thinking it's complete ****, even if others like it.

I am an incredibly harsh judge of my appearance. I view myself as unloveable, and a beast, and I have altered my appearance to make myself look "meaner". I am generally unshaven and I have given myself multiple tattoos, as well has had a few professional ones done. Some of my self-tattooing I think borders on self-mutilation as well, considering I did them in response to emotional strain. Two of my tattoos reference serial killers (though I kind of wish I didn't have them now)

I am a 19 year old male, 5'9 140 lbs and muscular. I have had an obsession with my weight since i was 14. I started gaining weight at 14 (my mom was a comfort eater throughout her codependant marriage) and got up to the weight of 210 at age 17. I dropped all this weight in a relatively unhealthy manner (i'm doing better now) which could only be described as anorexia.

Along with this, I cut myself with various sharp objects from ages 13-19 ( i quit a few months ago)

I have developed a considerable drinking/drug problem myself, even after watching my parents be destroyed by it (how typical). I quit for months at a time, but then I'll expereince emotional trauma, and turn to alcohol.

JACK B.

HEY MORGY,
I HAVE A LOT OF THOSE ISSUES.
I ALSO HUNG OUT WITH THE OUTCAST'S, PUNK'S, SKATER'S, AND DRUGGY'S.
I WAS RAISED AROUND DRUG'S AND ALCOHOL.
I AM 32 NOW AND IN A.A. AND MY MARRIAGE IS ON THE ROCK'S
SEPARATED. WITH MY OWN NEW FAMILY I'VE DISCOVERED SOME
INSAIN BEHAVIOR'S; AND THAT IS I HAVE A PROBLEM BEING AROUND MY FAMILY (WIFE AND KID'S) CAUSE WHAT I HAVE AS
EXPERIENCE IN A FAMILY SETTING WAS MOM BLACKED OUT DRUNK
BOYFRIEND'S BEATING HER UP, MOVING ALL THE TIME, NEW SCHOOL'S ALL THE TIME. AND I SWORE THAT I WOULD'NT BE LIKE MY MOM, BUT AFTER A WHILE I FOUND THAT WHEN SHE HIDE HER BOTTLE'S OF NIGHTTRAIN, I COULD TAKE THEM AND SHE PROBABLY WOULDN'T NOTICE.
ANYWAY'S I DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE A HUSBAND OR DAD OR EVEN OKAY WITH MYSELF.

YES FOR MANY YEAR'S NOW, I'VE FOUND IT HARD TO FIT IN ANYWHERE FOR TO LONG WITHOUT ALCOHOL/DRUG'S AND THEN FINALLY FEELING LIKE I HAVE TO MOVE. CAUSE OF THE DAMAGE I CREATED OR JUST BECAUSE AFTER A WHILE PEOPLE SEE MORE OF ME THAN I WANT THEM TO. I DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GOING WITH THIS BUT I HAVE A LOT OF TATTOO'S THAT STRIKE ME AS
SOMETHING TO DO WITH DEATH AND I GO THROUGH PERIOD'S
OF TRYING TO PUSH PEOPLE AWAY THROUGH THE WAY I LOOK.
I HAVE ALWAY'S FELT LIKE I DON'T BELONG.
AND WHAT'S WORSE THE OUTCAST'S THAT I HUNG OUT WITH
THOUGHT I WAS MESSED UP. SO THEY DIDN'T WANT TO HANG FOR VERY LONG. ANOTHER PART OF ME PUT FRIEND'S BEFORE MY FAMILY EVEN MY NEW FAMILY CAUSE, I THINK BECAUSE
I'M WORSE TO THE ONE'S I'M CLOSEST TOO.
ANOTHER THING I WANT TO MENTION IS EVER SINCE I WAS IN GRADE SCHOOL I COULDN'T HANDLE HAVING MY PICTURE TAKING,
TO THIS DAY I LOOK AT PICTURE'S OF MYSELF AND CAN'T STAND LOOKING AT MYSELF AND THOSE PICTURE'S THAT HAVE ME IN THEM ARE WITHOUT A SMILE IT ALWAY'S IS A MESSED UP FACIAL
EXPRESSION OR SOMETHING TO OBSCURE MY FACE.
I HAVEN'T QUIT FIGURED THAT OUT YET.
YOUR NOT ALONE!
BUT, WHERE I'M AT NOW IS NOT DOING ALCOHOL AND DRUG'S WITH THE HELP OF OTHER'S LIKE ME, A.A..
I'M NOT SAYING ANYTHING TO YOU OTHER THAN THIS IS WHAT I'M DOING.

I'M AN ALCOHOL AND I MIGHT HAVE SOME OTHER ISSUE'S
BUT I WON'T BE ABLE TO FIGURE THEM OUT BY MYSELF AND DEFINATLY NOT LOADED.

WITHOUT HONESTY ABOUT MYSELF I CAN GET NO WHERE BUT A UGLY SICK LIFE WHERE DEATH MIGHT BE MORE WELCOME AND THAT STOPPED BEING FUN ALONG TIME AGO!

I PLAYED IN BAND'S FOR QUITE A FEW YEAR'S(DRUMMER)
THAT WAS MAY ESCAPE ALONG WITH ALCOHOL/DRUG'S
IT WAS ALSO MY DREAM TO MAKE MUSIC BUT SOMEWHERE ALONG THE LINE I GOT TO INSAIN TO HANDLE MYSELF AND OTHER'S PERSONALITY'S IT'S STILL SOMETHING I'M INTERESTED IN BUT I'VE GOT A CHANCE TO BREAK THIS VERY SICK LEGACY
FOR THE INNOCENT TODDLER'S THAT I BROUGHT INTO THIS WORLD! TO BREAK THIS CYCLE OF SICKNESS!
AND IT HAS TO START WITH ME!

I WANT TO FACE MY FEAR'S!
I WANT THE TRUTH ABOUT ME!
I WANT TO CONTRIBUTE TO THIS THING I CALL LIFE!
AND I DON'T WANT TO DIE LOADED AND INSAIN!
THERE IS A SOLUTION! IT ALL START'S WITH HONESTY AND YOU HAVE IT, AS FAR AS I CAN SEE! DON'T GIVE UP, AND DON'T GIVE IN. MY BEST WISHES TO YOU AND DON'T GIVE UP THAT MUSIC!
AND WRITE ME ANYTIME!
THANK'S FOR 12 STEPPING ME!
JACK B.