tam

while at a dear friends funeral I attended with my brothers I saw my husband. He looks extremely ill. very thin, pale and I thought he looked yellow and shaking badly. He wanted to talk to me and said he was sorry,but I walked away.as you know he was recently in the hospital for infections and was diagnosed with CML leukemia,however his hospital stay was not related totally to his CML but also the pain meds. last week I stepped in to help with his health. However, things didnt go too well. he was released and back to the young couple apt. I tried to handle his CML and everything was stirred up again, all about pain meds,money, anger all the same as 9 months ago and I decided to step away once more. I made this decision after speaking to 5 of his doctors. they all stated to me that he can live a long time with CML but not with his pain meds. His liver function has decreased, his diabetes is out of control and his heart blood counts are off the chart,plus his digestive tract and lung function.they all stated he needs detox and recommended meth. I am watching him slowly die and there is nothing I can do. he is back with his pain dr.outpatient and it absolutely shocks me that this will continue knowing his serious health conditions,but absolutely nothing I can help with.
All I can do is pray. I am devastated knowing this and just feel so sad. this is what happens with long term use of these meds ,ultimately death. a slow painful death,your body slowly shutsdown. I have given this to my high power for a long time and my husband knows I love him dearly and he fully understands from my hospital visit how I feel, so Im grateful for that. thank you everyone for the support on this forum, it truly truly was a godsend to me. It taught me to gain back sanity and stay in control of myself and he saw that. I now know that I didnt cause it, cant control it and cant cure it and he knows that too.again , its in the hands of my high power.

keepinon

So glad you posted..I have been thinking about you!Sounds like he's still not "done" and not much you can do. It's not that youy got to clear the air with him though...so tragic.

chicory

Tam,
I know it must have been so very hard to see him, and to deal with all the feelings that must have been stirred up. I commend you , for taking care of yourself, and for letting him see that. I pray that he will see the light, and I am sure that your choices are pointing him towards that light, instead of getting in his way.

thoughts are with you,
chicory

Impurrfect

(((Tam))) - I'm so sorry that he's continuing on his destructive path, but very proud of YOU for stepping back. I know this must be so terribly painful, and am sending you extra hugs and prayers.

Amy