Enabling a parent vs. helping a child
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Join Date: May 2010
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Enabling a parent vs. helping a child
It just occurred to me that you are the people to ask this question...
When someone else's children are in need because of parents' neglect (spending money on alcohol instead of the children), is it enabling the alcoholic parents to buy things for or give things to the children?
I have a friend (more of an acquaintance, but it's a small town) who has recently moved a boyfriend into her home. They each have three children. The boyfriend happens to be the XASIL (ex alcoholic son-in-law) of my nextdoor neighbors.
I have been hearing from my neighbor (grandma to the kids) about the financial neglect that has been going on with all 6 of the kids. XASIL has been out of work since July, and my friend mostly lives on child support and alimony from her ex. She also has a part-time, low-wage job.
Yet the parents drink every day. There is always money for booze and they are able to spend 3 - 4 nights a weeks in the local bars and drink at home when they're not out.
Meanwhile, there has been no money for things such as driver's ed, school supplies or clothes, shoes for PE class, etc.
One of my best friends has been a very good and close friend to the woman for the past several years, until right before this new relationship started.
A few days ago, the woman asked my best friend for her daughter's drum set because her son wants to play the trap set in our school's pep band and he has a passion for music. My best friend's daughter no longer needs her drums, but they paid $400 for them less than a year ago. Alcohol-consuming mom says $400 is too much and she can't afford to pay it.
For years, my best friend and her husband have helped out this woman and her children because of the despicable manner in which her X left them. They LOVE her children and would love to help her son. They are having a difficult time deciding what to do.
When someone else's children are in need because of parents' neglect (spending money on alcohol instead of the children), is it enabling the alcoholic parents to buy things for or give things to the children?
I have a friend (more of an acquaintance, but it's a small town) who has recently moved a boyfriend into her home. They each have three children. The boyfriend happens to be the XASIL (ex alcoholic son-in-law) of my nextdoor neighbors.
I have been hearing from my neighbor (grandma to the kids) about the financial neglect that has been going on with all 6 of the kids. XASIL has been out of work since July, and my friend mostly lives on child support and alimony from her ex. She also has a part-time, low-wage job.
Yet the parents drink every day. There is always money for booze and they are able to spend 3 - 4 nights a weeks in the local bars and drink at home when they're not out.
Meanwhile, there has been no money for things such as driver's ed, school supplies or clothes, shoes for PE class, etc.
One of my best friends has been a very good and close friend to the woman for the past several years, until right before this new relationship started.
A few days ago, the woman asked my best friend for her daughter's drum set because her son wants to play the trap set in our school's pep band and he has a passion for music. My best friend's daughter no longer needs her drums, but they paid $400 for them less than a year ago. Alcohol-consuming mom says $400 is too much and she can't afford to pay it.
For years, my best friend and her husband have helped out this woman and her children because of the despicable manner in which her X left them. They LOVE her children and would love to help her son. They are having a difficult time deciding what to do.
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
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I'd consider contacting childrens protective service to have them investigated. Perhaps having CPS knock on their door would give them a wake up call. Or not.
Beyond that, I think any show of support and concern you show for a child who is being neglected is a most worthwhile thing to do. Thank you for caring.
Beyond that, I think any show of support and concern you show for a child who is being neglected is a most worthwhile thing to do. Thank you for caring.
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Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Ohio
Posts: 355
Originally Posted by tjp613 
I'd consider contacting childrens protective service to have them investigated. Perhaps having CPS knock on their door would give them a wake up call. Or not.
Beyond that, I think any show of support and concern you show for a child who is being neglected is a most worthwhile thing to do. Thank you for caring.
Beyond that, I think any show of support and concern you show for a child who is being neglected is a most worthwhile thing to do. Thank you for caring.
Gotahavfaith
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
Posts: 1,250
You can always call CPS and they will answer questions about the situation. It is only when you give them names that they do go out and investigate but they are great at giving out information if you explain the situation.
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Join Date: May 2010
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I hadn't even thought about CPS. Thanks for the suggestion. I'll bring it up with my best friend and her husband and see what they think.
Years ago, I listened to a parent horribly verbally abuse his son on a basketball court outside my classroom window. I had no idea who they were, but the school nurse was able to figure it out from my description. She had me call CPS, and they made a visit to the home. They did a good job of handling it. Calling them in this case is a great idea.
Years ago, I listened to a parent horribly verbally abuse his son on a basketball court outside my classroom window. I had no idea who they were, but the school nurse was able to figure it out from my description. She had me call CPS, and they made a visit to the home. They did a good job of handling it. Calling them in this case is a great idea.
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