Does it ever get easier?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Lowell
Posts: 345
Does it ever get easier?
I use to ask myself this question a lot in early recovery. To answer my own question, NO. Knowing that this is a LIFETIME process, and I am continually working on self, it doesn't get easier. I was just a few weeks away from turning 56 years old when I came back to AA this time. And my sponsor explained to me, the majority of those 56 years I grew to be the person I was and never did anything to change my ways. So changing my way of thinking, my ideas and my actions or reactions, was going to be a lifetime process. There are things that have changed, and now because I have a new way to live life, a lot of my new ideas and actions are becoming natural and normal as I continue to do the right thing.
I still wake up everyday with a new set of old ideas and throughout my day some old actions and reactions still arise. The idea to step back and to think about what I'm going to say or do still doesn't come naturally all the time. But there is progress in that direction. Some character defects still show their ugly face every so often, so the work continues.
One thing I know for sure though, I am a much better person than what I was when I first came back to AA this time. I am not the person I was but am working on the person I would rather be.
But for the Grace of God and the 12 Steps to Recovery, none of this would be possible for me.
Keep coming, it doesn't get easier but I promise you things will get better.
Harry
I still wake up everyday with a new set of old ideas and throughout my day some old actions and reactions still arise. The idea to step back and to think about what I'm going to say or do still doesn't come naturally all the time. But there is progress in that direction. Some character defects still show their ugly face every so often, so the work continues.
One thing I know for sure though, I am a much better person than what I was when I first came back to AA this time. I am not the person I was but am working on the person I would rather be.
But for the Grace of God and the 12 Steps to Recovery, none of this would be possible for me.
Keep coming, it doesn't get easier but I promise you things will get better.
Harry
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 47
Thanks Harry.
Has it gotten easier for me? Depends what I mean by "it".
Well, my life has gotten harder, not easier. Somedays it's only marginally better than my drinking days.
Has my living of that life gotten easier? Yes, I think it has. My resistance to change is much less than it was. I come to surrender much quicker. I am more emotionally stable. I find it easier to be honest with myself. I can no longer con myself for very long into believing what my head tells me.
Yes, I am a long way from the woman I was when I stopped drinking, and still have a long way to go. As you said, a lifetime's journey.
Willingness comes to me easier. My judgement/discernment has gotten better with experience and perhaps a little wisdom. I am more likely to respond that react. I am more likely to ask "how are you" than tell you how I am.
I'm more in my character strengths and less in my character defects.
I am more likely to greet you with a smile than a frown.
I am more likely to leave you with a smile than a frown.
I've come a long way.
I've got a long way to go!
Has it gotten easier for me? Depends what I mean by "it".
Well, my life has gotten harder, not easier. Somedays it's only marginally better than my drinking days.
Has my living of that life gotten easier? Yes, I think it has. My resistance to change is much less than it was. I come to surrender much quicker. I am more emotionally stable. I find it easier to be honest with myself. I can no longer con myself for very long into believing what my head tells me.
Yes, I am a long way from the woman I was when I stopped drinking, and still have a long way to go. As you said, a lifetime's journey.
Willingness comes to me easier. My judgement/discernment has gotten better with experience and perhaps a little wisdom. I am more likely to respond that react. I am more likely to ask "how are you" than tell you how I am.
I'm more in my character strengths and less in my character defects.
I am more likely to greet you with a smile than a frown.
I am more likely to leave you with a smile than a frown.
I've come a long way.
I've got a long way to go!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Lowell
Posts: 345
Thank you Inside, great reply. From what I have read in other threads and posts from you, well let me put it this way;
YOU'VE COME A LONG WAY BABY!
And I don't mean anything derogatory by that. I mean that from my heart.
Harry
YOU'VE COME A LONG WAY BABY!
And I don't mean anything derogatory by that. I mean that from my heart.
Harry
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by Harry01854 
... NO. Knowing that this is a LIFETIME process, and I am continually working on self, it doesn't get easier.
"We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality—safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition. "
(page 85)
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Yeah, it does get easier. Absolutley. And why not?! My life is easier even though I truly have more challenges today then years ago. I'm also more of who I'm trying to be, even though I'm always gonna fall short on some important wants and desires I've come to understand and gratefully accept I can't be everything all in the same one man. My friendships and family relationships are easier even though the need for healings and forgiveness still requires my everyday attentions, devotions, and responsible actions. I'm able to retire from everyday work and that is a wonderful blessing. I'm married again and my divorce was not full of fighting and at cross-purposes with my ex-wife and I. She as well is happily remarried. We are each like old family friends to each other as we live our new lives with others. We are both so much more happy divorced. Another thing then is the new married life (with my dear loving Jaxy) is much easier now too, lol. Absolutely!
My alcoholism is arrested and my sobriety is spiritually managed by my HP and myself and through the grace of God I have a life which really does keep getting easier even as life gets more challenging. I guess its all about perspective for me. I should be dead many times over. I should be lost and confused. i should be hateful. I should be drunk. I should be all alone. So many shoulds and none of them any good. I don't live a life of shoulds or maybes or coulds anymore.
I'm living sober and loving it with a grateful heart, an open mind, and a trusting spirit; even though some important things just will never ever be the way I wanted them to be and that reality just dosen't have to be a problem (anymore). Its still a beautiful world!
Cheers!
RobbyRobot
My alcoholism is arrested and my sobriety is spiritually managed by my HP and myself and through the grace of God I have a life which really does keep getting easier even as life gets more challenging. I guess its all about perspective for me. I should be dead many times over. I should be lost and confused. i should be hateful. I should be drunk. I should be all alone. So many shoulds and none of them any good. I don't live a life of shoulds or maybes or coulds anymore.
I'm living sober and loving it with a grateful heart, an open mind, and a trusting spirit; even though some important things just will never ever be the way I wanted them to be and that reality just dosen't have to be a problem (anymore). Its still a beautiful world!
Cheers!
RobbyRobot
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
My experience is that life is just about the same... Sometimes it's easy... I am blessed with friends and family that like to cool things... And I have loving and supportive family. Work is easier by far... I am more relaxed, have a set of tools I have learned to use when things don't go as planned (well, as I would have them go 
. I sleep alot better.
Sometimes it isn't easier, and I don't get to escape into oblivion... There are still leftover consequences from my adventures before...
What does one really mean when they say it doesn't get easier?? For me it means that, oh damn, here is one of those dreaded phrases... I live life on life's terms! which for those who are Judeo-Christians ... Has been that way since we were kicked out of Eden... Somewhere east of there, I think....
Mark
. I sleep alot better. Sometimes it isn't easier, and I don't get to escape into oblivion... There are still leftover consequences from my adventures before...
What does one really mean when they say it doesn't get easier?? For me it means that, oh damn, here is one of those dreaded phrases... I live life on life's terms! which for those who are Judeo-Christians ... Has been that way since we were kicked out of Eden... Somewhere east of there, I think....
Mark
Grouch and Brainstorm
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 238
I think, as it relates to the drink issue...
...there is a promise that it should get better. Much better.
I believe my life is leaps and bounds better because I am embracing the truth of my first step, and don't want to drink.
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally. That is the miracle of it.
I believe my life is leaps and bounds better because I am embracing the truth of my first step, and don't want to drink.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: scotland
Posts: 1,493
hi harry,ive given this some thought now,
im at a place where im trying to find balance.im too hard on myself my sponsor and friends in the fellowship tell me.i dont have fear i am going to drink at all,i have fear of taking my foot of the pedal.i am constantly seeking and this stops me sometimes from seeing what is all around me.i forget to get out and live life.i cocoon myself with recovery....its my new obsession if you like.
God didnt render me sober to be in another prison i dont believe!
ever since i got sober i have these transitional periods where i take stock and i relax for a little while but then there i am again in a very short while back at it.
for instance last week was the second week home from a month away tavelling around the states.the first week i was back at work and getting my bearings back....
last week i went to 5 meetings (just how it turned out,i usually go to 2) ,spent 3 afternoons with sponsees and a whole day with my sponsor plus going to work and lots of time here on sr....
no wonder this week i am looking at this stuff again!
i guess what im trying to say harry is that it can be difficult,its certainly hard work,but its up to me and ultimately boils down to faith i think....am i trusting that i am where im supposed to be?
i do believe it will get easier,but like i said,im striving for balance at the moment,maybe striving too hard by the sounds of this post! lol
hope this made sense,,,im not long up and havnt had enough coffee
im at a place where im trying to find balance.im too hard on myself my sponsor and friends in the fellowship tell me.i dont have fear i am going to drink at all,i have fear of taking my foot of the pedal.i am constantly seeking and this stops me sometimes from seeing what is all around me.i forget to get out and live life.i cocoon myself with recovery....its my new obsession if you like.
God didnt render me sober to be in another prison i dont believe!
ever since i got sober i have these transitional periods where i take stock and i relax for a little while but then there i am again in a very short while back at it.
for instance last week was the second week home from a month away tavelling around the states.the first week i was back at work and getting my bearings back....
last week i went to 5 meetings (just how it turned out,i usually go to 2) ,spent 3 afternoons with sponsees and a whole day with my sponsor plus going to work and lots of time here on sr....
no wonder this week i am looking at this stuff again!
i guess what im trying to say harry is that it can be difficult,its certainly hard work,but its up to me and ultimately boils down to faith i think....am i trusting that i am where im supposed to be?
i do believe it will get easier,but like i said,im striving for balance at the moment,maybe striving too hard by the sounds of this post! lol
hope this made sense,,,im not long up and havnt had enough coffee
Grouch and Brainstorm
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 238
One other point here, at the risk of creating controversy (yeah, I know you're all shocked).
The word "recovered" appears about 15 times in our Big Book. Past tense. An achieved destination. This does not mean "cured." It means that I am relieved of my self-destructive obsession with drinking, I am in a place where I am clear on my relationship with alcohol and drugs, as long as I continue to enlarge my spiritual life (Steps 10/11) and carry the message (Step 12).
We are also told to introduce ourselves to the new alcoholic as "recovered." That there is relief, not a never-ending battle.
So I believe, conceptually, it should get better. Everyone's path may be different, but the tools are there to create relief from the disease.
The word "recovered" appears about 15 times in our Big Book. Past tense. An achieved destination. This does not mean "cured." It means that I am relieved of my self-destructive obsession with drinking, I am in a place where I am clear on my relationship with alcohol and drugs, as long as I continue to enlarge my spiritual life (Steps 10/11) and carry the message (Step 12).
We are also told to introduce ourselves to the new alcoholic as "recovered." That there is relief, not a never-ending battle.
So I believe, conceptually, it should get better. Everyone's path may be different, but the tools are there to create relief from the disease.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
When I came to AA I was nervous, irritable and discontent. Why? Because for years I'd gotten into the habit of thinking only about me and what I wanted to do. It was all about me. You know, that old selfishness...self-centered thingy. For me, the goal in AA and in sobriety is to be happy, joyous and free. These three things are in direct contrast to the first three and come with a price. The price is doing what I "ought" to do, not what I want to do. There are times however when what I "ought" and what I "want" coinside so it's really not all that hard. When I'm doing what I "ought" to do, I don't experience unhappiness, guilt, remorse, anger, or resentment just to name a few. The result is I feel happy, joyous and free. Granted, sometimes I have to look hard because there are still times when my wants battle with my oughts, but I can no longer use not knowing the difference between right and wrong as an excuse. So, the answer is a profound "yes". Life does get easier and better. It takes time, desire and comittment.....or commitment. I can never remember which way that word is spelled.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Lowell
Posts: 345
Music writes;...."There are times however when what I "ought" and what I "want" coinside so it's really not all that hard."
I agree with that. There are many times in my life now when what I ought to do, comes naturally and feel like it is just normal to do that. For me, there was a lot of hard work making those adjustments, some more difficult than others.
I still have work ahead of me though and I know it. I also know, if I continue following what I had learned, about living my life a new way, and just doing what is right, I'll be okay. It is only myself though, that gets in my own way, that sometimes those old ideas or thoughts do still pop up in my head and even times that I don't engage my brain before I speak. Today I know when I am being a part of my own problem and have those tools to work on the solution instead.
All in all, I do feel living my live in joy, peace and being free of all that I was, is a lot easier than early in recovery. The obsession has been lifted which no doubt in my mind makes it easier to accomplish a lot of other things.
I appreciate all the replies and see a lot of good things that have shown me that I'm still teachable and have an openmind to help me improve on myself and my life.
Thanks to all, grateful to be here and have such good support.
Harry
I agree with that. There are many times in my life now when what I ought to do, comes naturally and feel like it is just normal to do that. For me, there was a lot of hard work making those adjustments, some more difficult than others.
I still have work ahead of me though and I know it. I also know, if I continue following what I had learned, about living my life a new way, and just doing what is right, I'll be okay. It is only myself though, that gets in my own way, that sometimes those old ideas or thoughts do still pop up in my head and even times that I don't engage my brain before I speak. Today I know when I am being a part of my own problem and have those tools to work on the solution instead.
All in all, I do feel living my live in joy, peace and being free of all that I was, is a lot easier than early in recovery. The obsession has been lifted which no doubt in my mind makes it easier to accomplish a lot of other things.
I appreciate all the replies and see a lot of good things that have shown me that I'm still teachable and have an openmind to help me improve on myself and my life.
Thanks to all, grateful to be here and have such good support.
Harry
It`s ok to stay sober
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Central NC
Posts: 20,903
Harry,it got a lot easier and slowly better for me.It took quite a few years for my financial amends to be finished.That was hard work.
It took some years for some relationships to be mended,and now they are.
It is a lot easier for me to stay sober today than pull a bender and go back thru all that garbage again.Just my 2 cents and experience ,not badgering you.I hope you are doing well..just wanted to post this in hopes a newcomer reads it and gains some added hope
It took some years for some relationships to be mended,and now they are.
It is a lot easier for me to stay sober today than pull a bender and go back thru all that garbage again.Just my 2 cents and experience ,not badgering you.I hope you are doing well..just wanted to post this in hopes a newcomer reads it and gains some added hope
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by RobertHugh
The word "recovered" appears about 15 times in our Big Book. Past tense.
RECOVERED.................29
iii; xiii; xiii; xv; xvii; xxv; xxxi; 17; 20; 29; 45; 90; 96; 113; 132; 133;
146; 165; 196; 210; 273; 273; 274; 397; 397; 442; 457; 479; 556
(I guess I am nit-picky after all LOL!)
Grouch and Brainstorm
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 238
Originally Posted by Boleo
I don't mean to be nit-picky but it appears 29 times if you include the Forwards;
RECOVERED.................29
iii; xiii; xiii; xv; xvii; xxv; xxxi; 17; 20; 29; 45; 90; 96; 113; 132; 133;
146; 165; 196; 210; 273; 273; 274; 397; 397; 442; 457; 479; 556
(I guess I am nit-picky after all LOL!)
RECOVERED.................29
iii; xiii; xiii; xv; xvii; xxv; xxxi; 17; 20; 29; 45; 90; 96; 113; 132; 133;
146; 165; 196; 210; 273; 273; 274; 397; 397; 442; 457; 479; 556
(I guess I am nit-picky after all LOL!)
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by RobertHugh
I stand corrected.
There is one more occurrence of the "ed" word that I never saw till a newcomer pointed it out to me. Hint: it has no page number.
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