Chakra

This is the part where I look for support and encouragement.

This is day 6. It was easy up until this point because I am taking leave from work. There was nothing that needed "coping" with until I got the phone call this evening.

A friend I worked closely with for 2 years everyday was diagnosed with liver cancer last week. Full of hope, myself and other co-workers just knew he would be ok because he is such a great individual. Today, sadness and reality rushes over us in finding out that he only has approx two more days to live with no further options.

Craig is an amazing man who started his recovery in 1986 (I think). He has since been extremely active in AA with speaking and mentoring. He used to give me some pretty solid advice for when I was ready to follow it. He's that person you ask yourself with all the emotion in the world-WHY HIM????

I am out of town on business and can't even see him. I have been speaking with other co-workers who are equally as devastated. Isolated in this damn city, all I want to do is get smashed. I know that doesn't do him or what he stands for any good. I know that he would want me to stay sober. I don't know how to cope with this sober and I am craving beer....lots of beer.

:help

suki44883

There's nothing so bad that alcohol can't make worse. Play the tape through to the end. So you drink tonight. Then what? What happens tomorrow? How will you feel? How will it have helped the situation? Craig has been working the AA program since 1986 and has helped you out, so you have said. You can pay him back by staying sober during the toughest times.

Dee74

I'm sorry for your sadness and pain - but you're right...your friend would want you to stay sober.

my prayers go out for Craig and all who know and love him.
D

Anna

Chakra, there are no simple answers for times like this. I do try to believe that things are happening as they are meant to, even if it doesn't make sense to me at the time. This man has given you hope in your recovery and you can use that, and you can pass it on to others, as he would want you to.

HReady

Yeah that, Chakra.
Sorry about Craig.

Chakra

Thank you everyone. It will be a horrible dishonor to him and myself to get drunk tonight and I won't do it. I just wish I knew what to do with all this damn emotion.

coffeenut

Good for you. It would be a dishonor....and really, just an excuse. Use this as a learning experience to make you Stronger.

I wasn't going to share this...but I lost a very, very cool family member yesterday. He was way too young. I know, that if his death caused me to relapse, he'd come back and kick my butt. More than that, he'd be so disappointed in me.

It's hard. Learn from it, and grow. I am sorry, Chakra.

suki44883

Are you staying at a hotel that has a gym? You could always go there and work off some of your nervous energy. Maybe a brisk walk outside? Put on some music and dance until you wear yourself out? Just tossing some stuff out there.

1_day@_a_time

Do you think Craig would want you to drink?

Dee74

Prayers for you too (((CN)))

D

ElegantlyWasted

I know how you feel. Honor him by not drinking?

LaFemme

I am so sorry, you and Craig and his loved ones are in my thoughts and prayers.

To deal with the emotions, how about a good, long, messy cry? Emotions are what make us human, and its ok to give into them when there is a good reason. This is a good reason, imo.

Please keep us posted.

Dini

I am so sorry for the situation you are facing. You are doing the right thing by writing here about your feelings. If you can stay sober right now and reach out to others like us, think how much more "present" and available you will be to your grieving coworkers and Craig's family. Are you able to get to any kinds of support meetings? That might help while you are alone on business.

Chakra

There is no gym here and I def don't feel like dancing. I did however, make a nice salad with snow crab and my favorite dressing (Makoto Ginger dressing hmmm). I am reading his Facebook...all the lovely comments people are leaving for him. He helped so many people get sober and I will make him proud by staying sober. I'll get through this and I thank all of you that have posted here for me tonight. I was certainly teetering!

Coffenut-Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I'm so sorry that you lost someone yesterday.

LexieCat

So sorry about this, Chakra,

Craig gave you a wonderful gift. Treasure it, and his memory.

Keep taking good care of yourself.

HReady

Good for you, Chakra. Looks like what you are doing is helping you pass over that wave of negative emotions.

CN~Sorry about your loss.

RobbyRobot

So sorry Chakra. So sorry Coffeenut.

Recovery1983

You know.... If you are by any chance a spiritual person, you could think that Craig's purpose in life has been and is still being fulfilled. You two have crossed paths and his words from his own experience has touched you and stayed with you. I believe that this was not a coincidence and that Craig has touched many people and has probably lived a very full life.

Death is something you never get over but you get through it. I hope you find the strength to get through it and the strength to not drink over it. Plus, I believe that Craig has planted the seed of sobriety inside you. Do it for yourself and for Craig and carry on the message. I'm sorry for your loss however, be grateful that you were given the chance to interact and be friends with such a great person.

Suzie12

So sry hun, *big hugs.

Chakra

Thank you for taking the time to post that. I sat next to Craig everyday for approx two years at work. He was more than an inspiration though. He is (not gone yet) hilarious and everyone loves him at work. Its through his personality that I would stay after work and solicit his advice because I've known I'm an alkie for many years. He was never pushy, just informative AND proof that life can be grand after the booze stops flowing. We aren't anymore ready to let go of him (at 60yrs old) than he is ready to "go".
It is because of him I did not drink yesterday as well as the support I received here. I can't show enough gratitude to everyone for helping me with that weak moment. The next few days will be rough as he is expected to pass but, its day 7 and I'm not giving up!!