SheCanRun

Has anyone had to use it here in the US?

My retainer (that my Dad paid) has run out and we have not even gone to court. I can't ask him for more money, he has helped us out so much already.
I found a place that will offer council based on whether you are "low income" or not. I plan to call on Monday and hope that I qualify. I should qualify, my income at my current job does not make ends meet.

It's a particularly scary time right now b/c AH is leaving the state for 3 months for cancer treatment, and while I am happy that I get to move home I have no idea if he is planning to help me financially with the kids.

I don't know how I am going to feed them, pay for childcare and light bills etc.

I sent him an email asking him about whether he's been paying the mortgage (statements indicate that he has not payed in about 5 mo), and what he plans to do with the pets and the utilities while he's gone?

I have not told him I'm moving back into the house, but he must know, right?

So while I plan to live in the house for free I live in fear that it is about to be foreclosed on. I tried to get him to answer my questions before I called the mortgage company.... but this was his response:

These are child support and PSA related questions. I will not engage with
you any discussion where there is a likelihood I will be criticized, mocked
or otherwise demeaned. Please address them through counsel, which is our
best chance to reach some workable compromise while I'm undergoing treatment and prior to our court date.

Notice that he's now claiming to be "abused" not the first time he's pulled that card. I feel like my back is up against the wall b/c he's leaving, I need answers and I don't have a lawyer right now.

Pelican

How will he know you are moving back into the house?

SheCanRun

Because my house will be empty for 3 months and I currently live with another family in their spare bedroom, my guess is that he knows I'll be bringing the kids back to their house.

Pelican

I don't have any experience using free legal aide. I did two free consultations before signing with a lawyer in my community.

I do have experience with dealing with an alcoholic spouse while seperated. I also have experience in dealing with an ex husband concerning child support, and child care issues after the divorce is final. I have experienced a divorce gone bad and how it effects the children, too.

Here is my experience:

I try to keep my communications on a business level. I leave all my emotions, anger, frustrations out of the communications. I speak as if I am speaking with a business acquaintance. I keep the emotional stuff for journaling, or someone who really cares how I'm feeling.

I don't allow my children to be the mediator between myself and the other parent. I want my children to enjoy the best of both parents without all the adult stuff landing in their laps.

My conversation with my estranged husband over our family home went like this (pets were still at the home, kids and I left):
"I need more time and space for myself. I need to stay seperated for a while longer. It would be easier on the children and I to remain in the house where their rooms and belongings are currently. We would be able to take care of the critters too. Can you find another place to stay temporarily?" My husband agreed to the temporary swap of who lived in the house.

In your case, I might say: While you are away receiving treatment, the children and I plan to return to the house. We will be able to take care of the critters while staying in the home. Period.

You are taking responsibility for the home and critters by moving back into the home. Any pre-arranged issues of money, child support, utilities still stand. If he is responsible for the utilities until the divorce is finalized, then he needs to pay them. Should the utilities be shut-off while you are staying in the house, your deposit to have them turned on is proof he is failing to maintain his end of the business deal. Inconvenient, yes. Major crisis, no.

According to your previous posts, your name is on the loan for your family home. You already know that the payments are in arrears. They will let you know when they plan to forclose on the property.

coyote21

I can give you my experience about foreclosure.

My axw and I moved into a house that required two incomes, my bad. After she lost her job and the alcoholism took over we ended up losing the house to foreclosure.

I too had a lot of fear in regard to the "process" of foreclosure. I called the mortgage company, explained our situation, and they worked with me as much as they could.

We were about 1 year behind when they finally took the house, but we were in contact and I knew what to expect and knew exactly how long we had and when I absolutely had to be out. Like you, I figured we might as well stay as long as we could.

Bottom line, the mortgage co has a procedure to follow and will let you know what to expect if you call and ask. Just knowing relieved a lot of fear for me.

BTW, it's business for them, and they were in no way judgmental of me. Also it was 3 years ago for us, you may have more time due to changes in laws etc.

The light company probably has provisions for people in your situation as well, they don't want you and your kids living in the dark, don't be afraid to call and ask.

Good luck.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

SheCanRun

Thank you.

The codie in me is freaking out about how I can fix this big mess, and I can't. That's a hard thing for me to let go of right now as I am working on my recovery.

There was another incident at the house this weekend that had to do with the pets not being taken care of while he was gone for 3 days during chemo. Looking back on it I should have just handled it, instead of texting/emailing trying to discuss it with him.

My therapist said that perhaps I'm addicted to "being the one who is right, superior, has all their s*** together" I think she's right, I do like that, it must make me feel good in some twisted way. (Not that I do think that about myself, but if I compare me to him maybe I do.)

One day at a time.

Still Waters

I have not had any luck with free counsel, at all. I've had to bumble along on my own as best I can.

The pro bono attorneys must have 1000's of cases to choose from, and a huge backlog.

But, it depends on what state you're in also.