ChuckD1

I’m starting to understand that I can’t change people, places and things. I can’t change my feelings or emotions. I wake up in the middle of the night with a panic attack. I can’t change the feeling. It will go away in a few minutes. I find it very helpful saying the Serenity Prayer. Most of the time I fall back to sleep or I just accept the feeling. Are feelings and emotions things? What else can I do?
Thanks
Chuck

LaFemme

Maybe you can't change feelings and emotions, I'm not sure about that though. Meditation, helps you to control feelings and emotions. Learning how to respond instead of react to feelings and emotions can also change them.

An example...whenever my parents used to ask me to visit, I used to react by getting upset but not telling them and then going (a 5 hour drive each way almost every month), now I respond by saying no, but letting them.know when I will come, this way I don't cry the whole drive down and can actually enjoy being with them. Oh and I don't sneak the booze into their house anymore either;-)

firestorm090

What a great question.

I don't know the answer. Things to me have always been tangible, such as tools, footballs, cars, trucks, etc. Feelings are a mystery to me, they seem to come and go as they please, and I'm not sure about the difference between emotions and feelings, I always considered them to be the same thing, but that's probably not accurate. Maybe feelings are thoughts with strong emotions attached, but then again, what's an emotion.

Well, you're not the only one confused here, lol.

recycle

I find it simplest to think of feelings and emotions as thoughts that either have a physical manifestation or originate from a physical sensation. In the sense that thoughts are real emotions and feelings are real. Yes thoughts can be controlled, prayer and meditation work. distractions like reading, or listening to music, exercise, food, etc. can all adjust your thoughts, but it is a subtle process.

LexieCat

It would be pretty awful, IMHO, if we couldn't change our feelings. You might not be able to change "dislike" to "like" but you can probably change your feelings about a particular situation from "miserably fighting it" to "serenely accepting it" or "taking positive steps to changing it". There are therapies, such as CBT, that work effectively at changing your feelings. Prayer and meditation can change your feelings. Negative self-talk can be replaced with positive and encouraging self-talk.

All these techniques take practice.

Dee74

I believe feelings need not be imperatives to act a certain way.

I believe I can change my reactions to my feelings, and the things I do in response to them...

If we're doing it right, that leads to growth and and then, over time perhaps, I can change the way I think, react...and yes, feel.

That's the way it's worked for me so far anyway, Chuck

D

DayTrader

Yeah Chuck, those are some of the "things" we might be powerless over. Racing thoughts, depression, excessive ego, uncontrollable selfishness, etc - all that stuff is the "ism" part of alcoholism.

I'm not so sure, though, that we're "powerless over ALL people, places and things" all the time. Some things we have power over now might be something we're powerless over in the future.....and vice-versa. It's different for everyone though - nothing is one-size-fits-all.

In general - "we're powerless over people, places and things" is a pretty good motto because from what I know of myself and my friends in AA, we tend to think we're NOT powerless over a whole ton of stuff that we are.

Some parts of my life I can fix or control on my own.....some stuff I can't. That stuff I can't - those are "God jobs." those are the things I am powerless over and I can either keep trying and keep trying and maaaaaaybe I'll get there or, I can turn them over and see what God's got for them. More often than not I find the stuff that's been the hardest to "control" was stuff that God cleaned up for me in minutes, hours or a handful of days.

kelsh

Hi Everyone,

I have had a hard time with three issues that cannot be changed regarding the health & wellness of my husband, 40 year old son, & brother. It finally came down to a hospitalization in a psyc-unit for me for ten days two years ago.

My husband was in an out of town hospital with a stroke (small), my son called me from the VA Hospital the same weekend & told me the VA Hospital had told him he could no longer come to his own home with caregivers since he now needed 24 hour nursing care, & a friend of my brother called to tell me my brother had a heart attack while detoxing off meth with alcohol.

So how does one 69 year old lady deal with this? The stay in the hospital was good for me...I was able to talk about my emotions & feelings about my loved ones...especially my son who is a quadraplegic from a failed S.

Everything is better but before it got better my husband had another stroke & was put on a respirator again & flown to another Trauma Unit by helicopter. This was two months ago. My brother had another heart attack & had two stints put in...will it ever stop?

I don't have myself included in there but keep in touch with my doc...blood pressure out of sight so am on another pill to go with the one I already take.
My anxiety is in outer limits but meditation & the Serenity Prayer help me the very most + a quiet room all by myself for a while.

The irony of the whole picture is that my husband, son, & brother are doing better than I am right now.

But today I went to get my haircut, shopping for me at Walmart & special groceries for my husband who had bottom teeth pulled two days ago. He & I slept in our recliner chairs the night he had his teeth pulled....no chance of
stuff going down into his lungs this time to turn into pneumonia!

Some of you may be thinking: "Is this real or is she just crazy?" Probably a little of both but sometimes I feel like I need to be somewhere where I can be waited on & all the cooking & cleaning is done for me.

I am so grateful for all of you here at SR from New Comers to Old Timers & those all inbetween.


kelsh

ChuckD1

Thanks, A big help.

Live

I was taught a pretty simple and straight forward explanation of emotions:

emotions are a response to our thoughts and how strong they are is dependent upon a valuation our thoughts decide.

the morning coffee is ready: good, pleasant
I won $10,000 this is great! : euphoric
the bike got left in the driveway again: annoyed
your best friend was in an auto accident: sad troubled worry and grief

does that make sense?
If I think it is good for me I feel happy.
If I think itis tremendously good for me I feel tremendously happy
vice versa for negative emotions

this is good news because we can change or evolve the way we think

LaFemme

Currently reading about how to disassociate from emotions And be witness to them instead...its fascinating and very helpful. Ironically I don't think I couldrhave done it before sobriety but if I could it would have been a major help!

FindingDawn

Acceptance is a long road, but once you get there, boy does it feel better.