Taking stock at two months
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Southern UK
Posts: 18
Taking stock at two months
When I wake up tomorrow morning, I will have accomplished two months of sobriety. I am incredibly relieved about that. Unfortunately, I have been having some of “those thoughts” recently, and I am doing this post mainly to reconnect with my decision to not drink.
How am I doing now compared to two months ago? I wish I could just say “great”. I am of course doing much better. I am way more stable emotionally. I sleep like a baby. I enjoy food much more. I can pursue goals and put myself under pressure without having to take refuge in a bottle. But the problem is of course that while the alcohol is gone, the old version of me is still makes a regular reappearance until I realize that I am running one of the old “tapes” that can get me into trouble. It is amazing how much nonsense I have managed to accumulate in my brain over the years…
The most recent improvement is that my fits of anger have grown rare, and I just don’t seem to get so caught up in them anymore. I mean, I can see what I am doing and can stop myself. It is almost like it is just an old habit I haven’t quite gotten rid of yet. But those fits really upset me, so I am delighted to see them going away.
Over the last week or so, I have thought about alcohol again. I think it started when I began thinking about how to celebrate my 2 months. Way to go alcoholic brain – celebrate sobriety with drunkenness. LOL
Anyway, I noticed that my brain thought of alcohol in a very unthreatening manner. Earlier today, I therefore did a list of the consequences I paid for drinking. I had almost forgotten how bad I had it. And earlier this evening I found some diaries from when I tried to quit. I struggle to recognize myself in those.
The naked truth is that I still am, and always will be, one drink away from that hell hole!
I may not have solved all (or half – or even a tenth) of my “problems”. But sober, I at least get a chance.
I just hope that I will soon feel more capable of accelerating away from my old life. I wanna kick some butt.
I am hungry as hell and am tired of being scared!
This song seems to match my mood: DNC - Jungle Flames
Why am I not further along in making changes to my life? One reason is being "caught" in all the things I want/need to clean up after my drinking. Another is some old obstacles within myself (e.g. I have been diagnosed with social phobia). But I am doing my best to try to keep walking forward.
Thank you for reading.
I wish you all success in your own pursuits for sobriety!!
How am I doing now compared to two months ago? I wish I could just say “great”. I am of course doing much better. I am way more stable emotionally. I sleep like a baby. I enjoy food much more. I can pursue goals and put myself under pressure without having to take refuge in a bottle. But the problem is of course that while the alcohol is gone, the old version of me is still makes a regular reappearance until I realize that I am running one of the old “tapes” that can get me into trouble. It is amazing how much nonsense I have managed to accumulate in my brain over the years…
The most recent improvement is that my fits of anger have grown rare, and I just don’t seem to get so caught up in them anymore. I mean, I can see what I am doing and can stop myself. It is almost like it is just an old habit I haven’t quite gotten rid of yet. But those fits really upset me, so I am delighted to see them going away.
Over the last week or so, I have thought about alcohol again. I think it started when I began thinking about how to celebrate my 2 months. Way to go alcoholic brain – celebrate sobriety with drunkenness. LOL
Anyway, I noticed that my brain thought of alcohol in a very unthreatening manner. Earlier today, I therefore did a list of the consequences I paid for drinking. I had almost forgotten how bad I had it. And earlier this evening I found some diaries from when I tried to quit. I struggle to recognize myself in those.
The naked truth is that I still am, and always will be, one drink away from that hell hole!
I may not have solved all (or half – or even a tenth) of my “problems”. But sober, I at least get a chance.
I just hope that I will soon feel more capable of accelerating away from my old life. I wanna kick some butt.
I am hungry as hell and am tired of being scared!This song seems to match my mood: DNC - Jungle Flames
Why am I not further along in making changes to my life? One reason is being "caught" in all the things I want/need to clean up after my drinking. Another is some old obstacles within myself (e.g. I have been diagnosed with social phobia). But I am doing my best to try to keep walking forward.
Thank you for reading.
I wish you all success in your own pursuits for sobriety!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Congrats on two months that's fantastic!!!
I have seen references, especially in regards to PAWs about the first 30, 60, and 90 day periods being difficult...maybe that is what you are experiencing.
Also, how long did it take you to pick up the bad habit of drinking, how long did it take you to really entrench those behaviours? It will probably take more than two months to fully erase them:-)
Congrats!
I have seen references, especially in regards to PAWs about the first 30, 60, and 90 day periods being difficult...maybe that is what you are experiencing.
Also, how long did it take you to pick up the bad habit of drinking, how long did it take you to really entrench those behaviours? It will probably take more than two months to fully erase them:-)
Congrats!
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Hey. Nice one on 2 months sober!!
I think it's important to really live and think in a 'one day at a time' mantra. This helps to keep the mind less restless. It's also important to remember that 2 motnhs sober is still very early in sobriety and recovery. So you cannot expect changes to occur overnight. It truly is a 'one day at a time' deal and to remeber to always make sure that you don;t take that first drink 'just for today'.
The further I have got in my sobriety then the more accepting I have got at embracing the present moment and not trying to race and project my thoughts way out into the future. Make sure that you are working on your recovery daily and doing the best you can each day and things should slowly start to pick up in good time. It's good you recognise thinking and thought patterns of yours which are not favourable. Working on these and trying to change them and not let them run the show should be a good sign of positive recovery.
Always remeber that at the very least then staying sober for an alcoholic is an accomplishment too. It's so easy to forget that.
All The best, Peace.
I think it's important to really live and think in a 'one day at a time' mantra. This helps to keep the mind less restless. It's also important to remember that 2 motnhs sober is still very early in sobriety and recovery. So you cannot expect changes to occur overnight. It truly is a 'one day at a time' deal and to remeber to always make sure that you don;t take that first drink 'just for today'.
The further I have got in my sobriety then the more accepting I have got at embracing the present moment and not trying to race and project my thoughts way out into the future. Make sure that you are working on your recovery daily and doing the best you can each day and things should slowly start to pick up in good time. It's good you recognise thinking and thought patterns of yours which are not favourable. Working on these and trying to change them and not let them run the show should be a good sign of positive recovery.
Always remeber that at the very least then staying sober for an alcoholic is an accomplishment too. It's so easy to forget that.
All The best, Peace.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: the high desert
Posts: 887
Hey Omega! I just hit 60 days on Tuesday, and I noticed that the few days before and up until yesterday were kind of challenging. I knew I wasn't going to drink, but I had a lot of thoughts I have not had since I quit. A couple of times I felt like just saying "oh, scr*** it! I don't want to not drink." But then I thought of all the eventual consequences. I know that I could control my drinking for a short period, but that would be frustrating and not very enjoyable. And then, since I started, I am sure I would quickly find myself right where I was, and then probably proceed further. I don't want to start again, and on a more serious note, I don't want to not have a second chance.
am I willing to take the risk? No.
It has passed for now. I know it will come back, but I hope that I can continue to use the tools I am learning and find the support I need to help me through.
I know you can!
Congrats on the 2 months! It is a big deal.:day6
am I willing to take the risk? No.
It has passed for now. I know it will come back, but I hope that I can continue to use the tools I am learning and find the support I need to help me through.
I know you can!
Congrats on the 2 months! It is a big deal.:day6
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
hey Omega060610
congrats on yr sober time
I don't know about anyone else here but I had a lot of 'other stuff' to deal with once I stopped drinking...I've often used the analogy of the tide going out - revealing all the driftwood and other debris the sea had been hiding for so long.
It was definitely like that for me. And the only way to clear it was piece by piece....
That took time - more time than I wanted to give, but I realise now it takes what it takes.
Keep working at it - and keep reaching out for support when things get tough.
Have you got any other support besides SR for those 'thinking of drinking' moments?
D
congrats on yr sober time
I don't know about anyone else here but I had a lot of 'other stuff' to deal with once I stopped drinking...I've often used the analogy of the tide going out - revealing all the driftwood and other debris the sea had been hiding for so long.
It was definitely like that for me. And the only way to clear it was piece by piece....
That took time - more time than I wanted to give, but I realise now it takes what it takes.
Keep working at it - and keep reaching out for support when things get tough.
Have you got any other support besides SR for those 'thinking of drinking' moments?
D
Last edited by Dee74; 08-05-2010 at 02:39 PM.
Grateful Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 1,080
Congrats Omega!! You are doing great despite all the struggles we face while trying to stay sober. I'm excited for my day 6, I can only imagine your excitement for 2 months! Keep posting, and keep up the good work!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Omega, you're doing great!
I had to rebuild myself almost completely when I stopped drinking. I had a lifetime of thoughts and beliefs about myself that weren't true and I had to look at each of those. It was hard.
And, I think it's okay to recognize that you are one drink away from that hell hole. I know that I could/would pick up where I left off, if I was to start drinking again. But, I don't let those feelings weigh me down. Actually, I see them as being helpful.
Thanks for sharing your recovery journey.
I had to rebuild myself almost completely when I stopped drinking. I had a lifetime of thoughts and beliefs about myself that weren't true and I had to look at each of those. It was hard.
And, I think it's okay to recognize that you are one drink away from that hell hole. I know that I could/would pick up where I left off, if I was to start drinking again. But, I don't let those feelings weigh me down. Actually, I see them as being helpful.
Thanks for sharing your recovery journey.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: las vegas nv
Posts: 180
Yay Omega!!! Good work! You were worried that you haven't changed enough in two months? Well, in this two months, you have held on to the most important change you've ever made, I think that is quite an accomplishment. Plus, you are giving hope to other addicts and newcomers like me. Don't go looking for weaknesses, embrace your strengths, and as stated above, enjoy one day at a time. Way to go!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Southern UK
Posts: 18
Thanks guys, you have given me a lot to think about. That is one thing about recovery -- it is a winding road and it takes one places one hadn't thought about, if you know what I mean. As I progress in my sobriety I will meet new challenges that will surprise me. It isn't "linear".
But you are right that I likely am too hard on myself. I have a type-A personality and am used to pressuring myself hard. But I am not a machine and I need to respect that I need to heal. The ego will have to take the backseat a bit.
But you are right that I likely am too hard on myself. I have a type-A personality and am used to pressuring myself hard. But I am not a machine and I need to respect that I need to heal. The ego will have to take the backseat a bit.
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