Eight Ball

Possibly making too much of this but AH and I have been invited to a curry night at one of AH's work collegue and wife's house. I have met this particular work collegue before and he is a very loud and obnoctious drunk, who I dont particulary like. I struggle with drunks in general due to living with one for 22 years, so dont want to enjoy a suposedly 'pleasant' evening with one.

It will also mean me having to drive because I have a AH who of course will be drinking (socially for a change)

I get accused of being boring and having no friends by AH when he is in a cruel drinking mood, so dont want to add to this drunken scenario by supplying further amunition of 'you dont want to make friends',or 'you dont want to make friends with my friends', or even 'you dont want me to have friends'.

Recently, due to Al-anon etc and a acapella singing group I have joined, I have been making 'nice' drink free/social drinking friends.

How do you think that I should tackle this?

ninja7

As long as you attend the party, alkies thinks you are enjoying party with them. Alkies think always they are friendly and everybody loves them in party. I think you should not tackie this.

Dee74

I don't think you should let the fact that your AH might accuse you of stuff railroad you into going to something you don't want to go to.

Let him go. Do something you want to do that night.

Let him blather on - you know it's nonsense - and also let him get a cab there and back


D

Jadmack25

Have something YOU want to do that night, and let AH pay for a cab and do whatever he does with these pals.

If you go with him he will no doubt find something you did or didn't do, to have a go at anyway, so you may as well have something pleasant to do.

I guess, everyone has their own breaking point......where we decide we have tip toed on eggshells enough and want out. Living life around a drunk and wearing their abuse is tiring and miserable, and not my idea of LIVING.

God bless

LaTeeDa

It's your life. Do or don't do whatever you want. His reaction should have zero influence on your decision.

L

coyote21

Sounds like you're detaching from the madness nicely with meetings and your singing group, good for you.

Before the wheels fell off, and I was in the thick of it like you are now, my axw was telling everybody who would listen (mainly her family) how awful I was. Kind of like your husband complaining about how anti-social you are.

I believe it was Cats here, whose sig read, "What other people think of me is none of my business." It's true. It really helped me deal with her lies about me.

You do what ever you are comfortable doing, wild horses couldn't drag me to an event where the host is a very loud and obnoxious drunk. Not no, but hell no. But that's just me.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

Lola1024

I used to attend drinking events/parties with my abf even if I did not really desire to do so. I learned my lesson by wasting many nights listening to drunks and being bored and irritated. I no longer do this. Abf whined for awhile but now he is used to it. He goes w/out me and has a good time - I do what I need to do to take care of me. I don't comment on his choices to go out and drink - afterall that is what As do. For us many fights avoided this way.

sesh

I don't know how would you feel if you decide to go, but for me even thinking about it gave me chills: getting more edgy as the evening progresses, counting my AH's drinks, getting more nervous as he's getting more relaxed.... And finally coming back home aftewards feeling like I've been run over by the train
I remember the last time I went out with him, it was a wedding party, and I was so tense, that I kept drinking as to not notice how drunk he was. I mean, how crazy is that???? I didn't get wasted or anything (even though I must admit I was trying to) but I remember clarly when I got home that night I felt so defeated and sad and I looked at myself in the mirror and that was the first time I said and actually meant, without a second thought about it: Dear sesh, you're an IDIOT!
I never went out with him ever again. If I go out I want to feel good and have a nice time, not be on emotional rolloer coaster.
And while still drinking RAH used to complain how anti social I am, how I'm not fun, and blah, blah, blah... but to be honest I dind't care, as that was crazy manipulative talking, and it was his problem he couldn't see it, not mine.
Also, once I relaized I don't want to do something I never had a problem being honest with my RAH about it. Of course he didn't like it and he resented it, but again that wasn't my problem either.
I find the way we respond to someone's actions are the consenquences of thier actions.
In my mind it is as simple as that.

ninja7

Like sesh's RAH, alkies think that absence of party is anti social behavior. Though alkies are most anti social in society. Do not count on alkies!

coffeedrinker

You are doing the Codie Dance, for sure. "What should I do so as not to upset him?" or "upset him even more". This is a no-win situation. You will never win. Never.
He will always keep finding fault with you regardless.

Don't sell out. Don't do something you do not wish to. Don't go for the wrong reasons.

ChrrisT

Oh yeah are "alkies" the life of the party??!!

My RAH thought he was "like the GODFATHER" when he was out partying. What a bad*ss he was.

uuggghhh Vomit!!!

when I want to torture him now, i love reminding him of that. its so cruel heehee

Go to a movie instead, get a huge popcorn and soda and of course a big box of candy!!