Feel like drinking
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: recovering
Posts: 121
Feel like drinking
I've been doing well lately and all of a sudden, the overwhelming urge to drink came over me today when I got some money in my pocket.
I had a very upsetting day yesterday with a lady in AA. She is a good friend of mine who I have a lot of time with inside and outside of meetings. She is not my sponsor but she has been sort of a sobriety guide for me in the beginning days.
She has recently been going through some difficult times with a fellow family member and yesterday, they had really gotten in it. When I talked to her on the phone, she was very snappy at me, and understandably, she was upset over the fight with the family member.
So then she came over to my place for a little bit and we had to go run an errand. And she ended up snapping at me the whole time. She snapped at me and got upset with me every time I said anything at all. So I just got quiet because I was getting upset myself and so I didn't want to get snapped at anymore.
By the time I got home, I was extremely upset because she had been taking all of her anger and frustration out on me. But I feel like it crossed the line from hurtful to mean, and I did nothing to deserve it. Even when I tried to make sure she was okay, she snapped back at me.
I'm going through my own personal rough time and I get grumpy some days too so I can understand what she was feeling. But I just feel it went overboard, and I don't want to be anyone's punching bag.
I couldn't sleep at all last night because I was very upset. I just can't handle all of that at this point because it's putting my sobriety at risk because it's stirring up anger in me and anger is a huge trigger for me.
I had a very upsetting day yesterday with a lady in AA. She is a good friend of mine who I have a lot of time with inside and outside of meetings. She is not my sponsor but she has been sort of a sobriety guide for me in the beginning days.
She has recently been going through some difficult times with a fellow family member and yesterday, they had really gotten in it. When I talked to her on the phone, she was very snappy at me, and understandably, she was upset over the fight with the family member.
So then she came over to my place for a little bit and we had to go run an errand. And she ended up snapping at me the whole time. She snapped at me and got upset with me every time I said anything at all. So I just got quiet because I was getting upset myself and so I didn't want to get snapped at anymore.
By the time I got home, I was extremely upset because she had been taking all of her anger and frustration out on me. But I feel like it crossed the line from hurtful to mean, and I did nothing to deserve it. Even when I tried to make sure she was okay, she snapped back at me.
I'm going through my own personal rough time and I get grumpy some days too so I can understand what she was feeling. But I just feel it went overboard, and I don't want to be anyone's punching bag.
I couldn't sleep at all last night because I was very upset. I just can't handle all of that at this point because it's putting my sobriety at risk because it's stirring up anger in me and anger is a huge trigger for me.
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Think of at least 5 other things you can do to help with anger.. and try them ALL before you drink. You might just squash the anger and find a new way to deal with it next time, before drinking even enters your mind!
I know for me, a long walk outside does wonders, but today it's too hot. Treadmill at the gym (and I love people watching), with some really good music to lose my mind in for a while. Eat something! When I get angry, nervous, whatever, I forget to eat.. and that used to be a huge trigger for me and I'd drink instead. Get away from your comfort zone.. go somewhere you've never been.. a different grocery store, a mall across town.. Find a yoga class, or a meditation class.. if you've never been, both work wonders on the mind as well as the body!
Just a few ideas. You need to bulk up your arsenal of "other things to do", or coping skills.. this wont be the last time you're angry (insert any other array of feelings we typically drink over such as sad, happy, bored, etc).
I know for me, a long walk outside does wonders, but today it's too hot. Treadmill at the gym (and I love people watching), with some really good music to lose my mind in for a while. Eat something! When I get angry, nervous, whatever, I forget to eat.. and that used to be a huge trigger for me and I'd drink instead. Get away from your comfort zone.. go somewhere you've never been.. a different grocery store, a mall across town.. Find a yoga class, or a meditation class.. if you've never been, both work wonders on the mind as well as the body!
Just a few ideas. You need to bulk up your arsenal of "other things to do", or coping skills.. this wont be the last time you're angry (insert any other array of feelings we typically drink over such as sad, happy, bored, etc).
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: uk
Posts: 464
Hi Brokenchains, i emphasise with you..anger also here,and being a big trigger...were past response and re,action has been a large one,followed swiftly by another..same as you today..tired crabbit..and so angry towards my wifes spending money on crap..not putting the washing on the line on a sunny day,
expecting me to buy her a bottle of wine as i do everyday..on my way home from work..while she sits around like lady muck..
spending an hour painting nails..some days feel like a volcano..and refraining from drinking is essential..however hard it is..i like the suggestions from above..in dealing with, do something different, anything to ease the the situation somehow, it,ll pass,im telling myself as im telling you...best of luck...
expecting me to buy her a bottle of wine as i do everyday..on my way home from work..while she sits around like lady muck..spending an hour painting nails..some days feel like a volcano..and refraining from drinking is essential..however hard it is..i like the suggestions from above..in dealing with, do something different, anything to ease the the situation somehow, it,ll pass,im telling myself as im telling you...best of luck...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Living in Today!
Posts: 3,945
BC: Anger has Always Been a Trigger For Me Too.. Sorry to Hear This Person Treated You So Badly.. i Would Avoid This Person For a While.. Try To Talk To Someone Else About it if You Need To! Good luck..
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 47
It's okay to be angry, it's a human emotion. It's natural to feel angry when someone has been mean to you. What's important is what you do with the anger. Directed properly it can be a very useful emotion.
When I get angry (when someone "makes" me angry) it means that they're pushing a button in me. So I have to look at myself - take my own inventory - to see what in me allowed me to become angry. Perhaps I allowed myself to be used, maybe I was people-pleasing, maybe I had an expectation that the other person couldn't fill, maybe I put myself in a bad situation when I was vulnerable. How did I get myself in the situation that allowed me to become hurt in the first place? I have to look at all of these things.
At the end of the day it has to always come back to my inventory.
People are going to be mean sometimes. Even people in AA. Some of the nastiest people I have ever met have been in AA. Some of the worst things that ever happened to me were done by AA members.
None of us are perfect. AA is full of human beings. We are all sick people trying to get well.
I suggest you try to forgive this woman, and learn what lessons you can from the situation.
If you do that and don't take a drink then you will be stronger and more spiritually well.
When I get angry (when someone "makes" me angry) it means that they're pushing a button in me. So I have to look at myself - take my own inventory - to see what in me allowed me to become angry. Perhaps I allowed myself to be used, maybe I was people-pleasing, maybe I had an expectation that the other person couldn't fill, maybe I put myself in a bad situation when I was vulnerable. How did I get myself in the situation that allowed me to become hurt in the first place? I have to look at all of these things.
At the end of the day it has to always come back to my inventory.
People are going to be mean sometimes. Even people in AA. Some of the nastiest people I have ever met have been in AA. Some of the worst things that ever happened to me were done by AA members.
None of us are perfect. AA is full of human beings. We are all sick people trying to get well.
I suggest you try to forgive this woman, and learn what lessons you can from the situation.
If you do that and don't take a drink then you will be stronger and more spiritually well.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: recovering
Posts: 121
Lots of good information!
I just want to survive this day. My brain is just being too overactive today.
I'm trying not to romanticize the drink. There was nothing romantic about the romance I used to have with alcohol.
I just want to survive this day. My brain is just being too overactive today.
I'm trying not to romanticize the drink. There was nothing romantic about the romance I used to have with alcohol.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
BC, it was good to come here and post.
The others are right, that you need to find healthy ways to deal with anger. For me, music helps a lot, and of course exercise.
And, maybe rethink your relationship with this woman. It's understandable that she is upset about her life issues, but that is no reason to take out her anger on you.
The others are right, that you need to find healthy ways to deal with anger. For me, music helps a lot, and of course exercise.
And, maybe rethink your relationship with this woman. It's understandable that she is upset about her life issues, but that is no reason to take out her anger on you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Lowell
Posts: 345
Well you are doing the right thing reaching out for help. I found praying for the person who has upset me in some way, has helped me a lot. Turning it over, letting go and let God. You have done your share by sharing the situation here, I have done my part by excepting a part of what is upsetting you. Now all we can do is ask God to take it away.
"This to will pass."
There isn't a person or a situation that goes on in my life today that can make me drink. The person or the situation doesn't have such power.
This is from the story "Acceptance Was The Answer" in the Big Book, 4th Edition, on page 417.
"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. It is because I find some person, place, thing or situation---some fact of my life---unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly as the way it is suppose to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake."
My first sponsor would suggest I read the entire thing on acceptance, which includes "Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; etc."
But this part of it, what I call the acceptance prayer, I have to apply to my life on a daily basis.
Hope this helps,
Harry
"This to will pass."
There isn't a person or a situation that goes on in my life today that can make me drink. The person or the situation doesn't have such power.
This is from the story "Acceptance Was The Answer" in the Big Book, 4th Edition, on page 417.
"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. It is because I find some person, place, thing or situation---some fact of my life---unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly as the way it is suppose to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake."
My first sponsor would suggest I read the entire thing on acceptance, which includes "Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; etc."
But this part of it, what I call the acceptance prayer, I have to apply to my life on a daily basis.
Hope this helps,
Harry
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: las vegas nv
Posts: 180
Brokenchains, Hello and thanks for sharing. No matter what, "Do not take it personal!" It has nothing to do with you. The lady is going through a rough time with a family member and she is not handling it the right way, however, just remember she is hurting right now. She has always been there for you, no? Give her time, or maybe send her a nice card telling her how you feel and that you care about her well being, she will come around again. This is your first test, you can ace this one 
Good luck to you.
Good luck to you.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Hi there.
Whatever happens dont drink. That is the fundamental part to all of this.
If it was me then I would stay away from that person. Sounds like I wouldn't want what they have anyway.
I found I had to go my own way in my recovery. I still use AA but in a way that works for me. I am not suggesting this, merely posting my experince.
Peace
Whatever happens dont drink. That is the fundamental part to all of this.
If it was me then I would stay away from that person. Sounds like I wouldn't want what they have anyway.
I found I had to go my own way in my recovery. I still use AA but in a way that works for me. I am not suggesting this, merely posting my experince.
Peace
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: scotland
Posts: 1,493
where are you in the programme? in my experience this needs to be inventoried and dealt with.and then i would talk to the person about it.this is an honest programme and how honest is it if we just bottle up this stuff when someone has treated us in a manner that is not acceptable without talking to them about it?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: recovering
Posts: 121
I've been crying all afternoon, but I'm still sober. The urge to numb the pain is very strong.
My mom called me earlier and was very nasty to me. My grandparents were helping me with some of my bills until I got back on my feet, mainly keeping the roof over my head and she got upset because she doesn't want them helping me pay my rent because it takes away from the money that she uses every month for her crack binges. My mom is a crack addict and she controls my grandparents money. So they are not going to help with rent anymore.
So now I'm worrying about how I'm going to pay my rent next month. I'm unemployed and searching for a job. And I'm just freaking out inside of the thought of losing my place to live. This is triggering the urge to drink and escape. But I know that wouldn't solve anything. And not only that, but I would wake up so disappointed in myself if I drank tonight.
I'm sorry for all this sad talk but I am glad that I have amazing people here on SR. Thanks for being there for me.
-Broken
My mom called me earlier and was very nasty to me. My grandparents were helping me with some of my bills until I got back on my feet, mainly keeping the roof over my head and she got upset because she doesn't want them helping me pay my rent because it takes away from the money that she uses every month for her crack binges. My mom is a crack addict and she controls my grandparents money. So they are not going to help with rent anymore.
So now I'm worrying about how I'm going to pay my rent next month. I'm unemployed and searching for a job. And I'm just freaking out inside of the thought of losing my place to live. This is triggering the urge to drink and escape. But I know that wouldn't solve anything. And not only that, but I would wake up so disappointed in myself if I drank tonight.
I'm sorry for all this sad talk but I am glad that I have amazing people here on SR. Thanks for being there for me.
-Broken
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,915
Do you qualify for unemployment? Can you stay with your grandparents until you find a job? Do you have any friends or other relatives that you could stay with? Do you have a church family who might be able to help?
Can you call your creditors and explain what is going on? They know how bad the economy is and they may have some suggestions or offer a payment plan or something.
The last thing you need to do is spend money on drink. Not only can you not afford it, it won't help anything and will just make things worse. There is no situation so bad that alcohol won't make worse. Hang in there and keep beating the bushes for a job. Any money coming in is better than no money coming in.
Can you call your creditors and explain what is going on? They know how bad the economy is and they may have some suggestions or offer a payment plan or something.
The last thing you need to do is spend money on drink. Not only can you not afford it, it won't help anything and will just make things worse. There is no situation so bad that alcohol won't make worse. Hang in there and keep beating the bushes for a job. Any money coming in is better than no money coming in.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Broken - it's hard to take something like that in early sobriety (happened to me, too). But staying sober through it gave me not only more confidence and strength in my sobriety, it gave me a lot more hours and brainpower to work on a solution. You WILL find your way.
Believe me, you don't really want to drink. Dealing with this while hungover and anxious/depressed will be much, much worse.
The only way out is through, as hard as it is. You are building a courageous, responsible and future-friendly person right now. Don't give up on yourself!:ghug3
Believe me, you don't really want to drink. Dealing with this while hungover and anxious/depressed will be much, much worse.
The only way out is through, as hard as it is. You are building a courageous, responsible and future-friendly person right now. Don't give up on yourself!:ghug3
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: recovering
Posts: 121
I don't qualify for unemployment because I abandoned my last job when I was deep in my alcoholism. I regret walking out on that job but my brain was so messed up from my 2 wine bottle a day habit and the job was getting in the way of my drinking. That was a foolish decision.
Unfortunately, my grandparents live with my mom and she won't let me come back to the house. Not only that, but there is no way that I could stay sober in that environment. It was extremely toxic.
Unfortunately, my grandparents live with my mom and she won't let me come back to the house. Not only that, but there is no way that I could stay sober in that environment. It was extremely toxic.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: recovering
Posts: 121
I am feeling better now. Finally got the tears to stop.
I am not going to drink tonight. Drinking only guarantees that tomorrow will be a wasted day.
Staying sober tonight gives me an opportunity for tomorrow. I can actually have a productive day and do a few job applications and at least make some proactive steps.
I am not going to drink tonight. Drinking only guarantees that tomorrow will be a wasted day.
Staying sober tonight gives me an opportunity for tomorrow. I can actually have a productive day and do a few job applications and at least make some proactive steps.
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