arjck

why cant i stop? why do i shake? it seems like once i take it i dont shake anymore. but why cant i be without it? i feel like its taking over my life and
i dont know how to stop, because everytime i try to stop i just start shaking. i dont like it, it scares me. it shows me how this is taking over my life, and i really dont like it.

i just feel like, you know when you are a little kid, and you think there is a monster under your bed. so in the middle of the night you wake up to go the bathroom, but you cant because you are scared. thats how i feel, about xanex controling me. thats how scared i am, every time i start shaking.

i cant imagine myself ever stopping. it has full control over me and i hate it so much. you know how sometimes you can picture your future and how things will turn out? the only thing i can picture is me taking it and taking it and not being able to stop right up to when i take too much and die. but i cant afford for my parents to know. what should i do?

Dee74

Hi Arjck

Welcome

With benzos you need qualified medical help - I don't believe there's any way around that if you want to be safe and responsible.

You can't afford not to do something - I don't know how old you are but at whatever age, having your parents know should be a secondary concern here.

Also check out our substance abuse forum
Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

D

Taking5

The shakes are likely withdrawals. A Dr. can tell for certain. You need to tell your parents - I don't care if you are 11, 71, or somewhere in between, you are going to need help getting through this. A medically assisted detox is called for, benzo withdrawals can be very dangerous.

Keep us posted.

arjck

Unfortunately, i am sixteen. i dont know how i got wrapped up in this, but i also have a history of cutting for 4 years. my parents know i did. they dont know i do still. i cant tell them this too. i care too much about my dad. i cant do that to him. i just dont know how to stop. i am scared.

Dee74

arjck
your care and concern for your dad is admirable, but it's misplaced.

I'm sure your folks want whats best for you - and what's best to get off this stuff...and you'll need help to do that.

You can either come clean and stop this now...or try and keep this a secret, and more than likely have it revealed on you later anyway.

D

arjck

thats what had happened to me with cutting...i just dont want to be sent away...i just need to know how to stop craving for it...like, i have a very addictive personality, which i got from my dad, who used to be an alchoholic and druggie. i dont want to end up like him. i need the cravings to go away. and the shaking. it scares me.

Eponine

hi arjck - I just wanted to say - if anything your Dad will understand having been through addictions. I tried to hide my addiction from my parents but in the end guess where my best and most constant support is coming from? It's them. The hardest thing for them was that I couldn't and wouldn't talk to them. What you have is nothing to be ashamed about - but it is something that you will need support and help over. Well done for speaking out on here - we are all here to help

Dee74

I've met a lot of benzos abusers here arjck - none of them have been 'sent away'.
I hope the support you'll find here will help you make good choices

D

AWOL

Welcome here arjck
Consider this: your dad would be distraught if you did not tell him about the xanax and cutting. Your addiction is not a crime, and there is no right or wrong about it. But you must seek help. If you can't speak to your dad speak to a doctor, who will slowly help you get off xanax safely and comfortably. Do it soon arjck, you are young and your situation can easily be sorted out.

Taking5

Think how distraught your dad will be if you OD on this stuff.

vegibean

arjck, I hope you will talk to your dad. Sixteen, you are so young. I have kids and I can tell you as a parent that has dealt with my own addiction issues, I would want to know if my kids had a problem. I would rather get them the help then see them go down. I love them just like I'm sure your parents love you more than anything on this planet!! I don't know if your concern is because they may seem to have a lot going on in their lives, but I can tell you, BELIEVE ME, that nothing would be more important than helping their own child who is struggling.

The fact that you're concerned is healthy, if you want help you can totally overcome this.

I hope you will talk to your parents, and in the meantime you've found a great site here. Tons of support and a lot of people who have been where you are.

Please go talk to them........

sobermax

Hey Arjck,

I can only echo what has been said here already.

I think you will be amazed at your parents' understanding once you speak to them about this, and a huge weight will be lifted from you.

Keeping stuff like this to yourself doesn't (can't) work forever, so there will come a point when your parents become aware. Much, MUCH better for them to hear it from you now.

You're 16! It took me another 20 years to start addressing my addiction - I truly hope you are able to face this sooner rather than later, because addictions progress - it will get worse unless you take some action.

Keep posting and reading here, you're in the right place!

SM

Anna

Know that you can be free of the xanax and move forward with your recovery.

Talk to your dr and get his advice on how to taper down and finish with the drug. I would expect that your parents would be supportive of your efforts to live a sober life, so consider opening up to them.

arjck

i just wouldnt know how to tell them because before this all happened, i used to go by this whole 'straight edge' thing, and they would be so mad....thats what happened when they found out about me cutting...they got mad. when i get hurt or break a bone or get sick, they get mad. and by doctor do you mean therapist?

DrivingVacation

Benzo's are from what I've heard far and away the most dangerous drug to WD from. I would seek medical attention ASAP.

arjck

sorry i am not really making sense and just complaining, i just dont know how to put this to words

artsoul

hi arjck - I know how it is when parents get "mad" - I have a daughter about your age and have already raised a couple teenagers before her. And when things happen to/with our children, our initial reaction is to be upset. I often respond with "oh no, not something ELSE to deal with!" and I know my children think I'm mad at them, but it's just a normal reaction to the stress that happens all the time in everyone's lives. I can tell you that while our initial reaction is negative sometimes, we get over it. Love yourself (and them) enough to trust that things will get better if you reach out to them.

Believe me, they need to know. You're a minor and are their responsibility right now and the sooner you get help, the better. Sending hugs to you........

Chavo

Hey,

My little brother was on Xanax for a while. When he tried to quit on his own he started to have seizures. It was scary for everyone around him to see these seizures happen but not know whats wrong.

So you know - you can start to have seizures from Xanax withdrawal. Best to consult a dr. and tell your parents. Besides whats the worst that will happen if they do send you away? 3 meals a day, art therapy, maybe music therapy, and you'll get clean while learning new and productive life skills.

-Good Luck,
Chavo

Change4life

ARJCK.. Please take the advice thats has been given to you. If your addicted to zanex and dont do anything about it your going to have a lot more to worry about than how your parents will react. If your dad had hos own issues with substance abuse I am sure he will be nothing but supportive.
A dr prescribed me zanax and I kept increasing the dosage cause they stopped working. By the end I was taking 20 pills or more a day. I couldnt stop on my own and I finally went to rehab. I was on them for 10 years or more and I wish I had the courage to stop way earlier than I did. they really screwed with my life. I would hate to see the same thing happen to you. the deeper you get the harder it is to quit. Just sit your parents down or pick the one you feel most comfortable with.
once you tell them the hard part will be over... I bet you will feel relief cause you will be on your way to getting some help.
talk to a dr they will be able to wean you off. It wouldnt hurt but you dont have to go to rehab to beat this, but you need to do something

Patrickst78

i been there man its the worst thing to detox from