Great Line and... saying hi again
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 26
Great Line and... saying hi again
Great line I heard from a song:
"Falling from the bottle to the bottom stool by stool"
(Dierks Bentley: Bottle To The Bottom, up On The Ridge)
Checking back in...although I am here nearly everday lurking(reading). If it helps anyone, life indeed gets better. Oh life is still life with what seems mountains and valleys at times, but that is life for any one.
Seems an eternity ago when I stumbled across this place back in 2007. Wow, was I really that lost soul, so scared and thinking there was little hope in 'my' world. Whew, I don't miss her. lol Ah, but had it nor been for that me then, I likely would not be the me I am today. It was a journey I needed to make and so long overdue.
XAH has been an X since 08. I have always said that was the hardest thing I ever did, saying it's over. Even after that little voice inside propelled me to say we're done; I still didn't get it that what I felt for him wasn't love, but my own addiction to him. I'll never deny at some point love 'may' have existed but it became a warped addiction of him and codependency along the way.
He has not found recovery. I'll always pray he does, not in a controling way, but in the spirit of no matter where his life takes him he would likely enjoy it so much more. For those who think justifying your suspicions will give you satisfaction... that's an illusion. I didn't go searching for answers to 'questions' I had on his drinking/sobriety, using/clean, the answers came through time and my own non-codependent eyes. I felt no justice when he was arrested for possession, caught with alcohol in hand, hanging in bars or when our 14yo daughter identified the smell of weed in his vehicles and home. Being right no longer matters. My only connection to him is our daughter and what he does with her in visitation. Whatever he chooses to do on his own time is his to deal with.
And yes, to him I am evil, always to blame and at fault for.... well just about anything.. just ask him. lol I find it humorous .. now, least that's the way I deal with it. It really doesn't matter.
I cannot thank this forum, it's members, al anon and my little voice inside enough for my life today. It really was work sometimes... truly a labor of love... for myself... finally.
"Falling from the bottle to the bottom stool by stool"
(Dierks Bentley: Bottle To The Bottom, up On The Ridge)
Checking back in...although I am here nearly everday lurking(reading). If it helps anyone, life indeed gets better. Oh life is still life with what seems mountains and valleys at times, but that is life for any one.
Seems an eternity ago when I stumbled across this place back in 2007. Wow, was I really that lost soul, so scared and thinking there was little hope in 'my' world. Whew, I don't miss her. lol Ah, but had it nor been for that me then, I likely would not be the me I am today. It was a journey I needed to make and so long overdue.
XAH has been an X since 08. I have always said that was the hardest thing I ever did, saying it's over. Even after that little voice inside propelled me to say we're done; I still didn't get it that what I felt for him wasn't love, but my own addiction to him. I'll never deny at some point love 'may' have existed but it became a warped addiction of him and codependency along the way.
He has not found recovery. I'll always pray he does, not in a controling way, but in the spirit of no matter where his life takes him he would likely enjoy it so much more. For those who think justifying your suspicions will give you satisfaction... that's an illusion. I didn't go searching for answers to 'questions' I had on his drinking/sobriety, using/clean, the answers came through time and my own non-codependent eyes. I felt no justice when he was arrested for possession, caught with alcohol in hand, hanging in bars or when our 14yo daughter identified the smell of weed in his vehicles and home. Being right no longer matters. My only connection to him is our daughter and what he does with her in visitation. Whatever he chooses to do on his own time is his to deal with.
And yes, to him I am evil, always to blame and at fault for.... well just about anything.. just ask him. lol I find it humorous .. now, least that's the way I deal with it. It really doesn't matter.
I cannot thank this forum, it's members, al anon and my little voice inside enough for my life today. It really was work sometimes... truly a labor of love... for myself... finally.
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