cat1961

I'm new to this forum and am hoping by chatting that I will get off the beer again. I was sober for almost two years then really slipped up.

I told myself yesterday that when that 12 pack was gone that was going to be it. Well, I polished off the last three early in the morning and just got to feeling worse and worse as the day went on.

Last night I took some PM's in hopes to get some sleep and that didn't work either. So at about 3am I had to have a drink and ended up drinking the last three beers of my roommate who is out of town.

I have to get more of her flavor to replenish which means getting a 6 or 12 pk and what to do with the rest?

I have to go to work in an hour and feel like total crap and the shakes are really bad. I just dont have the willpower to quit and know I'll be stopping after work to get some beer.

My friends and family think I'm still sober and am to embarrased to come clean with them. I wish I could just have a couple beers and not be so dependent on it!

TexasNative

What were you doing during the 2 years to stay sober? AA? I have been struggling myself lately, put my foot down last week and am on my 6th day without the damned evil beer. I get the way you are speaking of FAST. "A six pack won't hurt" turns into basically drinking 24 hrs a day in a blink of an eye. Nothing sucks like laying there in bed at 3am hammering down brew # 3 so sleep will come back and shakes will stop, then getting up for work at 6:30 and having 4-5 more. I have found the PM's to backfire miserably if I have alcohol in my system. Maybe make an appt with your regular doc, doesn't have to be an addiction specialist, and see what he/she advises to help you detox and make a stop point. Otherwise you know what will happen, every day will repeat itself.

least

Seems like your withdrawals are bad enough to drive you back to drinking just to stop the shakes and anxiety. Did the same for me too... until I got help to quit, help to get thru the w/d. Please see your doctor for some medical help in getting thru the w/d safely and more comfortably. And then find some program or other method of staying sober. AA works for many people, but there are other programs out there too. Many people on this site use only SR to stay sober. I use a mix of some meetings, counseling, and this site, and after many many times trying I'm finally sober seven months and feeling great.

Welcome to SR! I hope we can be as helpful to you as this site is for me.

Dee74

Hi Cat

Welcome to SR

Like others have said, seeing a doctor might be the best course of action for you if not drinking makes you feel that bad.

As for your roommates beer - give her money to replenish the beers herself...maybe she can be the first person to come clean to?

D

artsoul

hi cat - I hate that you're feeling bad, but I'm glad you found your way here.

I went back to drinking after several years of sobriety, too. I even fooled myself for a while and thought it was working. But it just progressed and got even worse before I was able to quit again.

You're not alone and it's OK to start over. You still have those 2 years to feel good about (just think where you would be if you drank all that time). Take it a day at a time and hang out with us!

Anna

Don't let your feeling so bad about this relapse, prevent you from getting the help you need and for getting better. Forgive yourself and do what you need to do to get sober. And, do talk to your dr if you are concerned about your withdrawls. I like Dee's idea that you give your roomate the money for the beer you took, and let her handle it.

CarolD

Welcome ....
Yes....please re start your sobriety
then you never have to feel so rotten again.

cat1961

For all the words of encouragement. Going back to the two years that I was sober transpired after I went to jail for DUI. Then I got out of jail and was on the monitoring bracelet and drinking is a big no no. I think what really kept me sober all that time was the guy I lived with who is also a total alkie and now going to prison for his SIXTH DUI.

I flew the coop about a year ago a day before he was released from jail. Nonetheless, he went downhill really quick after I was gone. That's neither here nor there but my sobriety at that time was from living with this guy and things really got violent. Amazingly enough, I was the one that blew the gaskets and I'd throw full cans of beer at him from across the room. It was getting really bad, but I just couldn't control my temper. I had to get out of town before he got out of jail cuz it would have gotten really bad.

As far as seeing a professional, I'm going to have to look into that but of course I don't have a doctor of any sort right now, nor do I have insurance. PLUS! I don't even have a car. So I'm suffering with very limited resources. But it gets worse! I have to move from where I'm at in about a month since I'm only renting a room. I think that anxiety has put me over the edge and I don't know how to deal with all my issues.

I am also looking into AA meetings locally and have got to get them lined up quickly.

Finally, I will be perfectly honest with all of you and the fact that I did grab some beers on the way home. I know this was the worse thing to do, but the withdrawals were bad. I've done this before as far as pacing myself and since I didn't get much sleep last night, I think I'll be all good.

What does help me is having coffee ready in the morning. Once I get a taste of the coffee, it sometimes deters me from popping a beer.

Thanks again for all your support!

onestepforward

Thank you for coming clean to us. Don't beat yourself up after continuing after the first couple, I know that if I were to have any type of liquor all hell would break loose. I used to buy a limited amount of alcohol to "safeguard myself", but it is amazing the energy you get to head back to the liquor store. Good luck in sobriety.

cat1961

I was online this am and of course had to polish off a 12 pk from yesterday. Went to sleep for a few hours and am now having my coffee. This is it for me! I can't stand feeling like this!

It's gonna be a tough road but I'm determined to do it again. I am just in tears with what I'm putting myself through but am confident that you all will help me through this.

Knowing that I will NOT drink anymore I put a roast in a slow cooker earlier today and it smells great. Finally, I'm looking forward to a good meal later since I usually can't eat while I'm on the drinking binge.

Please help with words of encouragement!

Thank you all once again for the excellent support!

AChapie

Cat...
I have found this place to be a total source of support. Use it, use everyone here. If i ate meat I'd gladly have some of that roast with you! It's going to taste ten times better than it smells! Hang in there! And thank you.

artsoul

oohhh a roast sounds good, cat! I found that the first week or so I was famished. Enjoy indulging yourself in some comfort food - it not only helps replenish nutrients, but helps with the cravings (when our blood sugar drops, we interpret it as needing a drink). You're going to start to feel a whole lot better in another day or two.

Also, I'm sure you've read other posts here, but the B vitamins are really essential right now, so make sure you get a bunch of them!

Hang in there - you're doing great!!!

cat1961

Although my gut feels like total crap right now I know that it will get better. I've been through this before and know it's painful to get through the recovery process during the first couple of days but because of all the support here I am going to do it this time. Perhaps I sound like a broken record but this is the only place I have to discuss my problem right now. I'm feeling so bad that I can't even go out in public right now.

I want my life back to normal and feel good again like it was for the last couple of years. I just don't understand how alcohol can make a person so miserable. I have rid of all the alcohol around me and am going to keep it that way. As I said in another post, when I have that urge to drink, put a dollar in the sobriety jar and see how it accumulates. Not only the $$$$ savings but the reassurance to a healthy life.

Thanks again for listening to my babbling......

cat1961

Made it through the day without a drink and that would be since I woke up the second time. So I guess you could say that day one is complete. The other good news is that I found some B12 vitamins. It took me forever to find them though and very disoriented while looking for them.

It's now 12:30 am and can't even think of sleeping but will have to try. I think I feel worse while I'm laying down but we'll see.

Thanks again for all your support here!

Kitey

Well Done Cat,this CAN be the 1st day of many days of kicking the addiction. Its good that we are all here to help one another. Keep up the good work!

cat1961

You're exactly right that we're here to help each other and what a wonderful support group! I can't imagine where I'd be if I didn't find SR. Probably passed out or working on the breakfast brewskis right now.

If I could just go to sleep I'd be happier. I realize the first day is the worse and it will get easier. And hopefully when and if I do wake up I'll feel better than I do right now. I've been yawning away but when I lie down, I can't sleep.

SereniTee

It will get easier Cat and the benefits are wonderful, but it's very hard at first I know, I really feel for you. Keep plugging away a minute at a time if you have to those minutes all add up

cat1961

I know the benefits all to well since I was sober for about two years prior to this downfall. At least this time I know what to expect and will learn from this experience.

The last time I put the beers down was not by choice but rather had jail time. That was about the worse experience of my life to go through withdrawals in a holding cell for over 24 hours. And not having a clue what was going on in the real world or any contact with anyone on the outside.

But after I did sober up I faced the fact that jail was the best thing for me. I don't think I would have quit drinking otherwise and more than likely I'd be dead by now.

SereniTee

That's good tht you could draw a positive outcome from the experience, if you did it before you can do it again, if you need to be removed from triggers and temptation as you were in jail could you consider going to a treatment centre?

SereniTee

It's great that you've come this far Cat really