TakingCharge999

After my holiday I came back to the office and XABF did not come for several days.

I felt peace and joy and was quite content and happy with my life.

Today he came back and I was able to realize how much incredible amount of stress this creates. I clinch my fists are overall more jumpy and in a really bad humor. I seem to be back at Square 1.

The usual therapists have told me I got to accept its over, and yes I get it I'm GLAD ALL THAT HELL IS OVER, yet this anger is still in my gut. I wanted him to be away for something bad. I wanted him to be ill. For his family to be ill. For SOME kind of consequence to arrive. I hate him.

Also I know this anger has been with me for much a longer time. Rationally I get it I got it all studied and when I am away I am able to live my present and love my life yet there's still something in me that wants to kick him in the balls real hard and throw him out the window.....

In reality I keep my NC and would not do anything to harm him but I am so tired and don't want to keep on feeling this way I DONT NEED THIS STRESS. I dont want to become sick. I am worth more.

A friend recommended me a therapist that does regressions. 70 dollars. One hour you explain the situation the next hour there is a regression exercise and feedback... I made my appointment for next week....


Just venting thanks it really helps to share my reality...

dollydo

Vent away.

Anger does serve a purpose for a brief period of time, then it is like acid, it will eat you up from the inside out.

The longer you keep the anger the longer you give him the power. Not my rules, just how it works.

He has already kicked himself in the balls and thrown himself out the window, you do not need to do anything!

mrphillipctrs1

Hey TC,

Been here just recently TC with the letting go stuff. I have been through the grief process more than once, letting go of the emotions as they come up.

When I get mad, I find a place I can scream verbal obscenities at my XAGF. Then I journal about it, then I come here.

Anger is one stage of the grief process, when I am done, I will be consciously free.

MissFixit

Hey Dear,

What is the possibility of finding a new job? How about near your Dad? Didn't he move to the states?

Hammerhead

You will remain in the dance of "square 1" as long as you remain in the dance of "square 1".

It doesn't get any simpler than that.

It's up to you to remove the dynamics of the dance... it's up to you to find square infinity.

You can do it! How bad do you want to? You will when you've had enough.

((hugs))

HealingWillCome

TC, I was thinking the same thing...I just didn't know how to word it like Anvil has done so well here. Good luck with your therapy. I hope it is the start of getting to the root of your real anger/pain. :ghug3

sandrawg

This may sound like I'm joking, but I'm not -have you ever considered taking a boxing class?

It's very good for you, physically-good cardio-but also, you can imagine what you are punching and kicking is the object of your anger. Very cathartic!